Oh wow this blew up. So to answer some questions as I feel so emotionally exhausted I can't reply to all of them but I read all of the comments and I am super grateful for all of you guys!

1. we did talk about Sex a lot and very open and we had anal Sex but I didn't get the feeling that he preferred either to the other. I asked him if he wanted to try any butt stuff and I ate him out once and a little finger play but he never demanded more or anything. I didn't think there was anything lacking in our Sex life.

2. I made an appointment for STD check but unfortunately it is on Friday and until then I have to wonder.

3. I haven't talked to him about it yet. I don't think I can even start the conversation without breaking down crying. But I went to my mom who recently had an accident so me helping her out isn't even a lie. But I think he knows something is up as I haven't been as close and loving as I usually am

4. the messages were pretty clear. I get that guys are a bit weird sometimes and my friend circle is exactly like some people here said their friends were like. If you didn't know they were straight you would absolutely assume they were gay.

5. we live together and have at least another year on our lease. I might figure that out later as I am currently trying to run away from my problems

6. I don't think I can stay with him even after we talked. Even if he would beg for forgiveness and I could find it in my heart to grand it to him. I just feel like he betrayed everything we were. He is my first boyfriend, the first person I put so much trust in after my family is always difficult and constantly disappointing me. I put my entire soul out for him and he crushed it. I feel like part of me is missing like a limb.

I will update once I talked to him. I can't run away forever, I know that.