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harshnoisebae OP t1_iujczv7 wrote

Reply to comment by itsameluigee in My boyfriend's friends don't like me - what to do? by harshnoisebae

It involved me having a moment of insecurity where I looked at his phone for the first time and stumbled across his friends making mean jokes about me to him (I started going to therapy for my insecurities shortly thereafter and have been doing fine since). That same weekend, our emotions were high and we weren't sure about the future of our relationship, so my play-hitting him (as we'd both done to each other before) was read as me hitting him out of jealousy. He went straight to his friends about it instead of communicating his impression of the situation with me (which resolved it afterward), so his friends thought I was a POS for that. My boyfriend has since then apologized for going to them about it without talking to me first, but the damage was already done since I guess it just gave them confirmation bias. I've gone to the friends once since then to try and apologize and indicate that I'd like to move forward, but now it's been over 6 months and nothing has changed. They were pretty uncaring about it.

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itsameluigee t1_iujd9jy wrote

Do they have relationships of their own? I'm assuming no.

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harshnoisebae OP t1_iujdjy8 wrote

Two of them are in a relationship together but it's not exactly a model relationship from what my boyfriend tells me, which makes the whole thing pretty hypocritical.

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itsameluigee t1_iujdy10 wrote

People are excellent at hypocrisy.

I don't know if there's a magic fix to this. Sounds like you weren't going to fit the mold if what they were looking for anyway. But then whatever happened with that just solidified it.

Just be civil. Hopefully you'll grow on them and things will get better. Bur you can't force them to like you.

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harshnoisebae OP t1_iujeeej wrote

That is what I've concluded I would do in therapy. Just give it time, because I've kind of been doing everything I can. I guess it really just wears down on me since it's been months now. But thanks for the sound advice, you're right - I can't force anyone to change.

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