Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments

farmer15erf t1_j1hygzj wrote

Classic domestic violence victim retracting. Hate to see it.

909

MRmandato t1_j1j3liw wrote

Worked front desk at a PD for several years. You have no idea how common this was. I remember one specific type a woman came in wanting to remove the automatic NCO and retract her statement. I pulled up the case and skimmed the report as I spoke to her. It happened last night, boyfriend beat her badly. Her bruises were still fresh on her check and face. I could do nothing but give her a DV Resources packet and send her to the prosecutors office.

This happened on a weekly basis with multiple women. You read the reports and its horrible. So many times particularly asking for the NCO to be dropped.

And yes,women get arrested for DV against men all the time. I remember giving a womans purse back to her after she was arrested once, girl was about 22 and maybe 130 lbs. She hit her boyfriend who was massive- over 6 feet and big. Cops arrested her and she spent the night in jail. They really dont care about gender, and a lot of times both people can be arrested if its mutual combat.

294

ObviousTroll37 t1_j1jttuz wrote

Divorce attorney here. Abused women retract and it’s unfortunate, but there are a lot of fake DV allegations as well. Liars ruin it for their husbands AND for real victims. And everyone lies. All the time.

Men are only victims of DV 25% of the time. So female arrests happen, but it’s not even close to 1:1.

90

MRmandato t1_j1jwph2 wrote

Never suggested DV arrests for men and women are equal. Theres a lot of reasons for that. Ie. Men also commit more violent crime in general.

People lie or misrepresent all crimes. That much is true. Routinely Abused DV victims often are too afraid to press charges or are emotionally manipulated into not.

75

hp433 t1_j1l2qre wrote

I had a girlfriend once that pulled a gun out on me and in the same 30 minutes threatened to tell the cops I hit her. Scary times

18

PokerBeards t1_j1kp4pv wrote

Your taste in sports teams being questionable, I still wanted to say thanks for advocating. Been through it and luckily got access to a good lawyer during the ordeal otherwise who knows what would’ve happened.

7

ObviousTroll37 t1_j1kq9kj wrote

Thanks! Most people hate us

1

PokerBeards t1_j1kqkht wrote

Not sure where you’re from but being lower income I had to rely on legal aid in BC. First assigned lawyer neglected to call me back for over a month so I had to get a new one who was fantastic. While I had no lawyer the British Columbia court appointed mediator out of Surrey tried to get me to sign off on my wife getting two weeks at a time with the boys while I’d get every second weekend. She told me the courts looked at that as stability and that I should agree to it. Broke my heart and thanks goodness I held strong for wanting a 50/50 split of time.

2

backwardrollypolly t1_j1lqrym wrote

That stat is incorrect it’s close to 40-50 just often underreported. Parity in things like this is always much higher than assumed

2

ObviousTroll37 t1_j1mw5ju wrote

No, men are not DV victims almost 50% of the time. That is inaccurate. All DV is underreported.

1

backwardrollypolly t1_j1n7j8a wrote

I agree that all DV is underreported but it is specifically so in male cases.

This is the link if you’re interested

1

DeaderthanZed t1_j1kvk54 wrote

Your clients are lying to you.

−7

ObviousTroll37 t1_j1kwtfj wrote

And their spouses are too. It’s all fun. They run the gamut from legitimate cases of abuse with asshole wife beaters, to insane tire-slashers who game the system to screw their husbands. Round and round we go.

12

Gophurkey t1_j1hz3b8 wrote

I hate that we live in a world where this is such a phenomenon that we can't believe the only source that ought to be trustworthy in this situation. Sad all around.

33

CliplessWingtips t1_j1iy7zb wrote

The gf is studying IPV for her Master's. The complicated workings of police and women she writes her essays on stresses me out.

9

Alfred-Fallon-Borden t1_j1jchdk wrote

What happened to believing victims?

−5

farmer15erf t1_j1jh023 wrote

Unfortunately being able to prosecute is hard when victims find ways to blame themselves

38

acfox13 t1_j1k262l wrote

Victims are conditioned by their abuser to blame themselves. It's an effective manipulation tactic.

22

The_Woman_of_Gont t1_j1k7qzo wrote

Yup. It’s part of why a lot of states will decide to charge these sorts of crimes unilaterally without regard to input from the victims. The amount of abused individuals willing to voluntarily cooperate with charging their abuser with a crime, and not ask that they be dropped, is frighteningly small.

