I [22M] Am Conflicted As To The Purpose Of Sharing How I Feel With My [22F] Girlfriend.

Submitted by Half_A_Mistake_ t3_10q0fq9 in relationship_advice

Hello Reddit!

Well today is my birthday. It is the first birthday I have ever spent with my girlfriend. This morning we awoke at 6 am, cuddled, made coffee, and began to read the bible together in bed. I read rather slowly, so I am pretty sure my girlfriend always waits until I finish the part of what we are reading before we move to the next section.

She fell asleep while reading, (learned later that she was waiting on me), so I let her nap. I went to cook breakfast, and clean up the kitchen. This is the first time she has ever fallen asleep like this, and not going to lie, I felt lonely while doing all this ---- we usually do it together.

I woke her up to eat, and she said sleepily, "What are you doing making breakfast?? It's your birthday!" I replied, "It's okay! You were sleepy!" and then a part of me repressed the feeling that arose when I thought of continuing, "...There is always next year." A year is a long time, and this made me sadder.

So we continued getting ready and rushing to class. I while I was driving I was thinking about how this is a year without my twin, and trying to figure out how to tell her that I felt a little lonely this morning without making her sad. She asked if everything is alright, "...because you seem melancholy." I replied, "I'm just thinking," to spare her feelings. Then followed it with, "...trying to figure out how to tell you that I felt a little lonely this morning without making you sad." She explained that she was expecting me to wake her up, though realized that I could not have known that she wanted that because she didn't say it to me.

She immediately was on the brink of tears apologizing. I told her that its all okay, and that I love her, that I didn't want to make her sad.

She asked me a question, "I don't know how else I'm supposed to feel."

As we got out of the care and were walking, I asked, "What is the point of sharing feelings? I didn't want to hide my emotions from you, but I also didn't want to make you sad. There is no benefit to me sharing... I shouldn't have said anything, I'm sorry." She responded with, "Noo! Don't say that!" Still sad.

A few minute later, she parted from me in a rush. I pulled her in and told her that I love her and that I am fine, we are fine.

But now I have come to reddit to ask this simple question.

What is the benefit of sharing feelings/emotions? Do they outweigh their immediate consequences? Making the love of your life sad?

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kevinrp07 t1_j6n2qj7 wrote

Dude I think you’re honest making a big deal over nothing. You’re guilting her into you being upset over not making breakfast?

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Half_A_Mistake_ OP t1_j6n7oz9 wrote

You're probably right about a big deal out of nothing, but I must have explained something wrong if you think I am upset that I made breakfast.

I believe I was saddened because we have spent every morning together since before we were official, I have always had low expectations about b-days, so she's been hyping it up, the day comes, and it's the first day we don't spend the morning together. That's life I guess, but I did feel lonely.

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Gosc101 t1_j6n36cs wrote

There are feelings you shouldn't share, but most them you should share with partner. It does not work well with some people. Unfortunately truth is your question has no one answer because answer varies from person to person.

There are people frustrated that their partner does not share their troubles and feelings, because they want to help them and fix issues that will never be fixed unless it is first adressed as being an issue.

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Half_A_Mistake_ OP t1_j6n8949 wrote

That's fair.

Have you ever been in the situations where your S.O. want's you to know your feelings, and they would become sad if you don't share but you know that they would become sad if you do?

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VirtualVacation1234 t1_j6ncaca wrote

you shouldn’t be afraid of sharing your feelings because your partner could be empathetic and experience that sadness with you. having an honest and healthy relationship is really rewarding. however, it’s ok to say you’re not ready to open up about certain things yet. just be sure to communicate things like that to your partner (like that your loneliness isn’t because she fell asleep, you’re just trying to process a loss still)

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Gosc101 t1_j6njdwp wrote

Sort of? You see with smaller stuff I really think I should be free to be honest about things, if I can't that is a red flag. For example if I am supposed to go with them help to choose clothes I can just tell them they look good like a robot, but that is not the point. If I am actually engaged it means I will inevitably tell them they don't look good in some clothes, again if I can't do it without them having meltdown I will take as sign to run away.

As for feelings that I recognise/thoughts that are hyperbolic, inappropriate or just wrong I try to keep them to myself. If they are stupid thoughts I will get over them soon enough, if I can't do it it means I need to address them regardless of result. In your case you should have shared how you feel, but not in the way you have done it.

Now for me your complaint is just petty, she has fallen asleep even though it was appropriate to situation. It can happen to people, it has happened to me before. You should have just told her you wanted her to make you feel special on your birthday. Even better it's a conversation you should have had before this day and you could discuss your expectations then. You might find it strange, but it isn't from my standpoint. I really do not put much significance to my birthday or other such dates. Now it's fine if someone has their expectations about me, but it's really something I prefer to ask them beforehand. Including what things would they consider being good gift for them.

Communicate with her how you feel and how you would like for things to be going forward, do not get stuck on the past, it's just silly. Of course, if you have proper talk in advance and then your partner completely ignores them, then that is a red flag and you should leave.

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DplusLplusKplusM t1_j6nj5zy wrote

Be careful, you're about to over analyze this relationship to death. When you expect too much of someone and they know they can't deliver their impulse is usually to just cut ties. You'd probably benefit from some talk therapy.

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Background-Growth-45 t1_j6ogayt wrote

It sounds like a beautiful morning still (waking up, cuddling, coffee). It's not her fault you were reading the Passion translation.

You should even be laughing about how she fell asleep on this ONE morning of all mornings. That's ONE morning out of all the shared mornings you've already had and will still have. Don't be dramatic and ruin the day for both of you...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! 🥳

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