Proud to say that I chased down a porch pirate today

Submitted by jonwilliamsl t3_zfe780 in washingtondc

I was in a Zoom meeting when the I heard the knock at the front door, so I didn't get the package immediately, then forgot about it until I heard a noise on the front stoop. Opened my door and started running (barefoot) and yelling at the guy--they were in a hoodie, with a stroller. Halfway down the block they threw the box out of the stroller and kept running.

Man, fuck those guys. It wasn't anything expensive--just an Amazon delivery for my housemate--but man I cannot stand the frustration of getting a package stolen.

693

Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

DJNickiBlake t1_izbc1g2 wrote

Fighting the battle, be careful out there!

197

ibeecrazy t1_izbf4yq wrote

We had our first visitor in years while we were away and thankfully he didn't want Dog Meds and Baby toys. Stay safe! Afternoon grabs are next level desperation.

16

Regular_Draft_6630 t1_izbf6p6 wrote

Wish you had caught them lol probably would’ve shit their pants

8

Kitchen_Software t1_izbhpea wrote

A person in our neighborhood recently posted a doorbell video of someone rifling through their mail, presumably looking/feeling for holiday cards that might contain cash or equivalent.

This shit knows no bounds.

248

MidnightSlinks t1_izbjyat wrote

Replying to jonwilliamsl (#880,522)

I chased down pre-teens one time for knocking garbage cans over in our alley. I was 12 inches shorter and 135 pounds lighter than you at the time, so chases can be had by people of many sizes!

16

AvatarTHW t1_izbknkv wrote

Good for you man, but be careful. I had my ties that I had bought for my engagement photos stolen last week. I was so furious. I've resorted to sending packages to my office.

84

Zoroasker t1_izbohwq wrote

Definitely be careful. I think a lot of criminals are by nature cowardly, and that certainly would seem to hold true for porch pirates - problem there is some of them when confronted might be so callous and stupid they’d just as soon shoot you as run from you.

Amazon has been good with making me whole even when it’s really a courtesy thing. Last week I had an early flight and needed an infant car seat bag urgently. Delivery was at 5:59:40 with no knock (I know as much as I want knocks some people are just as militant about them NOT knocking so it’s lose-lose for them) and my camera shows at 6:01:50 it was stolen. App hadn’t even updated yet. Fortunately I was able to get it replaced with overnight shipping but that’s exhibit A for why other than Amazon everything now goes to a PO Box.

48

callouscomic t1_izbq3ic wrote

So anyways they could pull a gun on you or otherwise react badly and attack you. Just like the metro posts where people learn not to intervene. Your package ain't worth it.

11

Deanocracy t1_izbqqon wrote

Replying to ibeecrazy (#880,605)

Afternoon grabs are next level desperation.

Not sure about this… they are the norm.

We dont need to try to invent a tragic backstory that motivates every example of anti-social behavior

26

Equal_Memory_661 t1_izbqt8p wrote

Was it Nicolas Cage? This sounds like a scene out of Raising Arizona.

2

css01 t1_izbs3es wrote

I don't like that there's a cute name for people who steal packages.

They should be called THIEVES!

28

JustAcivilian24 t1_izbw47c wrote

Ha! Glad you’re safe! And fuck those people.

19

punkwalrus t1_izc2n68 wrote

Replying to AvatarTHW (#880,797)

A friend of mine lives in Baltimore, and this is what he does: too many things stolen from his porch, including porch furniture, potted plants, and even his trash cans.

42

innovationcynic t1_izc7zv8 wrote

Makes one almost wish for a law and order mayor and stand your ground laws in DC….

4

Relative-Kale-5291 t1_izc9oas wrote

Imagine a society (10 years ago) when that would have seemed life threatening for your child

−1

dmvdancer t1_izckrer wrote

Replying to heelstoo (#882,345)

Unfortunately, they take a damn long time. I've been reporting a credit card mail theft scheme to USPS investigators for over a year and a half and they still haven't taken any action. It's upwards of $10,000+ in fraud from over a dozen victims; and a similar case in New York was just prosecuted, but no action taken in DC yet.

39

PanAmargo t1_izclqce wrote

This sub (or the current state of the city) is depressing: don’t confront a porch or they’ll kill you.

