adifferentvision t1_j24nzfp wrote on December 29, 2022 at 5:11 PM

I got sober 16 years ago, here in DC, and at that time there was one "atheist" AA meeting but it didn't work for my work schedule, so I went to another random one that worked for my work schedule. (there may be more now, though) Though others who are atheist in this thread said their AA experience was okay, I found the meeting I went to overly jesus-y and couldn't go back.

I got sober with nothing but talk therapy, so I would suggest that if you don't do a formal program, you look into one-on-one therapy with a psychologist.

It took sheer brute force of will to push through those early months, but it's so worth it. For me the biggest benefit of doing it without AA is that I don't have to make/believe myself to be "powerless over alcohol". I wasn't then and I'm not now, and that's a direct result of doing it outside that system. And as a result, I can be around people drinking with no problem, still have a fairly normal social life, which is amazing.

thebestbytina OP t1_j25rnza wrote on December 29, 2022 at 9:27 PM

I just don’t want my life defined as an alcoholic. I drink too much out of a traumatic experience 5 years ago and loneliness. I just need to accept it though.

adifferentvision t1_j25yktz wrote on December 29, 2022 at 10:14 PM

I think you don't have to have your life defined as an alcoholic. I think you have to recognize that right now it's not possible for you to drink in a way that's not problematic if you are to the point where you're feeling like you need to quit.

And I think it's absolutely reasonable to hope that at some point down the line when you've dealt with your trauma that you may be able to have a totally normal relationship with alcohol.

I think that's a benefit of doing it outside of the 12 step system, you get to define it. In the same way that you define your relationship to alcohol. Part of the reason why I did mine outside of the system was that I didn't want to have a relationship with alcohol that placed it as a danger in my life for the rest of my life. I didn't believe that I was powerless, and in fact when I quit drinking I kept alcohol in my house from that day forward. Even during the darkest hardest part of quitting I did not drink even though the alcohol was right there. That is not powerless. And I've been more than 16 years without having a relapse. I changed the way I related to alcohol. And it's not a danger for me to be around it or for me to be around people that are drinking... Because literally minute by minute, day by day, in those early days anytime the urge came up, I made a conscious decision to not drink. And I've never said to myself or anybody else that this is forever. Just that in this moment I am not going to drink.

More than 16 years later I still am not saying that I'm never going to drink again. But I don't drink right now. And it was a great decision for me. Lots and lots of really wonderful stuff happened once I got that in order.

For me, that was kind of the point of the whole thing, to prove that even though I was weak and I had an issue at that moment, I was in charge of whether I drank or not.

You know you best, and you know what you're capable of, and you know what your trauma is, so you know where the work is. So just do the work, and do it on your own terms. Define your sobriety and whatever way you want. And as you're going through this remember that this is about you taking the best care of yourself that you can.