Half_A_Mistake_ OP t1_j6n8949 wrote on January 31, 2023 at 3:13 PM

Reply to comment by Gosc101 in I [22M] Am Conflicted As To The Purpose Of Sharing How I Feel With My [22F] Girlfriend. by Half_A_Mistake_

That's fair.

Have you ever been in the situations where your S.O. want's you to know your feelings, and they would become sad if you don't share but you know that they would become sad if you do?

VirtualVacation1234 t1_j6ncaca wrote on January 31, 2023 at 3:39 PM

you shouldn’t be afraid of sharing your feelings because your partner could be empathetic and experience that sadness with you. having an honest and healthy relationship is really rewarding. however, it’s ok to say you’re not ready to open up about certain things yet. just be sure to communicate things like that to your partner (like that your loneliness isn’t because she fell asleep, you’re just trying to process a loss still)

Gosc101 t1_j6njdwp wrote on January 31, 2023 at 4:24 PM

Sort of? You see with smaller stuff I really think I should be free to be honest about things, if I can't that is a red flag. For example if I am supposed to go with them help to choose clothes I can just tell them they look good like a robot, but that is not the point. If I am actually engaged it means I will inevitably tell them they don't look good in some clothes, again if I can't do it without them having meltdown I will take as sign to run away.

As for feelings that I recognise/thoughts that are hyperbolic, inappropriate or just wrong I try to keep them to myself. If they are stupid thoughts I will get over them soon enough, if I can't do it it means I need to address them regardless of result. In your case you should have shared how you feel, but not in the way you have done it.

Now for me your complaint is just petty, she has fallen asleep even though it was appropriate to situation. It can happen to people, it has happened to me before. You should have just told her you wanted her to make you feel special on your birthday. Even better it's a conversation you should have had before this day and you could discuss your expectations then. You might find it strange, but it isn't from my standpoint. I really do not put much significance to my birthday or other such dates. Now it's fine if someone has their expectations about me, but it's really something I prefer to ask them beforehand. Including what things would they consider being good gift for them.

Communicate with her how you feel and how you would like for things to be going forward, do not get stuck on the past, it's just silly. Of course, if you have proper talk in advance and then your partner completely ignores them, then that is a red flag and you should leave.