I’m gonna update here because I think my og post is lengthy enough, and if everyone sees this, they see it, if not… well. Anyways.

Update: We broke up. I think? He kept trying to change the subject when I tried to bring it up again but eventually I got him to talk about it.

He repeated his sentiments, and said if it wasn’t about his future kids or whatever, he would have just accepted me and let me say I’m whatever I want but he asked if I would tell our kids it’s okay to be gay. I said of course. He said then we have to break up then.

I started crying (embarrassing). We talked for awhile, hugged, more talking. All in the parking lot of his job. He essentially said he can’t and would never change his mind about the LGBT. I cried and argued. He compared being gay to being a p/do, then to being attracted to animals. I cried and argued some more, asked if he was joking: he said he was serious, several times he said he was not at all joking.

Then he asked if we could talk about it tomorrow, most likely hoping I’d forget about the conversation and things would go back to normal. I said I would stay at my parents house tonight instead.

Then all of the sudden he says “fine, I’ll accept you. I’ll let you tell our kids whatever you want, I’ll let you be whatever you want.”

I was confused, still crying, and quite frankly numb from what just happened.

He said “someone has to save our relationship.” Implying that I’m the one breaking up with him by not agreeing with his ultimatum. Saying it’s my choice now if we want to break up.

I’m just too tired and confused. I told him even if he said it’s fine now, I know he’d never actually believe what he’s saying. I ended the conversation and said sure we’d talk tomorrow but I’m sleeping on the couch.

I’ll save me having to make another update and tell you guys now: he’ll say something charming if not slightly funny, he’ll convince me he was joking the whole time, and will maybe throw in a thing about how he supports the lgbt, that it’s just because his religion that he can’t completely agree with it, we’ll move on and it will never be mentioned again, because if it is, he will stonewall me or just smile and say “yes, honey” just to shut me up right there. He’s predictable by now.

Or maybe I’ll wake up and and leave before he wakes, moving on with my life. I really couldn’t tell you guys definitely because part of me thinks this was all some sort of game to see whether I’d cry or something when he broke up with me. I don’t know. I don’t want to stay with someone like that. I also always assume the worst out of people. I don’t know but I do appreciate all of your advice. Most of them will be in my head tonight while I try to sleep.

The thing is, and I’m mad at him for it— the way he reacted when I first told him was so positive and accepting. In general he’s a kind and accepting person. I’m still holding out hope that he’s joking and would hope he wouldn’t turn away or reject our kids.