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TJLawrence192 t1_j6har1m wrote

So you tried to hookup and got caught. This breakup was deserved.

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Calasy t1_j6himf0 wrote

Reminds me of those Tik Tok videos where the woman snoops through the partner's phone only to find out he tried to cheat but failed because nobody wanted him. Cringe.

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[deleted] OP t1_j6hb2t9 wrote

I never wouldve met anyone, most likely would’ve accepted nudes so your point is still valid

−31

ExpensiveEntrance2 t1_j6hh9wn wrote

I wasn't going to cheat on her I was only going to cheat on her!

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[deleted] OP t1_j6hhg2y wrote

what a helpful input what would i do without half of you lovely redditors!

−12

Calasy t1_j6hiqiy wrote

Then don't ask stupid questions. You wanted to cheat, you got what you deserved.

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southcoastal t1_j6hbi4p wrote

Let her go. She’s tried to trust you and forgive you but has quite sensibly decided she can’t.

Don’t be so disingenuous. People don’t download dating apps because they are “bored and horny”. They speak to their partner like an adult about their sexual and emotional life. Or they have a wank.

You can dissemble all you want, but if a girl had asked for a hookup you would have eventually responded.

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[deleted] OP t1_j6hbp4o wrote

Not trying to be disingenuous at all, you’re also implying nobody did ask to hookup. Im posted on this forum not for people to tell me to get back together with her but to get a sense of how she is feeling/thinking

−17

Front_World205 t1_j6hbaln wrote

downloading the app is cheating, accepting nude is accepting. if she your love of your life then you wouldn’t of done that jfc. you fucked up.

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[deleted] OP t1_j6hbhta wrote

I never denied fucking up, i never accepted any nudes either, i had mentality associated a dating app in the same category as pornography.

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Front_World205 t1_j6hybg6 wrote

you was going to. an dating app isn’t the same as porn. if it was, downing the dating app open an new realm of possibilities. it different then porn because you have to search it out, you have to talk to people, you will more often then not, share nudes

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Front_World205 t1_j6hyhot wrote

yes it might be an type of porn but that don’t matter when you have to sort it out and have to interact with it. it not an server. it cheating

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b_from_the_block t1_j6hb9wg wrote

You were actively looking to break trust and respect in your relationship.

You guys talked about it and tried to move on. It didn’t work. She left. Nothing but blame on you

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b_from_the_block t1_j6hqbsl wrote

You are a child who made a childish mistake and is now acting childish over this.

You are in denial

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thirtyeighthours t1_j6hbikq wrote

You didn't love her and you can not say you "genuinely care about her" after actively making choices that would hurt her. Love is a deep level of care and immense respect. You are attached to her maybe, but you obviously have no idea what love is.

Leave her alone, stay single until you can offer someone the kind of love that you KNOW they deserve.

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[deleted] OP t1_j6hc6x4 wrote

pornography has been an immense struggle for me my entire life, i had never been confronted about it in any previous relationship until now. And even less had a desire at actually look at myself and reflect on how to be better for someone i care about. Maybe i dont know what love is but what i share with her is definitely more then attachment and at that level isnt it worth trying to be better

−4

thirtyeighthours t1_j6hck33 wrote

The problem is that you think you can explain away your actions. If you can even consider doing this behind someone's back, you do not respect that person. You lack empathy and accountability. Take a good hard look at yourself.

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[deleted] OP t1_j6hdf8u wrote

Im not trying to explain anything away, i know what ive done and that it will more likely then not cost me someone i care about, just trying to give you the whole picture, obviously the bad is going to be remembered 99% of the time compared to the good but you cant tell me i dont care about her without witnessing the other 15 months of our relationship

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thirtyeighthours t1_j6he4d6 wrote

No, this is where you're wrong. Love means never intentionally hurting your partner. One bad decision (not a mistake) DOES over-shadow the other 99%.

Your ex can (and so can other women) find a partner who never intentionally hurts her. In your next relationship you need to make sure you don't do anything that would hurt that person or that would cause them to end it.

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[deleted] OP t1_j6hein1 wrote

I love my mom but have definitely done things that have hurt her, does that mean i dont love her no, its means im selfish and chose to put myself over other people without thinking of the consequences

−3

b_from_the_block t1_j6hcl4m wrote

Be better but do it so you don’t fuck yo again. Don’t do it to win her back because it ain’t gonna work

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No_Spot_1291 t1_j6hddwp wrote

You let her go. You messed up and intended to cheat in some way, even if you didn't get to do it. You got back together but she realized she couldn't trust you the same way she did before, and you telling her you've been nothing but faithful wouldn't change anything.

