RecklessSpeculation
RecklessSpeculation t1_j8yzsj6 wrote
Reply to comment by Blu_Spirit in [OT] Poetry Corner: Fire! by OldBayJ
You do a lot with little here, and I appreciate that. The depictions of winter and spring convey their seasons effortlessly.
I would offer that "Autumn rain storms flood" is somewhat clunky in that it has two interpretations for a reader: "Autumn rain storms flood" with rainstorms as the subject and flood as the verb or "Autumn rain storms flood" with rain as the subject and storms as the verb and then flood just kinda lying there at the end.
RecklessSpeculation t1_j8yytjj wrote
Reply to comment by eigen-dog in [OT] Poetry Corner: Fire! by OldBayJ
Good Stygian theme throughout, first two stanzas really give a sense of sulfur and decay. Sets up nicely for the introduction of the Styx. Love "Old Charon's seat" as almost punctuation.
Only edit I would offer would be consider the repeat of "blackened" in the first two lines. blackened cracks doesn't add much to blackened rock and vice versa.
RecklessSpeculation t1_j8yxzp6 wrote
Reply to [OT] Poetry Corner: Fire! by OldBayJ
To the Wildfire.
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Alight! Fledgling gasp of enlightened breath!
Stretch to distant Fornax: your Father's beating heart
Kindle life in feathered gods, in Pliny's reborn spark
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Cradle in your ashen wings the clutch of summer
Crash uncaught on blackjack pine, while shortstraws fall and rise
Split the hermetic seals of chaparral souls, once open free to thrive
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So quickened, they become a verdant legacy of ash
A memory of Dante, transfigured into Blake
The Lamb unburnt by Tyger's bite, nourished by spring rain
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In darkened night, and coldest ground, you spark against the earth
Aquilla's children swoop and dive, to seek out perch and prey
Snap!
Crack!
Spark, again! No better midwife than a flame.
RecklessSpeculation t1_j9msdi2 wrote
Reply to comment by Lost_Carcosan in [OT] Poetry Corner: Fire! by OldBayJ
I tried relying pretty heavily on allusion and implication, hard to thread the line.
And I agree, chaparral is very fun.