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samx3i t1_isync9a wrote

Or worse!

Ever sneeze intensely and unexpectedly when you've got a serious case of the runs and you don't have time to properly prepare with a good clench and blow out the seat of your pants whilst attending a children's birthday party on the rare occasion you decide to wear light beige khakis?

Because I sure haven't.

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Tootslama t1_isyr0l5 wrote

I have IBS and have shit myself with absolutely no warning several times. The worst was when I left work in the winter time and treated myself to a hot chocolate from Costa on my way home from work. Big fucking mistake. Waddled home in tears, I think about it often and it was a good 8 years ago.

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samx3i t1_isyrd2g wrote

> Waddled home in tears

Please make this the title of your memoir.

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Ahelex t1_isypcnm wrote

And if you decide to hold up your sneeze, while being just that unlucky, you could have a DIY tracheostomy: https://arstechnica.com/science/2018/01/holding-in-your-snot-rockets-could-blast-a-hole-in-your-throat-doctors-warn/

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sdforbda t1_isyympj wrote

I have so many false sneezes I have learned to never try to hold one back, just maybe move location if I need to.

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Drow_Sucker t1_iszw1ra wrote

My doctor told me to let mine fly (properly covered) due to the sheer force. My wife says they sound like a firearm.

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sdforbda t1_isyyib9 wrote

This sounds like a scene that would happen to Alan from Two and a Half Men. Or me last week but luckily I was home alone, but in shorts, so it got on the floor.

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danteheehaw t1_it1zvec wrote

Pro tip, if you shit on the floor every day you won't feel bad about accidentally shitting on the floor every once in a while.

That's why I shit on my neighbors floor every morning after they leave for work

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_____pantsunami_____ t1_iszvvgs wrote

I like how OP deleted their account after posting this article, dude just made us all aware of cough-induced anal ruptures and dipped.

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darxide23 t1_it2qwk7 wrote

OP deleted their account after reading some of the replies here and I'm considering it, too.

These people need therapy and it shows.

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VocalPoint12 t1_isyztzt wrote

Coughing with hemorrhoids = awful

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I_think_were_out_of_ t1_it1xg7t wrote

Coughing = hemorrhoids if you’re not careful. I had to start butt-clenching when I cough (weed smoker) in my mid-thirties.

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ItsthePaperchaseGuy t1_it205ui wrote

I feel like everyone who enjoys doing dabs is just walking around with a giant swollen butthole.

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Nicktastic6 t1_isynprd wrote

Well this explains some things

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Xiaxs t1_isyshc9 wrote

Noooo I'm pretty sure that's cuz my foot slipped when I squatted on my brush trying to fit it up my ass.

But thanks for being concerned OP I appreciate it.

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needstoworkout t1_isys90a wrote

I once coughed so hard I blew a blood vessel in my eye.

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Youpunyhumans t1_iszb1f0 wrote

God I remember seeing that happen to my grandma while we were earing dinner. She coughed and then I looked at her and just about jumped outta my chair, her entire eye was blood red! It was creepy as fuck!

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needstoworkout t1_iszblj4 wrote

Yep! And then it turns yellow after a few weeks. Very gross looking.

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Salmol1na t1_isys87k wrote

It’s a feature not a bug

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SpellDostoyevsky t1_isyr8pp wrote

Now the question is, if someone drills you in the butt really hard will it cure your pneumonia?

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oced2001 t1_it0b9op wrote

I know a guy that was bending over to pick something up and sneezed. It must of pinched some nerves and he was paralyzed for a few months. He still has back pain.

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DavoTB t1_isyso7i wrote

Also sometimes occurring, petechial hemorrhaging in the eyes from intense coughing. Small blood vessels in eyes burst, and it looks very scary.

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Tzanax t1_it0jdvf wrote

This is also true for blood vessels in your eye, causing subconjectival bleed (which doesn’t really do much other than look scary as fuck), or any dilated vessels in your abdomen including your aorta if you had an aortic aneurysm. Or if you had one in your brain, it could rupture that way.

Sneezing is scary.

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WanderingPickles t1_it0l0cb wrote

Guy I served with years ago said the following while walking down the road: if you are over the age of 30 and are claiming to have never shot your pants, I’m call you out as a liar!

He was a hilarious chaplain.

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SatansMoisture t1_isypzer wrote

I hate it when I sneeze in the middle of peeing.

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DishGroundbreaking87 t1_isz2loo wrote

Or worse, I didn’t think the hospital would believed I’d herniated a disk by coughing too hard, but no, they’d seen a few times.

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dreadredheadzedsdead t1_iszi917 wrote

Doing most strenuous things will do that. They're called piles. Ask a weightlifter or athlete. Or anyone who has worked for a living frankly.

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Temporary0wl t1_iszpjuv wrote

Ah maybe this is why my ass bleeds

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kehb t1_it0erfx wrote

Bring it.

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[deleted] OP t1_it0ht1p wrote

Many years ago whilst smoking weed, in a parking lot outside a movie theater, I coughed particularly hard. Thank fuck I drove there, and it was on one of the first hits so I wasn't too high. That's when I realized just how connected those pipes are.

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Competitive_Site9272 t1_it17py1 wrote

One of my mates has an old football shoulder injury and sometimes it dislocates if he sneezes hard enough.

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poodorn t1_it3ap9b wrote

Oh my God!

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fanamana t1_it7jmqt wrote

We call that the Jackson Pollock in the Laundry business.

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The_Foxxx_King t1_itapmed wrote

I mean really it can cause almost any vessel to rupture it's just highly unlikely. I'm not a doctor but I'd guess you probably rupture a lot of smaller capillaries all the time with some coughs.

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314cheesecake t1_itc4tam wrote

this works in reverse if you are plugged up as well, save the cough or sneeze until you are in the optimum crouching position

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BackWaterBill t1_iszjln1 wrote

Ahhh yeah, pressure from this post us making my dick rupture. You know what I'm saying 😏?

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BrokenEye3 t1_it0jkwe wrote

Well, I've never done that, but I've sneezed so hard I hurt my back

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D3monVolt t1_it1o2wi wrote

What a pain in the ass

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Scottland83 t1_it1zhfq wrote

When you read a medical TIL and go “Ooooooooh, that’s what that was!”

0