Let her be happy. You had your chance but the ship has sailed. Hopefully, you'll learn a lesson with all of this.

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[deleted] OP t1_j6he55w wrote

I agree and will most likely be how this ends up. i just feel like its almost more disrespectful to say i will be more faithful in future relationships when shes the one who deserves it

−2

No_Spot_1291 t1_j6hf3jd wrote

Well, man, words are easy. Saying she's the love of your life (do you know how many times do we read that on posts about people who've cheated on their partners?) and how she deserves lotalty means nothing when your actions showed her otherwise. That was the disrespectful part, how you'll behave in future relationships won't affect her.

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[deleted] OP t1_j6hf9ln wrote

How many of those people that physically fucked someone besides there significant other have gotten back together tough. My actions are not justifiable at all nor am i trying to say i deserve to get her back but i rather try to prove i can be better then just let her walk out of my life without a word

1

No_Spot_1291 t1_j6hfmde wrote

Many have, but that's beside the point.

If you want to be better, do so, but not for her, she's already made a decision; do it because cheating on your partner is shitty. She doesn't have to stick around waiting for you to prove that you can respect her - she can be single or find another man who will, someone who won't break her trust and then try to prove himself.

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icanschwim t1_j6hfluj wrote

The fact of the matter is you don't necesserily "deserve" it. You aren't automatically entitled to "try" it and I don't think you understand that.

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[deleted] OP t1_j6hfps8 wrote

To not try would just prove i never did care would it not?

0

icanschwim t1_j6hg3gn wrote

No it doesn't. You've had months after to try and for whatever reason it seems its not enough.

You should have been trying from moment she agreed to get back together. Not from now, because she broke up with you.

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[deleted] OP t1_j6hghsc wrote

I wasn’t actively going out of my way to prove i was being faithful, not that i feel it wouldve made a difference. i was not aware it was something that was causing her this much grief until she got to her breaking point. Like i said we had talked about it when it happened and got back together, i had assumed she wouldve broken up with me then if it wasn’t something we could come back from

0

icanschwim t1_j6hjk3o wrote

Well you evidently want to "try" whatever that means so just be honest with it. However I don't think you realise that you taking accountability and being faithful isn't enough for a relationship.

It's her choice in the end.

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[deleted] OP t1_j6hjvy5 wrote

which is why i came here in the first place, obviously i do not want to breakup but im not going to manipulate or try to convince her to stay with me. if its possible to prove to her im capable of earning her trust back then i will do whatever she asks if not then i take the mistakes on my chin. I made the decision i made, there is no undoing it and if it ends up being a painful lesson that’s something i will have to carry with me the rest of my life

0

icanschwim t1_j6hmi5n wrote

>painful lesson that’s something i will have to carry with me the rest of my life

I disagree with this. You've acknowledged it. Now it's time to learn from it. You take it forward by your actions not by holding onto it. A lesson for this relationship (if she wants to continue) but also for the relationships going forward. No good can come from holding onto something like this for the rest of your life.

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magstar222 t1_j6hg11v wrote

She doesn’t feel like she can trust you, and doesn’t think that trust can be repaired. She probably does think it will always be in the back of her mind. It’ll pop up whenever things aren’t great. You get distant - is he cheating? You come home late from work - is he cheating? You like another girl’s photo on social media - is he cheating? I’m sure it hurts but not everything is fixable. She is making the best decision for both of you.

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icanschwim t1_j6hejak wrote

She broke up with you. That's it. Don't pretend the reason your fighting is for her. It's for you.

If you are so sure she will find someone who treats her better, then let her do that.

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[deleted] OP t1_j6hennu wrote

In that aspect yes i do believe there would be someone out there that would not have done what i did. in every other aspect i think im everything she is looking for which is why we got back together in the first place

−1

icanschwim t1_j6hes21 wrote

>in every other aspect i think im everything she is looking for which is why we got back together in the first place

Evidently not. Sounds like she didn't give herself enough time and now she has. But I see you are meeting up tomorrow and don't doubt you will manipulate the situation, so she stays.

