BigMikeSus
BigMikeSus t1_j1jgedc wrote
Reply to comment by askingrytquestions in TIFU in giving a presentation today which was a part of my Ph.D. evaluation. by askingrytquestions
So… three, right?
BigMikeSus t1_iubzavz wrote
Hi there! I usually don’t comment on things like this… or really anything ever. But I’m a person with Borderline personality, and both my partner and I are autistic.
This really is something your partner needs to take some of the accountability for. Like someone said above, it’s good to be gentle with triggers, but people do need to be aware of their own and work with the people they care about in order to prevent those triggers from causing unnecessary strife.
You said the important part, which is the “I still prefer you.” His discomfort is fair, but him getting upset with you is truly a Him problem. One of the issues with BPD (borderline) is that our brains tend to subconsciously make everything other people’s problem, even when we have a definite part in it. Without him doing the work this will become a pattern, where he gets upset when you didn’t do anything actually wrong, just something he didn’t like. And then you apologize but that’s not actually addressing the problem because the problem is internal.
I’ve also been working on my BPD for 5+ years and still find myself falling into these patterns with my partner of 6 years. AND we have fully developed frontal lobes (M26 & M27) and he has a lot of patience for my irrationality.
Your partner is entitled to his discomfort, but at some point he does have to own it as his.
I’m sorry you’re both dealing with this, but you didn’t fuck up. And honestly, neither did he. Brains are just tricky.
BigMikeSus t1_j9v0ov7 wrote
Reply to TIFU by recommending a friend seek therapy by Rekno2005
You offered solid advice, but you also F’d up.
The FU was in the “So I told her some nasty things I’d heard about her boyfriend and doubled down on the recommendation to seek therapy” bit. You’ve now cheapened the therapy rec by tying it to some petty gossip. (It might not be petty gossip, and sounds like it wasn’t, but if she’s not ready to hear it then that’s how her filter/rose-colored glasses will perceive it)
It’s a very minor FU, and I don’t think it changes anything, ultimately. But it does mask the very true and enduring need for therapeutic help with your momentary frustration and ire.