I read the whole thing and I'm still confused.

You are probably like me and just have a higher cervix than most people. I had to get the (standard, not collapsible) Lily cup as it is the longest one on the market. Every other cup I've tried I can barely reach when it's time to empty it. Once I found the right cup for me, though, I can honestly say I do not miss tampons in the slightest.

This is both hilarious and painful. Well done!