Hello, all my treatments cost the german people ~165.000€ I myself payed ~ 300 Euros for staying and eating at the hospital (the cap is 300, otherwise I would have paid double?) I payed maybe 300 Euros for meds, but the most probably for cannabis ( 1000?) as government will take those costs very reluctant.

Befor I got cancer I had a full time job. In germany, if you get sick for less than 6 month you get your full pay. After these 6 month you recive 80% of your income for a duration of up to two years. After that you will get only some basics I guess? I did not have to dealt with that.

But I can tell you, that I'm very happy to be born in Germany at this time and age. I did not once think about money through all this time.

I organized both options - the people from the hospital know I want optimal symthom conrolled so if it comes sudden (eg drowning on my own blood) Ill get what I need so I don't realize it.

I joined 'Sterbehilfe' which is a society you everyone can join for money. If I decide existence is to much pain now, they basically prepare a self inflicted suicide for you. You still have to press the 'button' by yourself thought.

I would lie, if i say i have not thought about it - but it sounds very exhausting - especially now that i got benzos and morphine?

I made peace - Of course i'm thinking about it - but not much. I can just not now (yet). So this would just be wasted cognitive energy for me? At least that is how i feel about it.

I don't really think there is life after dead? BUT i would love to to have some kind of karma thingy so, people who are not good to other people ON PURPOSE have to explain themself on SOME level :D

I also took it for granted :) Thats how our brains work. If you can take a moment now - and appreciate it more? That would be a win in your book :)

Palliative care - I'm not afraid at the moment - i have no power here anymore. I have good care everyone tries to help me to have a smooth passing - no more i could ask for

Wouln't those loans not just straight go over to my family? With cancer - in my stage, there is no enjoying of sex possible... But i got me a GOOD share of that beforehand :P always a risk if you together with the most beautiful woman on earth :)

• Getting together with my wife
• Finished my Bachelors Degree in Computer Sience

:)

Hello if you ave inside i love take it - i have benzos - the feel is ok, but i'm more of a weed smoker so maybe my dosage is to low? - i take 2mg Tavor in the morning and two in the evening - i would nothing that i feel describe as a buzz.

Two days ago, i took 1.3 mg of hydromorphon acut - i did feel nothing, did not even sleep. It was 3 in the morning. this night i took two of the hydromorphone tablets - i was able to sleep and felt 'good'? but i had no buzz?

I was very atheltic/muscular 1 year ago - and i now weigh ~110 kg and am 185 cm big - if you can give me info i would appreciate it. You can also send me a pm if you like :)

Thank you :)
I have accepted - and was i wrote somewhere else - we all are born, we all die - this is literally the only constant in life :) All People before me had to die, so i think it has to be ok :)

No, not yet. And i got morphine so i should be bearable if it really comes to it :)

Thanks :) that one was really cool :)

I should have CAR-T Cell treatment this monday 30.1
Everything was prepared for me. The only reason i was not able to start on monday where findings of brain tumors - you cannot have CAR-T cell mRNA therapy with brain tumors - the cant remove them as fast as my other metastases will kill me. So basically it comes down to a timing problem.

Who in his RIGHT f*** mind would ever be Team Jacob?
I now Edward is not perfekt - all this "i have to protected her from ME" nonsense brings my blood to a boild. First of all thats the woman that you love and she loves you THE AUDACITY to decide over her head. I can't even. But he loves her with all of his hearth - i can respect that.

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Maybe someone can help me here i cannot by the love of GOD find a good quality in Jacob? Even though i don't like the 'imprint onto Renesmee' story arch, because it feels like lazy writing to me? BUT AT LAST I DID NOT HAVE TO THINK ANYMORE ABOUT JACOB AND BELLA CAN BE HAPPY WITH EDWARD

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Well now i have to some some pot - you made me upset :P

You mean my life overall?