3

[deleted] OP t1_j6hf054 wrote

I have no desire to manipulate anyone, if there is not a chance to gain her trust back then i will wish her nothing but the best and be left to account for my actions

1

Crystal010Rose t1_j6hg036 wrote

Let her go. The problem is that although you say you didn’t intend to cheat she has no way to verify that. Because that’s just what every caught cheater says. And even if you could proof that you didn’t meet anyone it looks like it wasn’t for a lack of trying, just a lack of opportunity.

The trust is broken. That’s irreversible. She realized that she can’t fully trust you again. There is nothing you can do. How would you even try to earn her trust back? Wasn’t that what you tried for 4 months? It didn’t work. Telling her that you were faithful since is not doing the trick because that was the baseline of her expectations. That’s why cheating is so terrible, in a monogamous relationship even if you can’t agree in anything the monogamy is the baseline of terms you agreed on. And that foundation was taken away.

Let her go. Learn and do better in the future

3

Pricklypicklepump t1_j6hg5tv wrote

It's over, you ruined it. While you might not have cheated, downloading a dating app behind your GFs back is a far cry from being "faithful".

She's right to dump you and she'll be right to not take you back.

Take this as a learning experience. If you think you love someone, don't download dating apps behind their back.

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1

Advanced-North-6860 t1_j6hd4hg wrote

if you wanted to be the one that cares for her, you should have cared enough not to be disloyal. that’s the bare minimum and you couldn’t even do that. if you care about her at all let her go find the one that won’t give her nightmares

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SleepDangerous1074 t1_j6he48e wrote

What do you meant, “let her go”. She’s already gone. If you’re really horny, watch some porn or some shit. Anyone with any semblance of common sense would struggle to believe someone in a relationship felt horny so they downloaded a dating app…with no intention of actually talking to anyone.

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[deleted] OP t1_j6he90q wrote

She is coming over tomorrow, we ended via text but both felt like we deserved to talk about this in person

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SleepDangerous1074 t1_j6heygb wrote

I’m still confused. So you download a dating app coz…you’re bored? Like can you not watch Netflix or something. Even in this post your justification is bullshit. “Bored, horny, whatever”. That’s what your justification is. I hope that you’ve come up with something better than that if she does come over. God forbid next time she catches you being bored again

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[deleted] OP t1_j6hf25g wrote

What is anyones justification for watching porn?

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SleepDangerous1074 t1_j6hfneb wrote

People watch porn when they’re horny. They don’t download a dating app. A dating app…is for dating.

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Fair-Food7970 t1_j6hgcck wrote

Good, she deserves someone who sees her worth. Not a shitty boyfriend who doesn’t care about her. Leave the girl alone and grow up. Blunt but truthful.

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[deleted] OP t1_j6hgp6m wrote

I would not be on here asking strangers for advice if i did not know her worth, yes i know when youre in a relationship the things you do will have a serious affect on your significant other and if i were thinking of the adverse consequences it would bring we would not be having this conversation. I did not do this with malicious intent but by putting myself over her without thinking of what comes from that

−2

Fair-Food7970 t1_j6hh0jz wrote

I don’t think that this is an action you can do without malicious intent. You just try to find different ways of saying you did without admitting it. You’re selfish and did not care about her at all when downloading that app. And you know this. You obviously don’t know her worth and it’s really pathetic to say you do. If you did you would have never downloaded tinder. Tinder is not porn. Nobody on the planet thinks that way. You can’t somehow come to your senses AFTER making a decision (NOT A MISTAKE) and realize her worth. You should have known it when you started dating.

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[deleted] OP t1_j6hhob0 wrote

any image you use to satisfy yourself is porn, Instagram can be porn along with twitter and any other social media platform where you see and use sexually gratifying images

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Fair-Food7970 t1_j6hhr5x wrote

Ew, so you’re just a creep? I can see someone sexy on instagram without getting horny?

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[deleted] OP t1_j6hi34b wrote

Im not saying every picture of a women i see im gonna beat my meat too💀porn is everywhere and as a young man its easy to get desensitized and want to look at something “real” as opposed to all the fake pornstars ect.

−2

Fair-Food7970 t1_j6hi7p5 wrote

Real people in porn are still not on dating apps. And people who post on dating apps don’t want you masurbating to them. That is still disgusting if you think of all social medias like that. A dating app is a dating app. Weirdos can turn anything into porn and sexualize anything. Doesn’t make it right.

3