SpacemaniaXu t1_j7zkpt4 wrote
My mother did similar to me multiple times. Eventually she did it while I was hosting an international guest at her home. Everyone was happy and excited at the start. Then she got so stressed at my being in another city with them that she demanded WE come home early. Not me, but both of us. The plan was 10PM return, yet she made the demand to start returning at 7.
This absolutely would destroy the night so I fought it, but eventually she won the argument with me. My friend told her that she's being absurd and outright declined however.
So she revoked him from returning.
An international young adult who came here on a shoestring budget.
Thankfully he was able to crash at a mutual friend's place that night and I went home. I then did the worst thing I could do to her after that, absolute silence. This sounds laughable unless you know my mother. Silence, and the void of information it brings, is murder to her.
By the time she acknowledged that I appeared upset I laid it down in absolutely simple terms, in as few words as possible. That will never happen again, or this silence will become permanent.
Message received and respected. (with growing pains, but respected).
letmeseesubreddits t1_j7zlnmc wrote
im sorry that happened to your guest but im glad that it hopefully worked out for him. i already told them that when i’m 18 they can expect total silence, but the same thing happened to my mother when she was in her 20’s and never stopped. they lost her jobs, friends, and the rest with their antics until she was crawling back to them permanently with me latched at her hip. i made a vow to myself not to do that as well.
SpacemaniaXu t1_j7zn46l wrote
Peace was eventually made between all parties thankfully. Although she did try to creep in her antics with my then GF. She then told her that if our behavior wasn't satisfactory we would happily leave and come back when she is comfortable with it again. I didn't even get a chance to say anything, that was all her doing.
I love my wife, lol. (Mother backed down)
As for the cutoff approach, it is a severe ultimatum, and cannot be issued without full sincerity, else it will be called out as a bluff and tested. If you try this, it has to be made with a definitive conviction that you are willing to go right then at that moment with only the clothes on your back with only the plan to figure things out as you go.
It can be done but it's the hardest thing to do. For what it's worth though, thousands of LGBTQ+ individuals impose this reality on a regular basis, and I know one personally. I am so proud that they were able to build a quality life for themselves in less than 2 years and are in a stable and loving relationship.
I wish you well and a more optimistic outcome.
last_rights t1_j809hlq wrote
I had to do this at 19. I was home from college for the summer, and my boyfriend was calling a lot. He was actually my fiance, but I hadn't told them that yet, because as soon as we got serious, they didn't like him.
So I was taking a phone call and trying to meet up (not allowed without parental permission) and my dad waits and decides to take my phone after the call, because I'm using it too much.
The important thing to note here is that the phone was mine. The phone plan was mine, and I was an adult.
Of course I threw a fit. It was the kind of fit that only a belligerent 19 year old who is raised by narcissistic parents can throw. There were some words said that I mildly regret, and I might have also lost control of my temper.
It ended with me telling my dad to give me back my phone, and him saying that I couldn't live there if I couldn't follow the rules.
So I called the bluff. Then I called my fiance. He came and picked me up. A week later I picked up my stuff. My parents tried to make this difficult by throwing in all my totes of childhood things.
I was VLC for another seven or eight years until they were invited to our wedding.
ThisIsAnArgument t1_j80bxwe wrote
I presume you were.... Very Little Contact and not a media player for 7-8 years?
SpacemaniaXu t1_j80wyr8 wrote
I hope that they have improved as people and all were able to make amends.
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