"Well it's funny because my mate Paul see, he got himself locked in a library one night while on a bender. Try as he might he couldn't get out and had nought but the books to keep him company till someone finally let him out in the morning. When he got back he said he never wanted to see another book again."

Interviewee blinks. "I see."

"Do you think it could be something like that?"

'Whut do ye want, ya lil' weasel?'

I want to give you head pats

'Get the fook outta here wit' that nonsense. I don't need yer head pats, ya muppet. I'm the king of the octagon, not some dog needing petting.'

I'm gunna pat ya

'Shut yer fookin' mouth, kid. I'll knock you out inside one round. Don't go looking for trouble, because you'll find it.'

Pat pat

'I swear to Jaysus, I'll knock the head off ya if ya touch me. Keep yer hands to yerself, ya little rat.'

Lol he doesn't like getting head pats

Welp, now you have to throw the whole roommate out and start over