gcitt t1_j2fm67z wrote
A large 36 year old man got with a small teenager to have control. Full stop. No questions.
He is participating in this bizarre "discussion" and telling you that he understands if you want to leave because he wants you to feel like you're in control. If he can make you believe that you are in control, you'll ignore people like me when we tell you that he's a grooming piece of shit.
He put his hands on you, and your body knew to fight and flee. Deep down you know what to do.
Rando161803 OP t1_j2fmyug wrote
That's deep, man, you're right in that regardless of where he's really coming from with his part of the 'discussion,' it's ultimately a pitfall which leads to settling even being an option. It's true, I can't be a doormat
gcitt t1_j2fo881 wrote
Contact a DV organization in your area. I saw your post from a few months back. You are in physical danger.
Rando161803 OP t1_j2fox1o wrote
Oh okay so not to defend this guy, but that old post was actually about a completely different abuser! (They're everywhere, right?) It was a situation my mom was in a while back but luckily that's actually been resolved. I'm really far away from her so I just didn't know what to do. But it's still pretty bad, right?
gcitt t1_j2fr3sd wrote
I think you may have modeled your life choices after your mother's.
Rando161803 OP t1_j2frz8h wrote
I appreciate you trying to make sense of this, but my mother's life choices are one of my main driving forces to BE better in the first place. These two men don't share all that many similarities on the outside. I may have fucked up in getting with someone who's so much older than me, but that was never her particular problem. I suppose you mean choosing the wrong partners in general? But I mean, it did take three years for this to happen and I'm immediately considering leaving, so do we really have to put it on the same level?
Rando161803 OP t1_j2fs6t8 wrote
Sorry for being so emotional but you kinda struck my trauma nail right on it's head. I am constantly feeling the responsibility to fix her mistakes
gcitt t1_j2fslb8 wrote
We pursue relationships that reflect what we think relationships should look like. When we are young, that usually means mimicking our parents.
I want to be very clear that you are not to blame for your current situation. But you are responsible for fixing the problem now that it has been explained to you.
Rando161803 OP t1_j2fvp9c wrote
Thankfully, (if you can even say that) my mother's abuser is not my father. She got with him when I was 11. I never had to live with them but for a short year (by my own foolish choice) when I was 16-17. And I hated every second of watching them interact. That man is the only person I've ever truly wished to die in my life. So I don't think it's necessarily JUST like that, but I will admit my actual father to whom I've bonded (while being a very good person) DOES happen to be 11 years older than her, and I'm pretty sure that's why I go for older men. Which in turn does indeed lead more often to these sorts of dynamics, even disregarding the actual physical abuse. I know I'm not to blame, though, I just wanted clear that up somehow. I'm definitely responsible and that's where I'm stuck, because I might seem mature but this is my first relationship ever, which happened to correspond with a spiritual and sexual awakening which basically took me out of a long ass depressive episode that I thought was just the way my brain was gonna be forever and in the beginning anything felt possible. Like I didn't even want to commit to the relationship at all, but I'm not exactly the most mentally stable and I got so used to the comfort his quality of life has provided that I'm utterly terrified to face the world on my own. And I think that's probably because I need to save more love for myself instead of throwing it around willy nilly, hoping for some return. I know you can't help me with everything lmao you don't have to actually dissect that but thanks for being here
Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments