TIFU as I presented my bf with his cheating partner on a silver platter

Submitted by Certain_Syllabubb t3_118hdno in tifu

I (f30) have a boyfriend of 3 years (we will call him Sam(m33) and in the beginning he lost his friend's group because of a fight so he was pretty alone but that wasn't really a problem as we were happy to do everything together.

Anyway he was in the military years ago and sometimes talked about his time there and his buddy which we will call Leo (m30). I sometimes made jokes about their gayness for each other as they seemed to be really close.

A few months back I wanted to surprise him and find Leos contact as I thought it would be nice if they could talk again as they lost contact over the last 10 years. I found him on Facebook and gave him Sam's email and he was excited and thanked me and told me he would write him. Sam was super happy to hear from him and was excited to meet up with him. He asked me if I wanted to come with him but I told him I could meet his buddy another time, they should use the time to talk and get to know each other again after all those years.

Everything seemed cool and they sometimes went for beers or watched hockey games and they got really close again. I was so happy because he seemed to be less depressed and actually went out again. I actually met Leo once when we all had breakfast together and he was a really nice guy.

A months ago I noticed that they met up more often and as happy as I was I was also a bit bummed because he had less time for me but it felt selfish to tell him that so I was happy for him. Then in retrospect I noticed that we had less Sex. Sometimes before we had Sex like 3 times a day and sometimes we didn't do anything sexual for almost two weeks. With two full-time jobs and my health problems it was always a weird "schedule" but I noticed it got less and less. Usually he would initiate it more often then I did but then I had the feeling it was always me who asked or tried to feel him up. Again I didn't talk to him like I probably should have and thought okay he is working more hours he is probably tired and also depression is always a bitch to deal with.

Fast forward to yesterday when I wanted to take a picture of our cat who was sleeping in a super weird and funny way I couldn't find my phone so I used his (we were always super open about our phones and have the same passcode) and I saw a text pop up with kiss emotes and curiosity got the best of me. I opened it and it was Leo who told Sam that he missed him and was excited about the weekend where they would meed again and told him he had a naughty surprise. I was shook and scrolled further up and my fear got confirmed as they apparently have been sleeping with each other behind my back for at least a month if not more. He came back downstairs so I put his phone back where it was and didn't say anything. I was so shocked. I went to bed early and said I had a migraine and he knows I then need darkness and no noise so he went to the living room to watch a movie with headphones. I cried and cried and cried and felt so much anger? I brought this person back into his life, I basically presented him on a silver platter! But on the other hand if it weren't Leo who knows if Sam was sleeping with someone else. Did he do it before? Was our entire relationship a lie? I never got the impression that he wasn't happy with us. Our Sex was amazing. I wanted to marry this man and have his babies. I feel so sick to my stomach. I haven't talked much with him today but I can still pass it up as my migraine. How do I even start a conversation about this? How can I compete with a man? Someone he has known for so long. Did they already sleep with each other when they were in the army? I am so confused and hurt and angry and I just can't comprehend all this.

I just need to get this out. Tomorrow I will think about what I will do.

Also I am sorry English isn't my first language and I am sorry if this is all over the place and has mistakes I am still bawling my eyes out.

TL;DR: I found an old friend of my bf on Facebook and urged them to meet again as my bf had no friends after a fight with his last friends circle and he cheated on me with his army buddy.

Edit: Okay it seems I don't even have to start the conversation. He came to my mom's house and wanted to talk. He told me all about it, how he and Leo were experimenting while in the army but it never really involved feelings. How when they first met again they were just buddy's but on a drunken night they started to fool around again and then started fucking. He said he is probably bi and that he feels super shitty that he broke my trust like this. He promised me that Leo has been the only man he slept with and that there werent any other women either. He also promised me they were always using protection. He begged me to stay together with him, to work on us. He told me he would cut contact with Leo. Would go to counseling, would do anything. I told him that I still love him but that I could never see him the same way again. He isn't the person in fell in love with. I also told him that the foundation of our relationship is broken. How can I be together with a person where I constantly have to worry? Is he sleeping with the mailman? Or my cousin? The new neughbour? Or whoever? Maybe I am being unfair but I have no trust left. We both cried a lot and I told him I still need time. I will stay at my mom's house for a while and then we will sort out our stuff. We already decided I will get Chico (our cat) and that he will help with whatever he can do. I feel broken. I still love him so fiercely but how could I live with that? In my opinion if you love someone with all your heart you wouldn't do shit like this. I feel like I am grieving a dead person. My heart is so full of pain and I am devastated.

Thank you to all you guys for your kind words and helpful comments. I read all of them and I took some of the advice.

I will probably walk away from this account as the constant reminder what he did and what people think about it doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

Maybe I will update once I moved out and got all my stuff together. I am thinking about leaving the city. My company has a different branch a few cities over and I could take that spot. Would also come with a tiny payment rise. But it would me farther away from my mom.. I don't know yet.

Anyway you guys all take care and again, thank you!

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Comments

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n2oc10h12c8h10n402 t1_j9h40n9 wrote

My first thought would be don't stay with a cheater. That's obviously your decision to make based on your life arrangements.

One thing you need for sure is to get tested. Being cheated on always brings the risk of STDs.

There's no competition, you can't compete being the person you got cheated on with a man or woman. It's not something you didn't do or something that was lacking on your relationship. It's the commitment you partner doesn't have and it's the lack of care he has for you. Someone who loves you, won't hurt you.

None of these is your fault.

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Certain_Syllabubb OP t1_j9h5dp8 wrote

I feel like if I hadn't brought this man in our life then all this wouldn't have happened. It may not be the logical thing but my brain is in chaos

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Similar_Corner8081 t1_j9hvqzm wrote

Op don’t make the same mistake I did. He cheated on me before we got married. I forgave him and said it was my fault. I know now that it has nothing to do with me but I forgave him anyway. We got married and he cheated on me after we got married.

We are getting a divorce because I’m so unhappy. Life is so short and you shouldn’t feel lonely when you’re partner is sitting next to you. He has become a stranger and I ask myself sis I ever really know him,

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erling7856 t1_j9j5fxr wrote

You’d be surprised how many “straight” or married guys are on Grindr and other gay dating sites. Sorry this happened to you, you’re not alone and it’s not your fault.

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triteratops1 t1_j9l6x4v wrote

My ex was one. It was fun because I had very well meaning gay men "coming to me as a friend" because he couldn't even bother to NOT try to hook up with people we both know. Multiple times.

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BelligerentShort t1_j9nhtpj wrote

Definitely not her fault. A bisexual or closeted cheater is still a cheater.

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GsTSaien t1_j9hhqwu wrote

Maybe that is true, he may have ended up cheating when you were married with kids instesd. He is a cheater, you found out now, that is good. Everything else is pretty bad...

