"I hope you're not using the toilet, it's broken. The toilet doesn't flush."

"We landed on the moon!"

Hey Nicole, if I got the theater to myself for every showing I'd go to the theater more often.

If you want to make this closer to the real experience, make sure you include the following in a regular Friday night showing:

• People talking at full volume to each other
• teens near the front row throwing food at each other and laughing during quiet dramatic parts of the movie
• kids racing up and down the stairs or into the hallway during the showing
• People having full on telephone conversations
• $25 ticket price
• Bright mobile phone usage in front of you during the movie
• Someone on your row bouncing a leg shaking the whole row
• Someone kicking the back of your seat during the showing
• violence on you from any of the offenders if you call them out on the above behavior

The theater experience we used to love is dead.

This really hits home for me since I'm currently prepping for my colonoscopy.

$10 for popcorn, also

Also, movies seem too long for one sitting but too short for a full story, now that we've gotten used to so many high quality series out there. There are exceptions. Art house are a much better experience than the big chains.

Shit, $10 for popcorn gets you the small tub nowadays.

$20+ for a ticket, $25+ for a snack and drink, all for the privilege of possibly contracting bed bugs from some nasty previous attendee.

Yeah, I'll pass.

You wanna poop while Nicole Kidman watches?

> all for the privilege of possibly contracting bed bugs from some nasty previous attendee.

Never have I once--in all my years--considered that to be a possibility. I did not want to know this, but thank you. I can't stop scratching random itchy spots now. Be back in a minute, going to burn everything I own...

Shit like this makes me happy my city has an independent cinema and a drive-in still. That being said, when I do decide to go to Cineplex, I only go for classic films ($7) or on Tuesdays (also $7).

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The person that did that video is the hero we deserve.

There is a solution to this, you have to go to the cinema at antisocial hours, meaning, going to the first showing at noon or at midnight.

That’s great in theory but there’s a reason people don’t go to the movies at those times: we work

They should have picked an actress who can move her face muscles.

It’s why Alamo Drafthouse is the only place to see a movie. Patrons get one warning for talking or using their phone during the movie, after that they are kicked out with no refund. It’s impossible for me to go to any other theater now because Alamo is so quiet and peaceful.

Thank goodness. I was tired of seeing her plasticky face.

Beast of an edit, never did it.

Do they have people roaming around to enforce that?

If she’s interested, I’m interested.

Every table has a card to write food/drink orders on at any time during the movie. You press a button on the table, they crouch walk to you, grab the card, and crouch walk off. You can use that card to report people. I’ve been to Alamo 15-20 times, never once had an issue with a customer being noisy or on their phone.

Oh gotcha. I have a place near me called Cinebarre with that model. I’ve heard great things about Alamo Drafthouse though.

They ought to show a clip of one of Nicole’s many hot sex scenes with a “coming soon” title for the previews.