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chawa4 t1_j8ityyg wrote

I hate this story. Why are you trying to act like an alpha when it’s very obvious you’re a virgin

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[deleted] OP t1_j8iudu2 wrote

[removed]

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Racetr t1_j8iwaai wrote

You unironically use the word "alpha"

Still you "it's impossible she knows I'm a virgin"...

Trust me, she knows 😂

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TheLumpyMailMan t1_j8j29yn wrote

Bro 🤦🏼‍♂️ why can't you just be honest with her? Clearly you lying and trying to be "alpha" didn't work. There's no such thing as "alpha" anyways, she's a grown ass woman and doesn't need some prick thinking he's in control of her. Insecure dudes use the term to try and make themselves feel better and it's just pure cringe. If you were just honest with the poor girl, she would have been more understanding and willing to take things slow. And if not, then that's her choice and maybe she doesn't want the responsibility of being someone's first. Lying and withholding information just to uphold a false appearance so you don't look weak is the actual weakest thing to do. Being honest and truthful the only thing close to being "alpha".

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Fluffanutz t1_j8itpi4 wrote

/r/askreddit

Edit: Just to confirm, I still believe you lost your “alpha” status the second you came on your own face and she laughed at you.

If she has already told her friends, then she will likely show them your grovelling texts as well if you do follow up.

If you absolutely have to message her, maybe just try not mentioning it and see if it gets brought up. There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin, being a desperate virgin is not a great look though.

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[deleted] OP t1_j8iu5w9 wrote

[removed]

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Fluffanutz t1_j8iw62k wrote

Yea. Judging by the tone of your posts, I’d guess you maybe bigged yourself up a bit prior to the event as well, which will not have helped.

Just mark it down as an L and move on. You will not find the comfort you seek on Reddit I’m afraid.

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PatReady t1_j8j9osm wrote

You should text her the truth and ask if next time it can be not on your face. Owen it at this. You will forever be cum on your face guy.

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jahkugou t1_j8ixf4x wrote

Oh honey... as a women about her age I'll tell you right now, she knows you're a virgin. Also, drop the "alpha" thing, it's super embarrassing and probably the reason you're still a virgin.

ETA: If she really wanted to have sex she wouldn't have written off those comments and stuck to the hj. And if she really liked you she probably would've at least given you a bj. Sounds like she was fucking with you or became disinterested. You can't salvage this.

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spicyhippos t1_j8j6wzl wrote

“Oh honey…” best possible response 😂

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[deleted] OP t1_j8iy9ww wrote

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jahkugou t1_j8iytoa wrote

No guy that I've ever been with who's actually good in bed feels the need to talk themselves up before we do the deed. You mentioning all those positions you want to try was a dead give away that you don't know what you're doing. She probably just gave you a handy because she felt bad or didn't want to seem like she's leading you on.

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jahkugou t1_j8iz495 wrote

Also, her friends already know. I would've texted the gc as soon as you walked out the front door.

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used_shoe t1_j8ivq2b wrote

of course a virgin would use a term like „alpha“.

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theedonnmegga t1_j8ix0w3 wrote

My exact immediate thought. Thinking in terms of “alpha male” is probably why dude is still a virgin at 30.

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Racetr t1_j8iukiy wrote

Yeah she clocked you... Why pretend you're something you're not?!

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[deleted] OP t1_j8iuoas wrote

[removed]

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Racetr t1_j8iuy1g wrote

She saw right through your act and proceeded to make a fool out of you to see how far you'd go with the act.

Idk if you should follow up, she'll probably make even more fun of you, especially if you try to continue to pretend like a 5 years old...

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[deleted] OP t1_j8ivcv6 wrote

[removed]

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Racetr t1_j8ivkxr wrote

From where the hell did you understand that she planned the facial thing?

I said she saw through your act, and proceeded to test her theory... It paid off big time...

She assumed because you tried too hard... simple

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opschief0299 t1_j8iv2ja wrote

Timed your release. Just be honest with yourself and others you'll have a better time.