It isn't about competing with men, he is likely bisexual. He may still love you; he just also loves this man and doesn't know how to handle that.

That, however, is his problem, not yours. You have been wronged and deserve better. Your trust has been breached and communication has not been respected, what he did is not ok.

Confront him however you need. You can be angry, you can be hurt, you can be confused, any of that is valid; just get closure and make your choice accordingly afterwards.

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Emergency_Raise_7803 t1_j9hg3nt wrote

Don’t blame yourself for choices your BF made, he’s an adult and he is responsible for his actions. Do whatever you need to do to keep yourself safe.

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a-_rose t1_j9i2et8 wrote

Nothing you did or can do will stop a cheater from cheating. That’s a decision that’s 100% on him. You did NOT FU. This is NOT your fault. Get all your affairs in order before speaking to him.

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gosh-josh t1_j9htho1 wrote

You did a good thing, bringing back someone you believed to be a good platonic friend. He’s the one who chose to cheat, deceive you, and possibly lied about the nature of their previous relationship in the army

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Failp0 t1_j9hfm79 wrote

I mean... would you rather be in a marriage to a man where the entire foundation was a lie? You're in your 30s. That's some 20s talk, when our brains are still growin lol. Better now than 10 years and 2 kids later, you walk in on him and the neighbor. He did you a favor.

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n2oc10h12c8h10n402 t1_j9h65dj wrote

None of these was something you could have avoided. It would have happened anyway. Not because of you, but because cheaters are cheaters.

Go get tested!!!!

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kennysmithy t1_j9hzebg wrote

There's a saying "once a cheater always a cheater". In this case, I believe Sam, whether with Leo or someone else, was bound to be pulled away because obviously Sam has issues. Cheaters have issues. Those issues aren't an excuse to be a shit person. His lack of empathy, his cowardice to not break up before developing another relationship, that's not on you. Dump his ass and start your healing asap girl. Get with your friends and family if they're near you, whoever your support system is, now is the time to lean on them

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Drkurland t1_j9hoqpk wrote

Definitely don't blame yourself, if he's cheating behind your back it would have happened or could have already happened. You can't do anything about it. But you should have the conversation, learn from this and hopefully grow as a person.

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klowder42 t1_j9hdh3b wrote

you are blaming yourself when you should not.

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No-Mechanic-3048 t1_j9iodi6 wrote

One step at a time! Get tested. Figure out your finances. Create a plan then leave.

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n2oc10h12c8h10n402 t1_j9h5wup wrote

OP, it definitely happened before with someone else.

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Haven1820 t1_j9heaf7 wrote

I get trying to make OP feel better about leaving him, but this just isn't true. It may have happened before or it may not, but it's impossible for us to say. We know next to nothing about him.

All that matters here is that he is the type of person who would cheat on his partner, and it's better to learn that now than later.

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Birdbraned t1_j9hwrm0 wrote

Like.... maybe whatever he fought with his friend group over?

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n2oc10h12c8h10n402 t1_j9hywul wrote

I'm curious about how he ended up cutting ties with an entire group of friends.

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baby_fart t1_j9ilz5z wrote

He was fucking everyone in the group of friends. Guy just couldn't put his dick away.

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_druids t1_j9ilc16 wrote

It’s not your fault. You weren’t working with all the information, you were just doing a very kind thing for your SO. I imagine this outcome didn’t cross your mind when you thought about what would happen.

You’re right about these things being hard to talk about. You need to pull it off like a bandaid, or it’s going to fester inside of you until you burst from the emotional stress.

“Sam, I know about you and Leo. This is how it makes me feel..”

How you found out really isn’t relevant, you can tell him, and if you feel the need to defend “I was so shocked I needed time to process it before I could talk to you”

All I meant to say was it isn’t your fault, apologies for getting tangential.

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4_Legged_Duck t1_j9hsxoy wrote

You may feel the weight of responsibility but your bf decided to do this. HE made a choice, and he was always capable of making this choice and certainly may make it some time. You do not deserve to kick yourself over this. It's not your fault.

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pocketline t1_j9iqn7o wrote

Dating is about the other person revealing if they are going to be committed to you or not.

This isn’t about anything you did/didn’t do. This was about his choice to not be committed to you.

Better you see that now, Vs later.

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sexytimeforwife t1_j9ircah wrote

No. You didn't cause this to happen. If your relationship was secure, you wouldn't be afraid to introduce your partner to the hottest person in the world. The fact that you will be worried going forward, is a sign that your relationship is toxic.

I wish someone had told me that 15 years ago, when I decided to stay with the cheater. Even if they never actually cheat again, the root issues that caused that person to cheat in the first place, have caused me endless grief.

I understand now that cheating on a partner is a sign of having toxic beliefs about your self-worth, self-respect and/or shame. These can be undone I would say for 100% of people, however it can take years of effort and suffering in the interim, unless you happen to be able to fast-track with a good psychologist.

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Ackilles t1_j9ihslx wrote

All that changed was that he did it now rather than later

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glassholeshitfuck t1_j9i7z0q wrote

Unfortunately he was unfaithful and that's real big, but it sounds like he has some things to figure out. May as well bring it up once you've had a moment, he's either gay or bi (unless he already told you) and he was unfaithful. he's probably not being honest about it with himself and now he's hurt you and damaged or destroyed yalls relationship as a result.

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Catsmak1963 t1_j9ih51v wrote

He still cheated, I think you should tell him you know asap and take it from there.

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Soupsocks97 t1_j9iqp23 wrote

Often times when terrible things happen we want to blame ourselves because we want to think that we have control over the situation in some way. If it was our fault, then that means we can make sure it doesn’t happen again.

In reality though, many things are out of our control.

It won’t make things hurt less, but I hope hearing this can help you make some sense of these feelings. I’m so sorry. We are here for you though, to listen and to talk if you need it.

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alexuprise t1_j9ihike wrote

It's not you or that guy, it's the cheater's mindset that makes such things happening. Be kind to yourself!

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AnEpicTaleOfNope t1_j9iyrr2 wrote

This situation didn't change anything about your character or his, it just illuminated what was already there. That he is a cheater, and that you are a really caring generous person. Cheaters cheat, so even if you hadn't discovered it this time he'd be cheating anyway. Not your fuck up. Everything you did was with a warm and generous heart, and I'm so sorry your partner is such a giant jerk and disappointment, you deserve much better.

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KingNyx t1_j9j3eux wrote

Even if you didn't, it would've been someone else

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lokregarlogull t1_j9j6pxl wrote

You never know how the dice turn out. Good chance you might found out a similar thing years later after a marriage, or with children in the mix, at that point things become a lot more complicated.