17

capsfanforever t1_izcqlem wrote

Replying to ponderingaresponse (#882,732)

It’s deductive reasoning to suppose that someone wishing for a law deeming it allowable to defend your home with a gun, would be itching to utilize said law. Especially in the context of their comment. I don’t see this as a simplification, but a reasonable inference

Edit: deeming, not seeming

12

ammemp t1_izcqxks wrote

You’re my hero.

7

LeonBlacksruckus t1_izctxc1 wrote

Not worth it. It’s unfortunate but last thing you would want is to get injured or worse chasing someone that knows where you live down.

Use an Amazon locker if it’s really an issue.

4

heelstoo t1_izcwuyx wrote

Replying to dmvdancer (#882,466)

I’ve actually emailed several of the folks in charge at the USPS in DC, and received responses. If you’re interested, send me a PM and I’ll dig around for those email addresses.

12

Separate-Landscape48 t1_izd0a1o wrote

Try going shopping in person and spending your money in the community instead of being another bezos slave

−20

DC_Sun t1_izd2ljq wrote

Be careful when taking those actions fam. I've been practicing martial art for almost 30 years and I've seen so many dudes get sued and/or arrested and worse. Learn how to let shit slide...it's not worth it. Petty criminals usually earn their fate. Rich criminals? Eh...not so much.

1

paquitoGonzalez97 t1_izd2u3p wrote

> the guy

> they

Which one is it? I’m confused.

−11

Raccoon_2020 t1_izdbyx7 wrote

My dad ordered a new case for his iPhone 7 and the Amazon package was stolen (confirmed by camera, but impossible to see the face). Pretty sure that phone case will be very useful for them.

3

TMacOnTheTrack t1_izdko61 wrote

What? You could’ve gotten yourself killed for some $9.99 item that isn’t even yours???? Things can be replaced. People can’t.

Glad you’re okay. Hope your poor confused coworkers you abandoned on the zoom call weren’t too confused.

But ummm… don’t risk your life for cheap Amazon products that aren’t even yours.

−2

blues_and_ribs t1_izdnsxo wrote

Replying to heelstoo (#882,345)

The USPIS part of the postal museum is fascinating.

I mainly walked out of there thinking that it’s a shame that there’s no dedicated CSI-style USPIS show where they get to say cool stuff like, “Looks like justice [puts on sunglasses] . . .has been delivered.”

19

mdtransplant21 t1_izdv3c6 wrote

Replying to heelstoo (#882,345)

They have their own narcotics division. I wonder what kind of relationship they have with the DEA. Friendly rivalry, brothers-in-arms? Or are the DEA guys the high school jocks giving wedgies to the USPSIS nerds?

4

SooMachBeautiful t1_izdvdjl wrote

My boyfriend confronted a guy breaking into our neighbors car last week and the guy pulled out a knife on him. Thankfully he is ok. Please be careful.

5

androbot t1_izdyd1h wrote

Thieves are the worst. They don't even have the courage to face you down and take your stuff. Nor do they give a shit about you or the impact they have on your well being or situation when they steal from you.

I grew up very poor and was raised to believe that someone who steals from another has a defect in character. It has probably distorted my perspective, because I don't have any respect, sympathy, or mercy for people who steal, their "need" notwithstanding. And I have never really understood why society treats theft so lightly.

2

androbot t1_izdyjey wrote

Replying to CriticalStrawberry (#881,206)

People who will pull a gun from you will take things from you at gunpoint. They won't skulk around stealing things off your porch. Those people are cowards who will run at the first sign of trouble. Which is what they should get.

2

innovationcynic t1_izdypd7 wrote

Replying to capsfanforever (#882,768)

That’s an assumption on your part.

I was responding to the comments people made about not chasing to get your package back because the thief might shoot YOU over a petty item.

They would be less brazen if they were worried the homeowner could defend themself.

But go on making your assumptions. Seems to serve you well in life lol

−3

ponderingaresponse t1_ize2mo5 wrote

Replying to capsfanforever (#882,768)

You aren't wrong that the itch to have/use a gun will increase gun violence.

At the same time, there is an immutable primitive need to defend one's nest against having it invaded and/or compromised. Where to draw the line on that defense? How does one know the intent of a trespasser? What forms of defense are allowable? How to sort all this out in a few seconds of fight/flight intensity? What weapons are acceptable?

