My husband and I have hit a dead spot in our painting company, and we are going broke because of it. I tried job-searches but have had no luck, and even less luck when our cars broke down. We cannot afford to fix them, either. My husband refuses to get a job because he is a crossdresser, and says the one thing he will not do is go work out in the world being forced to dress "like a man".

I might be an excuse-maker about my chronic anxiety and attitude toward working my ass off for pennies and being treated rotten keeping me from re-seeking employment, but my husband seems to be even less willing to try anything. It is disheartening, and I don't know what to do. If I become the bread-winner, I won't make nearly as much as quickly as we did painting. I do have an issue with the idea it will take 2-4 weeks to get hired after a successful interview takes place, and then it will be another 2 weeks before a paycheck. All the while, we are homeless and have no access to a shower. I have very little self confidence trying to work under those circumstances, and employers likely would have a problem too.

And truly, in today's world, I do not see why cross-dressing would be an issue, but I cannot convince him of that. He believes he will be shunned away because of it. He will only work for himself, and I have worked min-wage jobs and been burned everytime. I have been thought of as being special needs by employers-- and at the same time taken advantage of for how much I will give just to survive. I finally gave up on it after my mental health spiraled and I fked up my job history by quitting jobs within a month or two, after they significantly cut my hours and no matter how much I said I would put in, they just couldn't "give" me the hours. It did not matter I worked 14 hour shifts when asked, or that I gave my all in everything I did, I was just another disposable employee. So, I began working for my father at his company, and he went to prison shortly after my husband and I were married.

I have been considering moving back with my mother and step-father to try and seek employment in a smaller city, but I am in a humiliatingly low position and have no means of transportation to get to and from work, and no money to support myself. They know this, but are still willing to take me in. I would have an incredibly hard time separating from my husband and leaving him homeless, even just for survival until we could reunite, and he is absolutely torn apart I would even consider it. So, this option seems like less of an option.

I just want some sort of compromise here. It would be a good thing if my husband went ahead and got a job as a painter in the trade he is proficient, but since he will not, I know this is up to me. And I am terrified, and unsure of myself and my mental and emotional capacity, amongst hygiene issues, homelessness, and having no vehicle. I am nowhere near being as proficient at painting as him, otherwise I would hop into it instead. Maybe I should give it a go? I just don't know...

Sorry for the lengthy post, I just want to know what people make of this. I know I sound incredibly selfish and unempathetic with this message, but if I knew what to do or what to think, I would be right on it. My husband says I always wait for someone to tell me what to do, but I have never known what to do or had the confidence in my abilities to do anything different. It is a matter of developing self-confidence that I just don't know where to derive. Any perspective helps. Thanks.