GsTSaien t1_j7s3py6 wrote
Reply to comment by redbucket75 in Tifu by looking at half naked women by [deleted]
No that is definitely a boundary. Looking at women online is definitely a behavior.
You can say you wouldn't agree to this boundary, I wouldn't either, but you can't claim it isn't one.
redbucket75 t1_j7s4o28 wrote
It's just semantics, the difference between a rule and a boundary.
In a relationship I think of crossing someone's person boundaries as how you act towards/with them ("I don't like public affection", "I won't accept you telling me what to wear", etc.)
A rule to me, in a relationship, is behavioral limits one partner puts on another outside of how they are directly treated by their partner. Monogamy is a common rule. No porn, no Netflix cheating, no talking shit about their partner to friends, whatever.
But if you are using a working definition of boundaries that includes rules that's fine. It's not a big deal, and I probably shouldn't have bothered bringing it up.
GsTSaien t1_j7s5sol wrote
Personal boundaries are things like you mentioned, but there are also relationship boundaries. You seem to call those rules, I guess some could be called either, but rule to me implies something is wrong. No cheating is a rule. But a boundary moreso to me feels like "I do not feel comfortable going beyond this" For example, if my partner sleeps with someone else without checking in with me, that break a boundary, and it is cheating. If they talk to me first and I am ok with it, it does not cross a boundary. It is no longer cheating. No cheating is a rule, no problem so far. But cheating is relative to our boundaries.
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