5

Smitty2k1 t1_ize5khs wrote

We bit the bullet and got a package drop box for our porch after having several packages stollen the first few months after moving into our new place. Well worth the $200

3

terpdx t1_ize8z30 wrote

Replying to CaptConstantine (#883,262)

Friend of mine ended up moving to Locust Point. Said to me, "It's safe because the <slur redacted> don't go there since there's only one way out." Gotta love Baltimore.

−1

noirthesable t1_izedmb6 wrote

Replying to AvatarTHW (#880,797)

I've honestly been taking advantage of Amazon lockers where possible. For non-Amazon stuff, I've been splitting a UPS Store mailbox with some trusted friends (you can add 'authorized individuals' for UPS mailboxes).

2

highvolt4g3 t1_izedzcg wrote

Replying to androbot (#884,528)

Would you be willing to bet your life on that? It's not just a gun, a knife is enough to kill you just as much. Just because someone carries a weapon doesn't mean they want to use it, but if they are being chased by a big dude they might do it.

I agree with not chasing, it's not worth the risk. Some kids stole our whole bowl of Halloween candy we had out front one year and my wife chased them because she wanted the bowl back. She got the bowl, but then the kids came back at night and threw rocks at our windows. It wasn't worth it.

7

Turbo2x t1_izep63s wrote

Nextdoor post

−1

UnnecessaryBiscotti t1_izep9hp wrote

Replying to capsfanforever (#882,768)

To be fair, speaking as a woman, I do not own a gun and would never want to use one, but I can understand feeling unsafe and physically unmatched in one’s home when dealing with criminals. That’s even before they pull a gun on you. I think it’s clearly a bandaid solution if anything, but I don’t think all people who’d like to be able to defend themselves from harm are overly violent men trying to play Wild West. This country (and many other but particularly the US) is very scary for women. I can empathize with wanting something to equalize physical differences that could result in their death.

5

capsfanforever t1_izf273c wrote

Replying to innovationcynic (#884,537)

It’s not an assumption, chasing someone and getting shot would have nothing to do with a stand your ground law. There’s a difference between assumption and supposition, the latter is evidence based.

Again, you suggest that under the threat of being shot over a theft, folks would be less likely to commit one. So my supposition seems a likely one, that you see gun violence as a solution to porch piracy.

Thanks for your time.

1

capsfanforever t1_izf2f3h wrote

Replying to innovationcynic (#884,537)

It’s not an assumption, chasing someone and getting shot would have nothing to do with a stand your ground law. There’s a difference between assumption and supposition, the latter is evidence based.

Again, you suggest that under the threat of being shot over a theft, folks would be less likely to commit one. So my supposition seems a likely one, that you see gun violence as a solution to porch piracy.

Thanks for your time.

0

UnnecessaryBiscotti t1_izf4t8s wrote

Replying to capsfanforever (#886,862)

No I agree 100% that no one should be pulling a gun on porch pirates. In nearly 10/10 scenarios it is illegal, unethical, and dangerous. No one’s life is worth an Amazon package. I just meant in general that I don’t believe everyone in favor of stand your ground/castle doctrine type legislation is itching to use a firearm. There is definitely a demographic that is, but I think many people just reach for it as an equalizing solution to a problem we can’t seem to solve (murder/home invasions/etc).

0

capsfanforever t1_izf55br wrote

Replying to UnnecessaryBiscotti (#886,961)

Ah, understood. Personally, I’m against stand your ground laws in general, as I fear it gives a blanket immunity to those who would otherwise be convicted justly, but your point is taken. Thanks for your input, I always appreciate discussion.

1

androbot t1_izfortf wrote

Replying to highvolt4g3 (#885,409)

I absolutely would and have aggressively confronted would-be thieves before. This is a person who has shown a willingness to invade my personal space to deprive me of my property. Who knows what else they are capable, or what will make them stop treating me and my loved ones as prey? I grew up with this dynamic in a very bad area, and there was only rational response - don't be an attractive target.

The fact that they're not actually entering my home makes the decision to confront a lot easier, to be honest. A home invader understands the potential for violence and will come armed. A porch pirate probably thinks they will get away clean.

1

blockerguy t1_izgl123 wrote

Good job. Confrontation is definitely not for everyone, but as a fellow confrontation-er—I once tracked down, confronted, and took back my bike from the thieves who stole it—I salute you.

2