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timeemac t1_j9lhgo0 wrote

I know your feeling may impact your ability to see things rationally for a while, but I'd like to present a counter-point for you to consider when you're ready. You think it's your fault for providing him the opportunity to cheat. Have you considered that maybe he was always a cheater and that has nothing to do with you? There are plenty of people in committed relationships that have plenty of opportunity to cheat, but do not because they do not want to. The opportunity to cheat isn't the only variable in this equation.

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DaftHacker t1_j9lo0sm wrote

Op you did nothing wrong at all, you should actually be cherished for doing such things for him. Just leave him, sex with an old friend is obviously more important that your feelings and self worth.

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oldar4 t1_j9iin0q wrote

If he didn't do it now its very possible he would've another time or already has. Dont blame yourself.

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throwawaySnoo57443 t1_j9iwa13 wrote

It’s not your fault at all. And chances are you bf has cheated before.

You deserve better than him. Find someone who’ll treat you right.

But whatever you do don’t marry this guy. Never, ever marry someone who cheats on you.

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markwell9 t1_j9jc68z wrote

You may have brought the man to him. But he had the character of a cheater before that. You just found out now. Cut your losses and move on to someone who will be loyal to you.

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jm7489 t1_j9jmv2v wrote

Yeah there's a lot going in here in terms of his closet bisexuality and motivations.

Doesn't change that he cheated and that being unfaithful should always end a relationship

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TheOneAndOnlyKirke t1_j9js5dx wrote

This instance would not have happened but would have ultimately occurred in the future.

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Kraggen t1_j9krl3j wrote

Translating your story a bit it reads as “I gave my boyfriend an opportunity to cheat on me and he took it”. That’s his failure morally and a peek into the hidden bit of himself he keeps from you, like we all have. It’s an ugly thing, but you can’t unknow it about him and you can’t trust him since you know. Do the right thing for yourself OP.

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tilalk t1_j9iszia wrote

If it wasn't this man it would have been another

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[deleted] t1_j9ho7y9 wrote

If your boyfriend enjoys having sex with men there iis a 0% chance this wouldn't have happened whether now or later on down the road when it would have been 1000x harder to leave. Bi-sexual and gay men don't just suddenly stop wanting to have sex with men because they get married to a woman and try to pretend they aren't what they are. It usually gets worse.

It has nothing to do with you or your self-worth. I'm guessing your soon to be ex-bf being ex-military caused him to keep his sexual identity hidden and he just got used to it. But only a horrible person would do that while stringing along someone they are supposed to love.

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Friendlyfire2996 t1_j9hzwtb wrote

I. Don’t. Cheat. I’m a Bisexual man married to the same woman for almost fifty years. The whole cheating thing is a vicious, ignorant, phobic stereotype. Bisexual people are no more likely to cheat than anyone else.

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[deleted] t1_j9i71fg wrote

How does that change that this person was literally cheating on her lol what the fuck are you talking about? And when did I say that bisexual men are more likely to cheat than straight men?

Figure your shit out dude. This person obviously has issues and it seems like you do too if you're getting this defensive about it.

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JadeLogan123 t1_j9iwcil wrote

You very heavily implied that bisexual men are more likely to cheat then straight men.

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Nailbomb85 t1_j9hp5kl wrote

'Want' to have sex is a useless baseline to even mention. It's his actions that matter.

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[deleted] t1_j9hpckk wrote

Actions aren't going to change a biological inclination towards wanting to have sex with men lol what?

So your solution is for him to just stay closeted and not have sex with men even if he is gay or bi-sexual? As long as he doesn't commit to action everything is fine?

Such a weird take. He's obviously not mentally or emotionally adjusted to his reality.

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Nailbomb85 t1_j9hqbl9 wrote

Wow, you're really lacking in the critical thinking department, eh?

​

He can 'want' to have sex with men all he wants, but he's in a relationship. Actually doing it though? That's cheating. That's not ok, period.

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ArtemisWYK t1_j9ih5bu wrote

That's like saying straight men will always cheat with women. Or straight women will always cheat with men. Your comments are not only disgusting, but so harmful to bisexual people (and very false.)

Do better.

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[deleted] t1_j9j2rai wrote

[deleted]

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ArtemisWYK t1_j9jkcfa wrote

Well when you dirty edit your posts it looks different. Delete this you coward

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rhymes_with_snoop t1_j9imof5 wrote

If he only wanted to have sex with women, he still wouldn't be okay to have sex with women other than the woman he was with. Being bisexual just doubles (minus one) the people he's not allowed to have sex with and still be monogamous. It's not being closeted to be bi-sexual and monogamous. What are you even thinking?

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Birdbraned t1_j9hx1he wrote

Being bi or gay is not a pass to cheat if you're in a monogamous relationship, no matter how far in or out of the closet they are

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[deleted] t1_j9i7gv2 wrote

Okay? Great point I guess? How does that change that this bisexual man was having sex with men behind his partners back?

When did I say being bi or gay gave you a pass to cheat? All of you clowns getting so upset over the slightest things, it must get so tiring living your life.

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Northstar1989 t1_j9igiso wrote

>My first thought would be don't stay with a cheater.

Indeed.

>One thing you need for sure is to get tested. Being cheated on always brings the risk of STDs.

This is always good advice- but, having seen many posts exactly like this before, but not involving another man, I will say this: it's telling that far more people jump to STI's in this case.

Yes, gay sex is definitely more risky than straight sex if unprotected.

But homosexual and bisexual men AREN'T inherently any more promiscuous than their straight counterparts, despite a lot of biased claims to the contrary (I will also acknowledge: those fully in "gay culture" in the 70's were more promiscuous, but HIV but an end to that...)

The fact that everyone immediately jumps to STI's with a bisexual cheater, while they wouldn't with a straight cheater, does say something about internalized bias: even if STI testing is always a good idea regardless.

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n2oc10h12c8h10n402 t1_j9ihqp5 wrote

>!This is always good advice- but, having seen many posts exactly like this before, but not involving another man, I will say this: it's telling that far more people jump to STI's in this case.

My NUMBER ONE ADVICE is to go get tested when cheating is the issue.

>!But homosexual and bisexual men AREN'T inherently any more promiscuous than their straight counterparts.

when did i mention those things on my comment??? Please point it out.

>!The fact that everyone immediately jumps to STI's with a bisexual cheater, while they wouldn't with a straight cheater, does say something about internalized bias: even if STI testing is always a good idea regardless.

Also when did i mention those things on my comment??? Please point it out.

Cheating is cheating and it doesn't matter who one got cheated on with, a man or a woman. Whoever got cheated on SHOULD GET TESTED.

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Northstar1989 t1_j9iiuw4 wrote

>My NUMBER ONE ADVICE is go get tested when cheating is the issue.

It's always good advice.

>when did i mention those things on my comment??? Please point it out.

You didn't explicitly mention it.

