Oy this is a lot.

I won't dig your hole deeper even though I want to, but you're shit for reading her journal.

Anyways -

You need to know that dreams do not mean as much as people give them credit for. Sure sometimes they do symbolize and resemble real life stresses, but certainly not always. Trauma does weird things to the brain where it thinks about things even when it doesn't want to. We all have weird and possibly dark thoughts ( like over sexualisation of your abuser) that you try to deal with. She wrote it in her journal. You read it. Idk how you're gonna deal with it but you better get the fuck over it for her sake because she deserves better than this.