My mom once had a cat they called Sassy who came to her as a street cat. She had a really big belly when thry found her (this was the 70s) and when they took her in all their friends would feel her belly and coo with delight because they could feel the kittens. Convinced she was pregnant every time my mom had to leave she would have someone cat sit in case she gave birth. Well 2 years went by and my mom found Sassy lying on the couch licking a big pink penis. Turns out all those kittens they could feel ans were ooing and awing about was just a fat ass street tom.

Without malice or ill intent, you need to speak with someone.

This decision making process is not something a healthy brain does. These are not the choices of a health mind. I know it might not be acceptable to some cultures, but you are suffering from at least one mental health issue. I promise you talking to a licensed therapist will cost you less than $400usd and will provide you with more perspective and self confidance than a sex worker.

It is no different to having a broken arm or sore back, you mind needs some help to get healthy. A metaphorical brain cast to help heal some wounds. You cam even ask your GP for recomendations if you have a doctor. Trust me it is worth it.

Isint this the plot of I am Legend?