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bloveddemon t1_j8iw424 wrote

But if I take this post seriously, I'd say this: stop pretending to be alpha, that's not a thing. Try to worry less about your inexperience. She's going to tell her friends regardless because it's a hilarious story. But that's ok, sex can be very funny.

I would think everything would be all good except her saying that she was tired afterwards. That's likely a lack of interest.

All you can do is have a good sense of humor about it. Make some jokes. Either she's interested in you or not and what you say probably isn't going to change that much. But either way, some good jokes will make you look good.

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petal_vento t1_j8iwb8d wrote

Oh lord Nothing turns me off more than “alpha male” expression.

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Alymon t1_j8ix3q6 wrote

What alpha status? You never had it.

There's nothing to say. If you like her and want to continue with a relationship with her, call her and apologize for misleading her. Maybe she'll appreciate the honesty and you can build from there. Cut the lies, grow the fuck up, and stop trying to act "alpha". Just be your fucking true self.

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Eraevn t1_j8iw63r wrote

Yeah, kinda shot yourself in one foot trying to act big because it's a negative stigma to be a virgin, then shot the other foot by trying to salvage an "alpha" image, not to mention your face shot, which probably could have been salvaged with good humor if you hadn't tried to act more experienced than you are.

You could try to talk to her about it, which goes one of three ways, depending on her. Either you add fuel to the laughingstock fire, get ghosted or goes nowhere, or finally honesty might buy you some goodwill and as long as you don't keep trying the alpha nonsense, might even get another shot.

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KickNo2069 t1_j8j3o1v wrote

Methinks he shot himself in the face, not in the foot :)

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jefflovesyou t1_j8j0t34 wrote

If you were convincing anyone in the world that you were an alpha male you would not be a 30 year old virgin.

Even the term alpha male is super cringe nowadays, but breaking it down, there are for sure dudes who hit the alpha archetype.

You aren't one of them.

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Mr007McDiddles t1_j8ix9xv wrote

> I saw a huge rope of cum erupted from my penis and splash me right in the face

Explain the circumstances that made this possible.

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Erewhynn t1_j8j654l wrote

Disappointing that I have to scroll this far to see someone call out the moment where an r/TIFU post reveals itself to be yet another piece of teenage creative writing

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MotorcycleItch t1_j8iz018 wrote

At least you got a handy out of it. That's something!

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Sea-Slip598 t1_j8j2n6z wrote

This is either made up or you have a really rough future with women ahead if you’re thinking/talking like that at 30 years old.

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SickNasty614 t1_j8j50j8 wrote

The way you use the word alpha is probably why your still a virgin.

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Data_lord t1_j8j7zbs wrote

She got tired of hearing you talk nonsense about sex. She continued the hj to defuse you so she didn't have to disappoint you or have sex with you. It was the easiest way to get you out of the door. Mr. Alpha left the building.

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spicyhippos t1_j8j6e7a wrote

You fucked up when you decided deception was your best move. That is the most weak thing about this, other than your desire to be “alpha”. If you want a strong sense of character then fucking accept yourself where you’re at and look for ways to improve. How about next time you just be honest? That’s the braver choice always.

She wants to give you a hj, and that might even be her kink. She might not fuck strangers right after meeting them. When you’re vibing with someone you’re interested in, just enjoy the ride and do what makes both of you happy. Also, what a dick move to not even reciprocate either. I know you’re embarrassed, we’ve all been there so don’t worry too much. Things to learn from you’re encounter: be honest with people your trying to fuck, desperation will turn people off, “being good in bed” means helping the other person cum, “alpha” mentality makes you sound like a child.

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DaintyParakeet t1_j8j6pyu wrote

The best advice is to move on and grow up.

By your age, this same damn thing has happened to almost every guy on Earth. It’s a funny story. It’s normal.

If you REALLY like her, just drop a line and don’t bring it up at all.

But trying to appear to be an “alpha” is just holding you back in your growth as a man. Get over that and then you’ll be ready for what comes after the HJ

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