Submitted by Pfeffer_Prinz t3_10lw1rz in todayilearned
Reply to comment by InsuranceToTheRescue in TIL of Complex PTSD, which arises from prolonged, inescapable trauma (like child abuse/neglect, sex trafficking, or solitary confinement). It's hard to spot & treat, and can last a lifetime. Victims have a diminished sense of self, and issues with trust, boundaries, cognition, motor skills, & more. by Pfeffer_Prinz
Great question.
It means you feel that your feelings, your actions, and your entire existence are all less important than others, and that you don't deserve love, care, praise, or an easy time. It often leads to dissociation, and can even get so bad that you think you don't exist (or shouldn't).
And it's not just a matter of opinion — many people (like myself) have a hard time even recognizing that they're feeling anything, much less identifying what that feeling is, much less communicating that feeling to others, much less taking those feelings seriously.
Bro its so difficult. I didn't experience feelings other than rage and sadness until I was about 25 years old. Now I have to figure out how to realize THAT I'm feeling something, then WHAT I'm feeling, and then HOW to express that and then finally express it. It's the fkin worst.
I regularly think that I have no idea who I am, because I don't know how I feel about anything. Feelings direct your beliefs and decisions and if you just base all of your decisions off of logic and vague goals that society says are good, then you end up not really having any firm beliefs (at least that's my experience).
100%
I hope you're able to find a steady course in regaining your sense of self. It's a really difficult road (and definitely not linear! Don't worry if you "slip back" into old habits — it's not a failure on your part, it's completely normal).
If you haven't already I recommend working with trained mental health professionals. I was able to do a lot on my own with personal research, but nowhere near what I accomplished with professionals, in a fraction of the time, with wayyy less collateral damage.
It's like if you tried to build a shed with no power tools, starting with just a tree in the ground... and you have no hands. You could probably do it eventually, but it would take forever, be way harder, and you could really hurt yourself in the process. Better to just get a professional.
Yeah I feel that. I've done a lot of work with professionals getting up to this point. Will definitely continue. Thanks for your lovely reply.
>It means you feel that your feelings, your actions, and your entire existence are all less important than others, and that you don't deserve love, care, praise, or an easy time.
Fuck me . . . *sigh*
I feel like that. I’ve given up on trying to get help because help just feels worse.
I hear that. But I can say that, without a doubt, you 100% deserve care, love, help, and ease from your pain. Every single person on the planet deserves it (even the "bad" ones).
I hope one day soon that the weight pressing down on you lifts juuuust enough for you to ask for help. But it really is the hardest part, so of course I don't blame you at all for delaying it. That's completely natural and doesn't make you deserve it any less.
In the meantime, I recommend checking out r/CPTSD. even just reading the posts on there has sometimes brought me immense relief. I hope it speaks to you to.
Much love to you, friend <3
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