Without malice or ill intent, you need to speak with someone.

This decision making process is not something a healthy brain does. These are not the choices of a health mind. I know it might not be acceptable to some cultures, but you are suffering from at least one mental health issue. I promise you talking to a licensed therapist will cost you less than $400usd and will provide you with more perspective and self confidance than a sex worker.

It is no different to having a broken arm or sore back, you mind needs some help to get healthy. A metaphorical brain cast to help heal some wounds. You cam even ask your GP for recomendations if you have a doctor. Trust me it is worth it.