1337ingDisorder

1337ingDisorder t1_iwzvoef wrote

The Olympics already has an event called "Wrestling" so this would have to be added with a more specific name, like "Performative Wrestling"

I think they should do it, but also add Performative versions of all the other events they already have.

Performative Javelin, for example, and Performative Hockey could be especially entertaining.

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1337ingDisorder t1_iwhfng6 wrote

[int. Paddy's — Mac is showing Dennis a video on his phone]

DENNIS
(growing increasingly frustrated)
I can't believe all these people are going crazy over a guy eating some rotisserie chicken.

MAC
Right? He's not even doing anything interesting while eating it. I'd understand if he was eating forty chickens on a unicycle or something, but he's just...

DENNIS
...sitting there.

[Wide shot. Door flies open, Charlie enters.]

CHARLIE
(excitedly)
You guys have to come and see, you'll never believe what's going on down at the pier!

DENNIS and MAC
Yeah we know, some guy's eating chicken. So what.

CHARLIE
(out of breath)
So there's like 200 people there watching and a zillion more streaming it on the internet! If we do this at Paddy's it could bring in like a million customers!

DENNIS
(skeptical)
Nehhh I don't think people would care now that it's already done. Although I guess people shouldn't really have cared about it the first time either...

CHARLIE
We could beat his record — I bet Mac could eat fifty chickens!

MAC
(serious as cancer)
I could eat a hundred chickens.

DENNIS
Hmm, no I don't think more chickens is the answer. But you might be onto something here, Charlie. What we need is something even more extreme to the general public, something even more shocking...

[They ponder.]

CHARLIE
What about... Dee's cat?

DENNIS
(disgusted)
What that's disgusting, Charlie! I'm not going to eat Dee's cat.

[Smash-cut to title card: "Dennis eats Dee's cat"]

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