I'm speaking to some of the subconscious assumptions people hold, that causes them to immediately jump to getting tested in this situation.

>Whoever got cheated on SHOULD GET TESTED.

I agree. Fully.

But the fact a much, much higher percentage of comments mention this with a bisexual cheater hints at internalized biases that Bisexuals are "dirty" and "unclean."

I should know- I hold some of these biases myself, due to religious teachings as a child (and an abusive, homophobic father), and am Bisexual. Obviously, this contradiction is a problem for my self-image: but I'm aware of the problem.

Most people hold biases like this, but aren't consciously aware of them.

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n2oc10h12c8h10n402 t1_j9ijgjr wrote

>!Most people hold biases like this, but aren't consciously aware of them.

I'm not one of these people. And just because I suggested getting tested you shouldn't assume I am one.

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Northstar1989 t1_j9iknjd wrote

>I'm not one of these people.

Since these biases are usually subconscious (the same way people often hold subconscious biases against black people- including black Police Officers), how do you know that?

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rhymes_with_snoop t1_j9in0b8 wrote

I have never seen a post about someone cheating where one of the top comments didn't involve getting tested for STIs (oof, double negative, mean to say it is always one of the top comments). Because it's always good advice.

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Northstar1989 t1_j9inora wrote

>have never seen a post about someone cheating where one of the top comments didn't involve getting tested for STIs

True.

But look at all the lower-level comments.

The proportion is different here.

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emv518 t1_j9h4icy wrote

Get tested immediately. An ex boyfriend of mine was cheating the whole time: with strangers (men and women) from Craigslist while not using protection. It made me sick and I felt so violated. You need to leave this twat immediately. You deserve better than someone who would betray you. Take time to grieve the relationship and the future you lost. This was hardest for me. We had a house that we would drive by and say one day we would move in together. We had our future kids names picked out. It literally turned my whole world upside down to find out. But it was for the best that I found out before I actually was married or had the loser’s kids. Be grateful you found out before that, too. I’m here if you need to talk.

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Certain_Syllabubb OP t1_j9h5kco wrote

That is horrible! I am so sorry. And thank you! For now I just want to wrap myself in my fav blanket and get away from all this

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Arnold729 t1_j9hafya wrote

So he’s gay?

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ciarenni t1_j9hdgps wrote

Bi people exist. Also, what an incredibly tone-deaf comment.

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athos90 t1_j9jk6zq wrote

I agree with what this person advised, however i would advise caution on the blanket statement of “Someone who loves you, won t hurt you.” I d treat this statement with a grain of salt and i d be careful of offloading responsibility to one side . I think people that love each other hurt each other because of miscommunication. Have a look at the subject of non violent communication : https://youtu.be/l7TONauJGfc . I know it s a long video but you can search for shorter ones if u feel like it .

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[deleted] t1_j9ignj5 wrote

[removed]

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pmmeurcatpicsplz t1_j9iimfx wrote

Nah. Literally every cheating post that I've seen on reddit suggests this, most are straight relationships.

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[deleted] t1_j9ij3fu wrote

[removed]

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TyPasta_ t1_j9irhhs wrote

You're getting downvoted because you're wrong lol

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pmmeurcatpicsplz t1_j9ijuz1 wrote

Not all the replies. I mean that some person on the post itself will remind the OP to get tested.

I won't deny that people automatically go to that if it's a mm relationship but I've seen tons of posts related to cheating on reddit with those suggestions. Go check out some posts on r/relationships or something and you'll see what I mean

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Northstar1989 t1_j9ikrlq wrote

> I mean that some person on the post itself will remind the OP to get tested.

Of course. I don't claim otherwise.

But here, we have MOST replies saying it- which is frankly, extremely suspicious, as that's NOT the norm with MF cheating.

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Certain_Syllabubb OP t1_j9jjzk2 wrote

Oh wow this blew up. So to answer some questions as I feel so emotionally exhausted I can't reply to all of them but I read all of the comments and I am super grateful for all of you guys!

  1. we did talk about Sex a lot and very open and we had anal Sex but I didn't get the feeling that he preferred either to the other. I asked him if he wanted to try any butt stuff and I ate him out once and a little finger play but he never demanded more or anything. I didn't think there was anything lacking in our Sex life.

  2. I made an appointment for STD check but unfortunately it is on Friday and until then I have to wonder.

  3. I haven't talked to him about it yet. I don't think I can even start the conversation without breaking down crying. But I went to my mom who recently had an accident so me helping her out isn't even a lie. But I think he knows something is up as I haven't been as close and loving as I usually am

  4. the messages were pretty clear. I get that guys are a bit weird sometimes and my friend circle is exactly like some people here said their friends were like. If you didn't know they were straight you would absolutely assume they were gay.

  5. we live together and have at least another year on our lease. I might figure that out later as I am currently trying to run away from my problems

  6. I don't think I can stay with him even after we talked. Even if he would beg for forgiveness and I could find it in my heart to grand it to him. I just feel like he betrayed everything we were. He is my first boyfriend, the first person I put so much trust in after my family is always difficult and constantly disappointing me. I put my entire soul out for him and he crushed it. I feel like part of me is missing like a limb.

I will update once I talked to him. I can't run away forever, I know that.

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lionsfan2016 t1_j9jzxvj wrote

For sure don't stay with him better you find out now rather than later!

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Ranvier01 t1_j9kxge3 wrote

Don't think of it as 3 years lost - it is 10-15 years gained.

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ductyl t1_j9kmz3d wrote

You can always get out of a lease, or change it to remove one of you. Definitely don't let that be the thing that holds you back.

40

Hexogram t1_j9l12wb wrote

Hey, OP. I’m sorry you’re going through this, and I imagine this is incredibly overwhelming. Do you have a close friend you can share this with? Maybe someone you can stay with? It might be good for you to figure out a game plan of sorts ahead of talking to you boyfriend. I’d hate to be stuck in the same place as my cheating ex after the truth is spilled.

15

Niliks t1_j9lu8k1 wrote

I just want to say I wish you the best, and remind you that you DO deserve a genuine partner. It WILL get better, somehow. That is all.

7

solgetet t1_j9s98ea wrote

One thing is for certain, you'll move on, maybe start a new life with someone new. All you need is time to heal. Time heals everything. Consider this an experience with a lot of lessons learnt.

2

CrystalQueen3000 t1_j9h2a50 wrote

That sucks but it’s not your fault so don’t blame yourself. Cheaters gonna cheat and he’s fully responsible for his own actions.

184

survival-nut t1_j9h2hed wrote

Get tested for STI's

150

Certain_Syllabubb OP t1_j9h58rv wrote

Oh god I didn't even think about that. Now I feel even more sick

115

Jl4233 t1_j9i20nv wrote

I'm really sorry this happened to you.

