We pursue relationships that reflect what we think relationships should look like. When we are young, that usually means mimicking our parents.

I want to be very clear that you are not to blame for your current situation. But you are responsible for fixing the problem now that it has been explained to you.

I think you may have modeled your life choices after your mother's.

Contact a DV organization in your area. I saw your post from a few months back. You are in physical danger.

A large 36 year old man got with a small teenager to have control. Full stop. No questions.

He is participating in this bizarre "discussion" and telling you that he understands if you want to leave because he wants you to feel like you're in control. If he can make you believe that you are in control, you'll ignore people like me when we tell you that he's a grooming piece of shit.

He put his hands on you, and your body knew to fight and flee. Deep down you know what to do.

Yeah, I did that for 5 years. Once I stopped putting up with it, I was immediately replaced. You're a seat filler.

It's not just about the planning. She expressed that she was unhappy, he promised to do something about it, and then he didn't. You don't have to be a big planner to ask your partner out to the movies or Google a new sex position.

Then you're going to be miserable. There is no third option. He's not going to magically change.

Tell him what you need. Tell him you're done if you don't see any effort. Stick to your word.

That is bare minimum shit. That is what you get from a roommate.

You expressed your concerns, and he kept pushing his original deadline. That's a sign he's trying to lock you down so that when he doesn't change it's harder for you to leave.

Because you put up with it for 7 years and married him anyway. Why would he change? He already has what he wants. Unfortunately, what he wants isn't to make you happy.

Unless she's making progress with treatment, cold turkey is the only way.

Your heterosexual marriage sucks. It sucked before you were even married, but you got married anyway. Your sex life with him is dead. Your main motivation for staying is to preserve a lifestyle with heteronormative privilege. And the moment a woman expressed interest in you, you decided she's the love of your life. The closest is glass.

Perspectives on what? Not even Sherlock Holmes could make progress with that scrap of information.

This person does not love you.

Please read that as many times as you have to.

If it's a hormonal IUD, it can be rendered ineffective by other substances just like the pill. Maybe you have shit luck. Maybe you had a drug interaction. Or maybe you need to check your house for a bottle of St John's Wort.

It sounds like you don't have other healthy places to get support and attention from. Try to reconnect with family and friends.

This is the standard toxic age gap template. You got rid of things that made you happy to please him, and he trivializes your career. This never ends happily.

That sounds like borderline personality disorder. If so, you need to block her number. Speaking as someone in remission, she may be neurologically incapable of breaking this cycle, so you need to do it for her.

Yes, you are an idiot. You are not her soul mate. You are sneaky fun for her. Do your husband a favor and leave, but don't expect happily ever after with her either. (You also might be gay, not bi/pan. I smell comp het.)

Why do you think we can read her mind? If she's not holding up her end of the conversation, then the conversation is over.

Get a divorce. Move into student housing for the spring to get your finances in order. One semester of extra student loans is worth your dignity and peace.