Disclaimer: I am fully aware that my miscalculations were incredibly foolish.

This sequence of mistakes begins with me choosing to flick the bean midday, which was obviously already a questionable choice. In any case, I finished rather hastily without any complications, and began cleanup as per usual. Almost immediately after coming down, I realized that I had a violent need to piss, because I hadn't bothered to before I began clitar hero. Toys in hand, I scurried into the bathroom to drop them in the sink and sit on the toilet. Only, my dumbass decided to have a shit grip on them and I dropped my prized 6-inch silicone pleasure rod into the bowl. Whatever, I thought, I only need to piss, so I'll grab it while the toilet is flushing, so I get minimal toilet water on my hands - and this is where the worst of my mistakes began.

For some reason, I made the assumption that the little guy wasn't small enough to fit down the tube, and oh, sweet god, was I so wrong. The way that I stood up and flushed only to blankly watch that thing schwoop down the tube was the beginning of my downfall. That motherfucker was gone, dude. The water bubbled and gurgled a bit, a sure signal that my Spencer's blue-clear gradient dildo had clogged the toilet.

I stood there for a second, still pretty calm, like, "oh shit, I'll go get a rubber glove and just pull it out," except when I stuck my hand down yonder, I couldn't feel a thing.

After that, my situation really began to set in. Despite the bathroom being mostly my own, as a child in a family of five, someone was bound to come down to use my toilet at least once. And I had clogged it with a dildo. With there being no toilet paper floaties or weird particles, someone would get suspicious at some point. So, naturally, I began to freak out.

I spent the next hour scouring the ol' Google for something, anything, that would help my case. I stooped so low as to google the exact phrase "I flushed my dildo down the toilet help" and I actually did come across a similar (reddit, of course) situation, but it had no advice for my own.

Essentially, the only options I came down to having was A) a drain snake and B) completely removing the toilet from the floor altogether.

I tried to get that mf out with a drain snake and had no success. With growing panic, I weighed out my choices for plan B. I could either ask my dad for assistance because I've actually never dealt with toilet mechanics before, or I could disassemble my toilet myself, and by GOD I was not about to explain my situation to my highly strict and religious anti-sex father.

I don't believe in a God, but my circumstances had me telling him I'd never even jerk off again as long as I could get the stupid toy out and unclog my toilet.

After much finagling and girlbossing, I actually got my toilet taken apart just fine. In fact, it was shockingly easy. In any case, I dislodged the sad little dildo from the bottom of the pipe and chucked it in my shower while I reassembled my dumb toilet.

Suffice it all to say everything is fine and dandy now. If I were to give you any advice, don't assume your dildo can't fit down a toilet.

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tldr; i flushed a dildo down the toilet, thus clogging it and sending me into an existential panic.

edit: thank you to those who are laughing with me. please refrain from telling me to get a new seal, i already did.