23

Bubbly-Incident t1_j9h6acb wrote

>Did he do it before? Was our entire relationship a lie?

I really don't think so, from what you've told here your boyfriend didn't mind doing things only with you, especially after his fight with his friends.

What I and my phony know-it-all-ism think it happened was that his friend came out during this time that they were apart and realized he had feelings towards your boyfriend back in their military days and he unfortunately did this.

Because if your boyfriend never gave the impression that they previously hooked up in the past, if he never felt visibly awkward when you joked about it or if he never kept on talking a lot about Leo, I presume there's no reason to think that something happened before between the two and no reason to think that your boyfriend "was secretly in love with him" all of this time...

Since you two have this intimacy of using each others phones, just be honest with him: tell him exactly what you told here about you trying to take a picture of your cat, that the message popped up and you couldn't help feeling uneasy... it is an extraordinary thing to happen to anyone and I think he'll understand why you read their conversation.

You sound like a cool person, I hope you can sort this thing out. I really can't imagine how you must be feeling and at the same time asking to yourself what in the world has happened... take care.

130

AllYouNeedIsATV t1_j9hx2j3 wrote

“I think he’ll understand why you read that conversation”… uh what? Boyfriend is a cheater why do we care about how he feels about how OP found out.

75

Jl4233 t1_j9i1g0y wrote

Yeah I feel like there are a ton of super weird responses trying to tip toe around cheater's feelings. If he had been banging a woman behind her back i really don't think these people would be being so empathetic.

If the guy was struggling to be out i feel bad for him about that. But he's also a grade A scumbag for cheating on what sounds like an incredibly caring and devoted girlfriend. There's nothing to "work out" here, he doesn't deserve her effort.

40

Northstar1989 t1_j9ihvt3 wrote

You need to get out of the habit of treating people you heard cheated (which, might not even be true: this story sounds real, but people definitely make up false claims. For instance, my father, who cheated on my mother, made up false claims she cheated on him so people would hate her instead...) as inhuman.

This is really no different than how some people treat the homeless, drug addicts, etc. Or how people used to treat men and women, simply for being gay.

These people are all still human. Maybe one hurt you in the past: but that's no excuse to treat an entire group of people who made one mistake as inhuman monsters.

And, again, I've seen how people can abuse this tendency by spreading false rumors about someone cheating.

−16

Northstar1989 t1_j9ihhf1 wrote

>think it happened was that his friend came out during this time that they were apart and realized he had feelings towards your boyfriend back in their military days and he unfortunately did this.

This is my instinct too.

Those who serve together in the military develop a very close bond, and unfortunately that likely made it harder for the bf to resist the temptation to cheat.

He still screwed up, BAD, but cheating with someone you were in literal life-and-death situations with is at least a little understandable.

>Since you two have this intimacy of using each others phones, just be honest with him: tell him exactly what you told here about you trying to take a picture of your cat, that the message popped up and you couldn't help feeling uneasy... it is an extraordinary thing to happen to anyone and I think he'll understand why you read their conversation.

Honesty is indeed always the best policy.

A lot of people here saying "fuck it, he's a cheater" need to realize cheaters are still human- and there's no reason to make things worse with them than necessary.

It reminds me far too much of how people treat drug addiction, the homeless, etc. I.E. dehumanizing others. Sadly, most of us could have been in their shoes were our upbringing and circumstances different.

Also, this kind of dehumanization becomes so toxic that people can ruin someone's reputation merely by spreading falsely rumors of past drug use, sexual deviance, etc.

I know my father spread such completely false rumors about my mother after her divorcing him, for instance (in reality, he cheated on her).

So, don't get in the habit of dehumanizing others.

−16

TrainableGirl t1_j9hwuls wrote

You didn’t eff up. You did a kind thing reconnecting your boyfriend with an old army buddy after he lost other friends. You did nothing wrong. HE effed up. It may be that he’s never been attracted to men before and that’s why he’s handling it so poorly, but that’s a him problem. Just sit him down and tell him what you told us about the cat picture leading to text messages. Explain to him that you won’t allow yourself to be cheated on and either they split up so you can work on things (only if YOU want), or he can pack his things. But again I say, YOU DID NOT EFF UP!

Take as much time as you need to heal. I’m sure you had a whole future planned and you’re being ripped from it with no fault of your own. Snuggle the kitty while wrapped in all the blankets, but never, and I mean NEVER, blame yourself for this!

105

Lance4494 t1_j9hj2oh wrote

Theres no excuse for his actions. Im married and my wife has health issues as well (lots of them) we havent done anything in 4 years (yes its stressful as hell for me). Im a stay at home dad and havent seen any of my friends in 4 years. I havent cheated, he has no excuse. Dump his ass, throw his crap on the lawn, and spray paint cheating asshole across the front door!

I hope you find better!

71

SnoopThereItIs88 t1_j9hk53y wrote

Oof. That's a lot to handle in your own. I hope you're doing ok! It's ok to take a break and see friends.

28

Lance4494 t1_j9hldaa wrote

Would love to, most of them moved away. Would love to go to a dnd game at some point. Never have time. Would love to just go to a damn pool hall and shoot some billiards, someones always asking me to do something. And weve been stuck at her parents house for some damn reason living there for the last 4 and a half years.

Its starting to feel like prison

11

SnoopThereItIs88 t1_j9hmho2 wrote

Ugh. That's a hell of a corner you're in. I can imagine the stress you're under. I hope your wife gets better soon.

Do you have Discord or Tabletop? You can play virtual games with them, including DnD! Tabletop is free, with a lot of virtual versions of games. I have a monthly Jackbox date with a few out of state friends and it's so much fun just to chill for an hr or so. I don't even need pants.

5

Lance4494 t1_j9hn2yr wrote

Yeah, hard finding a group sometimes. Im very much a people person (and it drives my wife insane when i talk to random people in walmart) i had one group but it ended up stopping when schedules kept conflicting.

I started writing my own idea for a campaign centered around the idea of a guild, and a random table of posted quest on a guild board. Im currently trying to make 100 of these random quests that rotate 10 at a time. Simply roll a d100 10 times and you have your quests. Any overlap? Simple one less quest choice. Along with a seperate main questline for when the entire group is actually together.

8

SnoopThereItIs88 t1_j9hnqe2 wrote

That's awesome! It's almost like a bunch of "Choose your own adventures" that tie into one big story. Very cool!

My husband is the same- golden retriever in a man's body. I don't think he's ever met a person he didn't like.

Hopefully you guys can catch a break soon!

4

dustyrags t1_j9ifszv wrote

My brother’s DND game moved to zoom for pandemic. Why not that? Call the old gang, get a monthly game going, zoom that shit.