10

Benu5 t1_j1jlal8 wrote

It also means doing what the victim wants to do about the alleged crime. If they don't want to go to the cops, or publicly accuse someone, then don't go to the cops or publicly accuse someone.

In this case, the person believes she was strangled, but because she has come out in public and said that she hasn't been (which is a common thing for DV survivors to do), they are sad to see that.

11

saoyraan t1_j1ke78i wrote

In the justice system ay least in America you are innocent until proven guilty. Believing victims auto incriminates and points doubt to the defendant. Perfect example would be Johnny vs amber heard. She claimed victim but her defense was easily proven falsified. She was the abuser claiming to be victim. Some of Hollywood still believes her even with all the evidence out in the open. They also marked Johnny guilty before trial and cancel cultured his career. After the evidence and Johnny's innocence proven he is still seen guilty and amber has her DC acting career.

−2

Alfred-Fallon-Borden t1_j1klnwz wrote

This is my point though, the victim retracts her statement and suddenly no one ITT wants to believe her anymore

2

saoyraan t1_j1p4die wrote

Problem is this is not a easy accusation. It has serious legality behind it. You may not like it but it is necessary for a fair trial. Humans lie and not all victims are victims. The victim has to prove their case in a court of law. Why America does not really have a punishment for false claims.

0

Alfred-Fallon-Borden t1_j1p4iav wrote

I feel like everyone ITT id misinterpreting me: the victim has literally walked back her statement and now no one wants to believe her anymore, ig because they want to prove their righteousness by continuing to pile on Beard?

2

dwarfcow t1_j1k9h2s wrote

Many narcissistic women end up dating multiple men who experience and remember being victimized and lied about in their own lives - which, unfortunately, colors their, and their families' collective reasoning. It doesn't matter if it's a minority of the cases when it's been seared into someone's reality.

−10

BeardedMan32 t1_j1jsss8 wrote

One thing I have no doubt about, alcohol was involved.

−5

jjjam t1_j1k5dv2 wrote

Well, when you realize your source of massive amounts income is going away for up to 10 years and won't pay any alimony or child support, then you start to reconsider your options.

−6

Ithaca44 t1_j1k6yii wrote

L comment.

4

jjjam t1_j1kcerm wrote

My comment was devoid of assigning blame. There is clearly a structural patriarchy that is influencing the decision. But if you don't think that's why she retracted her statement, then I got some land near the coast?

−2

Ithaca44 t1_j1kcxqi wrote

go back to whatever boomer hole you crawled out of man. actually despicable comment. even if thats why she retracted her statement, she isnt think right because imagine what she'll get in the divorce with all that. ur a jackass, and people like u need to reevaluate what year it is.

−11

jjjam t1_j1ky9ys wrote

Can I get you a ginger ale and a big bowl?

0

NotSoMrNiceGuy t1_j1jw25n wrote

What makes you believe she isn’t telling the truth?

Crazy to see this thread of misogynists accusing all women of being liars. Of course it’s the testosterone driven r/sports sub!!! HA

−21

farmer15erf t1_j1jwm2w wrote

I do? A lot of victims retract statements to protect social perception for themselves or in this case millions of dollars her abuser would make. Its why a lot of women end up dead.

10

lawnerdcanada t1_j1khibe wrote

>What makes you believe she isn’t telling the truth?

She is, necessarily, either lying in her initial allegation or lying now.

5

CoweringCowboy t1_j1imivh wrote

Believe women until they retract allegations. Then they’re liars.

−54

Tokenvoice t1_j1k9re2 wrote

Its interesting that you have been downvoted. Because everyone is saying that her claim that she was abused should be believed, which you agreed with. Then you go on to say that when they retract the allegation they shouldn’t be believed because they are liars.

Which makes sense because either the accusation or the retraction is a lie, so both should be looked into. If the accusation is a lie then she tried to ruin a man, if the retraction is the lie then he should be put up on charges.

Now I could be putting words in your mouth through a false sense of wanting to think the best of people, but what you say as a stand alone comment is logical. Or you’re being a douche and hating on women for a joke but I don’t want to believe that one.

2

CoweringCowboy t1_j1l3da0 wrote

Nah you’re correct. By definition someone who retracts allegations is a liar. Either the allegation or the retraction is a lie.

1