I hope you are a teenager. If so, this is the part in your life where you learn to not be a controlling jerk in relationships. Respect your partner. Trust your partner. Encourage your partner to have meaningful friendships that are entirely separate from you.

Not only are you being a controlling boyfriend here, but you seem to be expressing jealousy because she's been able to have a good time without you while you've instead opted to just be bored without her.

There's no way she didn't notice this. In uni, I had the same set of dishes as a guy across the hall. One day, I noticed four of everything when I only had two. Turned out my roommates were taking our neighbour's dishes because they thought he stole them from me.

This lady for sure knows how many she bought.

Great one. You are showing a lack of understanding when it comes to multiple things.

Firstly, it isn't 20-30 minutes per day. It is 20-30 minutes per pumping session. That is 8-10 times per day. And, again, I did not say it is impossible to do this. I said it was incredibly inconvenient to do this. Talking about your colleagues is not going to do much here because you've already proven yourself to know very little about most anything surrounding this. Clearly, you are a man. There is definitely no way that you are paying this much attention to what your female colleagues are doing with their breasts during the work day because, if you were, you'd look like a giant pervert.

And now you're going to try to claim that I haven't been exposed to other cultures? That definitely is going to give your baseless comments merit. Admittedly, I have not been to China. I've been to India. I've been to Iceland. I've been to the UK. I've been to Pakistan. How many more countries do you want me to list? Because I spent most of my 20s working for an International humanitarian organization and dealt with maternal, newborn and child health.. so I can go for a while here and I can list a whole lot of stuff. I'd like you to continue to tell me how hard men have it when it comes to childcare when there are a significant number of countries that don't even provide women with enough care to give them good odds during childbirth.

They actually literally said fathers get nothing in their original comment.

"Or because women get maternal leave, and fathers get nothing"

Do you know how breasts work? Because they still require pumping.. so there is time dedicated to that if a woman is going keep lactating, meaning time during the day to pump (20-30 minutes to do it properly), a thermal bag to store breastmilk.. storage at home for breastmilk. You really do not seem to know much about this.. especially based on your comment again about powder. Formula is really expensive. While, yes, people absolutely use it, it adds significant costs if you are dependent entirely on formula.

There are also way more than two countries where modesty laws exist and even more countries where equality is a massive issue.

Your statement was fathers get nothing. I said this is not true in many countries. I provided examples of multiple countries where parental leave, inclusive of leave for fathers, is provided. I supported my argument, which showed your argument (that fathers receive nothing) is inaccurate when it comes to multiple countries and is continuing to improve.

Great job.

Also, maternity leave may not have to do with recovery time, but it sure as hell has a lot to do with practicality. Men don’t lactate. Formula is expensive. Uptake on parental leave by men is still slow (which is what that japanese article was about.. it wasn’t new policy; it was about promoting existing policy so more men use it by requiring companies to make sure they reiterate it to men). There are so many countries where women aren’t even seen as people still.. where they aren’t able to drive, or their wardrobes are dictated, or they can’t get a quality education… and you’re using those countries, the ones that are forcing women into a role that solely exists to procreate, as examples of how men are hard done by because they don’t get equal leave after a woman gives birth.

We do need to promote equality for parental leave because it equally impacts women who would prefer to return to work… but we need to promote equality in general and not penalizing for taking leave. Because, guess what, it is still damaging to a woman’s career if she is off for a year raising kids.

Yes. Reference China and India…. Two countries known for their high quality labour laws and excellent working conditions. That will definitely prove your point.

https://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2022/04/04/national/social-issues/child-care-leave-law-amendment/

So you talked to HR and got all of the nuances? Or you just made assumptions based on what you saw? Because I seriously doubt you spent a lot of time with new parents discussing how they planned to allocate their leave. Because law grants either parent in Japan leave. Way to not know what you’re talking about.

You know that there are also countries that don’t even give any time off, right? And that in countries where there aren’t specific guidelines, it is up to employers to determine policies. Was I supposed to go over labour laws for all 195 countries in the world? If I don’t, are you just going to continue to try to claim I have no argument?

Canada. Either parent is able to take the leave. Mom or dad. It doesn’t matter which parent takes it; they can even split it. All that matters is they cannot go beyond the allotted amount of time.

You have never heard of Canada?

This is also the same in the UK. Finland as well. Lithuania. Japan. Sweden. Estonia. Iceland. Slovenia. Norway….

Editing to add: also, it makes sense, regardless, that the person giving birth is the one to get time off no matter what because a baby only exits the body through two ways… both of which require recovery time. Even for easy births, there’s still soreness and blood for days. One of my friends tore so badly that she wasn’t even able to walk for a week and a half, and it took her nearly two months to return to a pace that was more than a shuffle.

This isn't true in many countries at this time.

Men can get parental leave a lot of places, and, usually, the length of time that can be taken off for a new child (whether that child was birthed or adopted) can be split between either parent.

Most jobs aren't what you know, they're who you know. That's how you get a leg in the door. Even when you're establishing a career and places tell you that they're not hiring. Ask for an informational interview with a manager or department head for the area you'd like to work in. Ask them questions like "what do you look for in candidates?" "What is the most challenging aspect of working in this field?" "What are key traits that help you excel in this role?" They may not be hiring right then, but it opens up the door to make a connection, it show's you're a go-getter and it will likely cause them to remember you down the road whenever they are looking for someone.

Dude.. you're not even 18. I promise you that there are so many more opportunities in life than this. Teenage hormones make everything seem incredibly intense because brains are all over the place at that age. It may feel serious right now. It may feel like this is a huge missed opportunity. I can tell you with certainty that it will be a blip in the radar later on.

The future is scary, but it is also exciting. You have so many opportunities available to you. There are so many doors you can open. So many places you can see. So many things you can do, and there are definitely so many people you will meet. However large your high school is, there are going to be significantly more people you encounter if you go to post-secondary. Even if you don't go to post-secondary, take time right now and consider working abroad. At your age, pretty much every single other country will let you get a VISA to work there for several years as part of the youth programs.

It may seem like this is the only girl you've ever clicked with and that you will never click the same way with anyone else again... until you do click that exact way with someone else again. It is probably going to happen to you many times throughout your life. Each time will feel like it is the end all and be all... but then the next time will just as intense when it happens again.

You're totally normal for feeling this way, but as an adult whose gone through the teenage angst, trust that you've got so much more ahead of you and that, while the worry may be pretty consuming, if you dwell on it you're going to miss out on all the great stuff.

Not even old bedroom.. Just the room they stayed in whenever they stayed with their grandparents. It is entirely possible that many other people also stayed in that room with relative frequency.

Maybe that also used to be her aunt's room, and her aunt didn't feel the need to knock either. Presumably, her aunt once lived there. My niece sleeps in my old bedroom when she stays at my parents' house. The door is routinely kept closed. I wouldn't think to knock before entering.

The reality is that a family get-together is not the place to bang your partner... especially not when there isn't even a lock on the door, and then amplified even more when you're intentionally making sure that no one knows you're actually together.