2

dustyrags t1_j9ifk5x wrote

Dude, I don’t know you from Adam, but I’mma throw some free advice out here…

Ya gotta take care of yourself. Right now, you’re doing a hell of a lot for your lady and your smallfry, and that’s awesome! BUT! You can’t keep doing that if you burn yourself out, and besides, you deserve some you time too, completely separately of that.

Talk to your lady. Talk to her ‘rents. Tell them you’re burning out and need to make some space to chill and recharge before you deplete your battery completely. Good folks will understand. Take an evening, even if it’s just a couple times of month, and do SOMETHING for yourself. Join a pool league. Go hang at the local game store. Make a date with yourself to hang in a local cafe/check out a museum/go for a local bike ride/see a movie in the theater with popcorn and everything… just do SOMETHING.

Believe me, it’s worth it, and there’s nothing wrong with needing a little you time. It doesn’t mean you love your family any less. Stop being a martyr and take care of yourself so you can keep taking care of them. You got this. Some rando in the internet is rooting for you! :D

18

IamMooz t1_j9hbkow wrote

You didn't FU. Get tested and speak to him.

66

BerserkerRed t1_j9iiye7 wrote

My soon to be ex-wife cheated multiple times. I blamed myself for a lot of it. But the thing that’s still hard for me to accept and understand is that you are not responsible for the decisions of other people.

You did not make him cheat. He made the decision to break your trust. He chose to hide that from you.

You. Are. Not. Responsible. For. His. Decisions.

32

Mirawenya t1_j9j2x1g wrote

No point competing when the prize is a cheater

27

DcikHurtzer t1_j9i7mha wrote

I recently went through a cheater situation similar to how you caught him. I simply handed her her phone and asked wtf is this. Seemed to work well. She came clean and I explained to her she had just ended our 20 year marriage.

24

fade2black244 t1_j9ir7t2 wrote

I'm curious, what were her reasons?

8

DcikHurtzer t1_j9kwfap wrote

There was a lot to it. Id have to post a novel if you want more details or have questions dm me but basically we got together at a young age. People grow and change over the years. She decided she wanted to live differently maybe bored with our life. She had several guys trying to get at her that she worked with. One of them she had befriended. I told her he was also out for more. He eventually got his chance she caved obviously and that was that. Things had been rough between us for a little bit. She wants to get back together but there’s just no way.

7

fade2black244 t1_j9ls3zk wrote

Sorry to hear that happened to you, thanks for the explanation. It'll get better my dude.

3

GlowQueen140 t1_j9iek7k wrote

This reminds of Ross in friends and how he had encouraged his wife to make more friends, and then she realised she was lesbian.

And yeah the situation totally sucks for you and please mourn your relationship. But also tell yourself that you found out before you guys decided to tie the knot.

Also, your bf is a total dillhole for not being man enough to come clean with you. You’re better off girl.

22

Mr_Oujamaflip t1_j9iwdwn wrote

Change all your passwords.

17

UnicornBelieber t1_j9mher1 wrote

And your email associated with your accounts. If any of your accounts are linked to his email, he can do a password recovery and take over your account(s).

2

chickendie t1_j9it9t2 wrote

You are a very caring partner and someone would love to have you by their side. Please don't feel bad about yourself.

15

goodknightffs t1_j9hh8ye wrote

Like the rest have said non of this matters.. If he cheated he cheated

But and this might sound weird how sure are you they slept together?

Because sometimes men especially if they served together can be pretty "gay" on text etc but it's all a joke

But you did mention you've been having less sex so I'd say trust your self

Anyways it seems like he cheated so gtfo or better yet kick the mf out you deserve better so please if he really cheated don't give him another chance

13

GiftedOaks t1_j9idx3s wrote

I read your comment and then immediately realized that if someone ever got my phone and saw the messages between me and the guys I work with, they would assume I was in to some wild shit lol

5

goodknightffs t1_j9j4wcd wrote

Lol exactly! And it good double for people in the military imo

4

Consistent_Rent_3507 t1_j9keyac wrote

I’d like to understand what OP’s boyfriend and his past friends fought about. He lost all of them? I wonder if it’s somehow connected? Maybe he was more than friends with someone in the group on the down low and the friends dropped him when he wouldn’t be honest with OP.

13

Certain_Syllabubb OP t1_j9kfut8 wrote

It was actually a girl. He was interested in her before he met me and followed her like a sad puppy and she loved the attention (she was the center of that group) and once he stopped showering her in attention she got cranky and started talking shit. But that friends cirlce was doomed anyway as I see it. You can't just get a few people that are all new on the are and say "we are now best friends forever" that won't work. Maybe a few of them will stay friends but the whole thing had an expiration date.

But now that this ehole shitshow happened who knows if this is really exactly what happened. I have no way of knowing. I am constantly questioning everything right now :(

10

Orkin2 t1_j9hakkw wrote

It sucks... At least you know the man you are with. I am sorry but if someone can go over a month with sleeping with someone else while in a relationship... That says all I need to know about this man you are with. You choosing to stay... Now that will determine the man you are. One that is alright with this, Or one that will not be disrespected.

the only fuck up is your ex cheating on you. THat is all. I am sorry and hope you find love for you

12

Traditional-Eye-3727 t1_j9hcrl3 wrote

I say that you should sit him and leo down and talk/confront them about it. You should 100% get tested for STDs or STIs since cheating always comes with that risk.

11

Ibelieveinoddities t1_j9hd55e wrote

I think you need to get tested and you need to just confront him about this. Or go to Leo first. You don’t need to waste your time on this. You don’t need to deal with the mental anguish of it all. Your current partner is clearly not trustworthy and keeping a secret about sleeping with someone else and that could have transmitted something to you.

Honestly call them out on it and pack your things

11

RateMyPhalanges t1_j9hesdd wrote

Or...have a really awesome 3-some. Turn lemons into lemonade right?

−13

thentil t1_j9hrg5y wrote

tbh that's where I would be too. But definitely talk to him. Can't do anything without that first.

−8

nnhorizon t1_j9ig16e wrote

You’d be surprised how many “straight” or married guys are on Grindr and other gay dating sites. Sorry this happened to you, you’re not alone and it’s not your fault.

10

Leviathan41911 t1_j9h8l8u wrote

Don't feel bad or inadequate. None of it was your fault.

Don't feel bad about yourself either, since he was cheating with another man it's possible he was craving something you had no way of giving him. (Not an excuse for cheating) my point is that you don't need to feel bad about yourself because he was wanted to be with a man, and that has nothing to do with you and is in no way your fault.

Do your best to compose yourself and confront him. Get your answers and decide what you want to do.

9

AllYouNeedIsATV t1_j9hx92i wrote

“Craving something you had no way of giving him” is a stupid ass take and contributes to the narrative that bisexual people are always cheating

4

Leviathan41911 t1_j9i9gpn wrote

On the contrary, I said it's not an excuse for cheating... pretty blantly. I also never stated bisexual people always cheat, never said that once. I was saying she needs not feel insecure in herself because he wanted something she didn't have and she has no reason to feel bad or guilty about that.

I'm not sure where you're getting the context that you are implying from other than it feels like you're trying to be defensive for the sake of being offended.

6

AllYouNeedIsATV t1_j9iufy8 wrote

Craving something you had no way of giving us implying that because your partner is missing a body part you may like, you will always be craving it? So if you’re bi and with a woman, you’ll saying they’ll always be craving a dick and if you’re with a man, they’ll always be craving a vagina? Is that not implying the bi person is always looking to cheat?

−1

HugeBrainsOnly t1_j9jzwrg wrote

You inferring something does not mean that thing was implied.

2

Leviathan41911 t1_j9ixfgp wrote

No it's not. It's also not at all what I said. I said him and you changed him to all bi people.

I never said all bi people, I said it was him it was his issue. Never once did I say it was a trait that all bi people have.

1

Majorlagger t1_j9j4a02 wrote

No. Thats not what they said at all, you can choose to infer meaning, or actually read what they wrote. Which was that it is NO excuse for cheating. Their entire post was obviously centered around OP not feeling inadequate or lacking. It was clear it was put in as a possible reason for this man cheating, reasons are not excuses. And the man is still absolutely at fault. It was important to say this because many people in OPs shoes would feel like they where part of the problem or feel insecure.

1

Birdbraned t1_j9hxf1y wrote

You did a good thing for someone you felt had no friends of their own (I hope you also have your own friends), to expand their social circle.

You didn't make the decision to cheat for him, or to lie to you.

Never be ashamed for acting in ways that should make the world better.

8

CosmicOwl47 t1_j9k3cww wrote

This isn’t on you. You should be allowed to encourage your partner to have friends without worrying that he’ll sleep with them. He took advantage of your trust in him and betrayed it.

8

SyrupOnToast t1_j9kxhw2 wrote

That fucking sucks. Not at all you fault, that was a lovely thing you did and you deserve someone better

5

Dank_sniggity t1_j9hxgcx wrote

Unless my wife brought home a lady, expressly told me to and with a notary present, ordered me to have carnal knowledge with her… I still wouldn’t till she did first. I’d still be hesitant.

Dudes a cheater, doesn’t matter what team he swings for, or both.

4

mtgguy999 t1_j9i0wee wrote

You didn’t fuck up. If the only thing that was stopping your bf from cheating before was lack of an opportunity then he was already a cheater.

4

Rabrab123 t1_j9kwxy7 wrote

Piss easy decision. Just break up and tell him he is scum, like he is. gif

4

CHEEZOR t1_j9mzgw1 wrote

As someone who has been cheated on and tried staying together afterwards, I would highly recommend leaving this relationship. However, if you guys choose to stay together, you will need to get counseling for both of you. Also, I would not recommend keeping this a secret from people in your life. I tried to and I think it was much healthier after we broke up and I started to talk about what happened. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

4

Verbose_Cactus t1_j9ltqj6 wrote

Oh honey, I’m just so sorry. Please don’t blame yourself though OP. I’ve been through something like this, where I basically convinced her that her “just friend” was actually interested in her…

I just didn’t realize the feeling was mutual for her. Oops.

But in reality, the willingness to cheat was already there no matter what you or I did

3

lucpet t1_j9hsv6k wrote

This is not your fault!

You may have sped the process up, but this was always going to happen!

2

ixramuffin t1_j9iy08y wrote

> I wanted to marry this man and have his babies.

You got robbed of your future and expectations. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

2

andmewithoutmytowel t1_j9jc279 wrote

Though this might have saved her more heartache in the future. She’s getting out before marriage and before kids.

5

ixramuffin t1_j9jdnq9 wrote

There are good and bad sides to everything in life.

2

Affectionate_Math_96 t1_j9jmra0 wrote

Your partner is a cheating piece of shit. You did nothing wrong. You tried to bring a friend into his life for him. He decided he didn't care enough about you, that he didn't respect you or your relationship enough to break it off or to not cheat.

This isn't on you. You're not competing. You are not the problem. You didn't cheat. He did. Fucking kick him to the curb because he is not worthy of you.

You deserve better. You deserve decent. He is not worth it.

Find someone who gives a damn about you (and there are many people who will).

I'm sorry he cheated. I'm sorry he lied. He isn't though. Don't let him keep hurting you.

2

UltrosTheOctopus t1_j9jondq wrote

I'm really sorry for what you're going through and you didn't fuck up. I do want to bring up one thing though. Sometimes guys joke in a gay way with each other and it can even get pretty graphic. I have no way of knowing if this is the case though. You definitely need to approach him about it and see what he has to say.

2

gamingdevil t1_j9jxsbo wrote

I kinda took the part about OP scrolling up in the past messages as OP seeing pics shared, though they didn't explicitly say that...

1

kalyancr7 t1_j9jqvia wrote

Some people defending the guy .u all need to come outside and see the real world .bunch of weirdos justifying infidelity.

2

NurgleTheUnclean t1_j9jx2qc wrote

You didn't FU! You uncovered a irreconcilable flaw in your relationship, before it became a life long regret.

2

Sum-Duud t1_j9jygxo wrote

You need to do what you feel is right. He cheated and that sucks, it was with a guy, so does he have a preference of men and you are a cover or does he enjoy both and okay with both? That only matters if you are okay sharing him, though since he did cheat I would argue that he will again if the Leo thing doesn't work out (yeah I fall in the once a cheater always a cheater belief system).

Either way you need to talk with him and then either cut ties and work the break up or accept that this is your life. An ultimatum is a horrible idea and this likely breaks the trust barrier, so I don't know that your relationship will ever be the same.

2

LuckyNipples t1_j9leke8 wrote

It feels like he wanted to be caught. You guys are super open about your phones and you share the same password, yet he let all these compromising messages on it for you to see.

Just get the fuck out of this relationship. Best luck to you OP.

2

eyepatch852 t1_j9lmwx9 wrote

You can't blame yourself for his infidelity, if he cheats with one person he'd cheat with another.

2

Femme0879 t1_j9lr9ld wrote

You didn’t FU. HE did. And as soon as you can, make sure his new bf knows that he’s been messing with a cheater. Something tells me your bf hasn’t said anything about you to him.

2

Certain_Syllabubb OP t1_j9o9x39 wrote

Well Leo knows that we were in a relationship. I told him something like "hey I am Sams girlfriend, do you remember him from ... I want to surprise him so do you wanna get back in contact" and so on. Also we went for breakfast together. He knew we were dating.

5

Femme0879 t1_j9obgvw wrote

Oh good that means they can both F off.

Do what you need to do to prepare yourself. Get in contact with friend and family in case you’ll need a place to stay or other people to be with you when you kick old boy out. Have everything packed and secured, and make sure he doesn’t get to spin the narrative to your social circle before you get to them first. Make sure the truth is known.

3

PurpleIncarnate t1_j9lxkxx wrote

“Sam, it is apparent to me that “Leo” has the majority of your attention. I fear that you are telling me you’re with Leo when you are actually meeting with another girl. I’m not going to make accusations, but I do want to discontinue our relationship so I can find one where I no longer have to question where I stand.” Or ... “My ok home died so I was going to use yours to take a pic of the cat. A text came through that shed light on your affair. I think it would be best for both of us to separate.”

I personally would take the honest approach.

2

bgalvan02 t1_j9m9lmb wrote

Sounds to me like he might be bi- but with a preference to male. Sorry OP but you need to talk it out as much as it might hurt you will need closure

2

swoopskee t1_j9xwhkm wrote

you know what? Maybe being single isn’t such a bad thing. Christ, I’d rather blow my brain out than go through relationship drama like this.

2

SolidAshford t1_ja1dhui wrote

You move out, Leo can move in problem solved...but something tells me their relationship will die in the light. Most affairs do

I'm sorry this happened to you and honestly, I'd just tell him I'm out, and getting my stuff. There's no need for further discussion if he'll blame you

2

little-birdbrain-72 t1_ja47y9y wrote

I don't think it matters whether he cheated with a man or a woman. He cheated. That's all you need to know. He broke your trust and he betrayed you in what was supposed to be a monogamous relationship. I think you have every right to be upset. And you have every right to walk away from the relationship if that's what feels right to you.

2

fade2black244 t1_j9iq5nj wrote

I'd say take some time to think about your next steps. Think about finances and living situation, think about arrangements, think about the questions you need to ask him for closure because it may be that he cares about you but doesn't know what to do.

Don't stay in the relationship, maybe way down the line you can still be friends with him. It sucks, but better now than later.

1

musiak1luver t1_j9isu41 wrote

I doubt this is the first time he's slept with Leo. You can't compete with a man. If he is willing to cheat so quickly after being together for 3 years, that tells you exactly where your relationship is at. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

1

monkeyballs2 t1_j9iuyfc wrote

Everyone said everything already so just sending a hug. Maybe go spend a weekend in a hotel eating chocolate before you do the whole blow up your life thing. Im sorry. Be kind to you and take all the time you need.

1

failmatic t1_j9j0djm wrote

This is really a blessing in disguise

1

Lightdevil166 t1_j9jhx63 wrote

I know how it feels, that sucks.. best case scenario is he is polygamous and only has you and sam and he is an asshole. Worst case, he is only an asshole and could never have been trusted. The thing is you will notice you will never believe anything he says anyway, he can't prove negatives. At some point you will realize you have to keep trusting a person that broke your trust in the worst way possible. That takes strength and maybe it's naive, unlikely it pays of. Or you do the smart thing and move on. Sunk cost fallacy is a thing it feels like you're not ever gonna find that fit again and if you dump him it's all wasted ..it's terrible.. but I recommend moving on, there is so much more life ahead of you and you can find something much better. In my case the other person didn't know about me either so we got to be friends and took a 1 week vacation together to get it all out. But it looks like Leo knows you exist and are infact a gf who wants a monogamous relationship,the chance is low that he doesn't know and sam told him "oh we are an open relationship" or smth.. but you can be a better judge of that. So Leo is very likely an asshole too.

All my strength to you, you can do this.

1

Nofabe t1_j9jrrmt wrote

To be fair to you, even if you had adressed it with him, it wouldn't have helped - I noticed my ex got more and more distant and our sex life pretty much nonexistent, I adressed her about it and all I got back was "work is stressful" but it was obvious there was more going on - still don't know if she was cheating or if there was something else going on but in the end we broke up

1

Marier2 t1_j9lk42m wrote

Update me

1

burrhe t1_j9idw4n wrote

This was not your fault, you did a wonderful thing for the man you loved and he threw it in your face. I hope you come out of this a stronger person, being hurt like this takes a toll <3

0

DoNotEverListenToMe t1_j9iey6b wrote

Pack his shit up, tell him you know, and tell him he's a pos for cheating and move on

0

bacontacos420 t1_j9kqvw7 wrote

I will never understand why someone would even consider staying with someone after they got cheated on. Cheaters are scum of the earth who don’t deserve any symphony. I’ve never been cheated on but I promise you if someone I was in a relationship with did that I wouldn’t even think twice about leaving them. Once a cheater always a cheater. Cheaters are sketchy and I don’t fuck with sketchy ppl

0

No_Quality8851 t1_j9lsz3d wrote

I'd walk up to him "So you f*ck boys?" 🤣😂😅 women have buttholes too

0

Temst t1_j9iinci wrote

UpdateMe!

−1

taojoannes t1_j9jfpcy wrote

Don't be so quick to run. Maybe he's just ashamed to be bisexual and didn't know how to tell you.

Try talking to him compassionately, acknowledge you could never give him what a man does, and decide if you can make room for that in your life. Many people do.

Or throw away the relationship and start looking again for someone to start over from scratch with.

The dishonesty is bad, but understandable. Lead with love and see what happens.

−1

Neptunianx t1_j9johsh wrote

Watch Grace & Frankie, you might get a kick out of it and it’s so relatable to your situation and it might help you heal and feel less alone. 🥺 I’m so sorry

−1

Temst t1_j9iimny wrote

/update me!

−2

Basic_Helicopter2045 t1_j9j0ttu wrote

I was like reading and reading and thinking, “wait where’s the cheating girl in this story?” Did you ever expect your bf to be into dudes?

−4

roszpunek t1_j9ivrcm wrote

Fuck yeah! That is the FU I like. Big drama, like in movies or so.

−5

Sdrake74 t1_j9kpebo wrote

If hes gay go get tested for std's!!!!!!

−5

SereneWisdom t1_j9ktitp wrote

While I agree that OP should get tested, I really don't see what being gay has to do with it. The boyfriend is a cheater. That is reason enough to get tested. But him being gay has nothing to do with it.

4

Sdrake74 t1_j9kug2p wrote

It literally says it on the cdc website.. butt ok you know more then them

−8

SereneWisdom t1_j9md3ot wrote

Never claimed to know more than them. I just don't see how in this one instance the boyfriend being gay trumps the boyfriend being a cheater as a reason to be tested.

2

ZedWithSwag t1_j9juryr wrote

bitch is being cheated on

bitch's inmediate response: how can i compete with a man!?

−9

bignerd64 t1_j9kfylf wrote

Stay out of his phone.

−12