Best memory: Hitting all of my goals:

• Getting MY person i love her so much
• Studying computer since and graduating with a score of 1.9
• Working as software engineer and making a name of myself
• Overcoming my Body issues and being ripped and CAPABLE ( Even tough i destroyed my skin by being way to overweight)

Least proud:

• Letting myself getting very overweight AND BEING OK WITH IT FOR A FEW YEARS
• Not having the chances i could have had because i was to self conscious and thinking i'm not smart enough - never let anyone tell you you can't do something. Even good friends told me 'you really should think about trying university... its hard!'
  I'm so glad i tired. I rather fail then don't try

I asked the same question to my doctor - there is no definitive answer that can be given.
If the cancer would have reoccurred on the same testicle? i would also think about the possibly. But the cancer occurred, after 2 years, in my stomach next do a lymph node. So my guess is good as yours, or any of the other doctors.

No, because they can't - Its very hard to predict how someone will die - intial guesses where two month - of which one of, i will feel 'ok'. The biggest problem right know is my lung. I bleed quite a lot. But there are many people here whose only job it is to make my dying as smooth as possible.

Today i joined something that is called sterbehilfe: https://www.sterbehilfe.de/ . you pay money and when you decide for yourself, now every day is just torture - they prepare for you to basically put yourself into a position where you can end your life with their assistance - but you by yourself have to push the button? At least that how we interpreted it.

I live in Regensburg - Germany, which incidentally is known for a huge and very good University Hospital - lots of young and eager doctors - i could not have been in better care!

Yes i had a seminoma - but it turned out to be a mixed seminoma - some cells did not respond to platin (which should theoretically hinder my cancer cells from multiplying and thus dying faster then they can reproduce again).
I'm not a doctor but as far as i know a pure seminoma has over >90% success chance with the standard PEB therapy!

No i haven't and now i don't have the time :) At the moment i feel i cope ok - but a persons psyche is very fragile - who knows how i will be feeling if the end comes. We will see :)

I try repost here :

https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/10rts0o/im_m_31_years_old_from_germany_and_am_dying_of/

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if it is removed there as well, well at last i got to talk to here for a little bit :) it was fun while it lasted! Have a good life Folks! Be nice to each other :)

Hey :) I just never quite did grasph the concept of being angry at 'life'. Live wont care? so why whould i not take what i have and make the best out of it. I left this out of my original story, because it has nothing to do with cancer. But at four years old my cousin (by accident) smashed a hammer into my left eye (it should even be visible in proof picture under my post) It basically blinded me on that eye (i see like 7% with that eye). I had 6 surgeries and multiple other treatments. I was not allowed to do sports because it could destroy my eye. So i went couch potato and weight > 160 kg at 24 years old. NOT ONCE in that time i was angry at him or the situation. What would rage change?

Was i sad? Yes of course!, Was i angry? No.

Eine angenehme Zeit - und einen angenehmen Tod :) Hört sich jetzt evtl hart an, du und ich haben sicher mindestes zwei Sachen gemeinsam - wir sind geboren. Wir (auch du) wirst sterben. Die zwei Sachen sind sicher :)

Ich sehe nicht, warum ich mir Gedanken machen sollte? Was ändert es? Jeder kann Krebs kriegen. Hodentumor ist, glaub ich ,sogar der 'häufigste' unter Männern? Wenn es Umweltgifte sind - wären es dann nicht auf einmal viel viel viel mehr Fälle, die jetzt auftreten würden?

Fakt ist, ich sterbe - Fakt ist Krebs ist ein Arsch - Ich konnte nicht mehr tun. Darauf bin ich stolz :) Ich hab alles versucht :) Auf ein paar letzte schöne Wochen :)

My brain does not have to cope anymore - my dead is 100%. There is nothing that can be done anymore. My life was good - i feel at peach - and i get to try the good drugs now - without having to be afraid of addicted :D

:) I'm getting not tired to explain this to people i hope this makes sense.

• With cancer you CANNOT fight - you endure medical threadments that destroy you. But you hope it destroys the cancer faster than you. I know people mean well when they say 'keep' fighting. But the semantics here CAN be interpreted as 'You just have to do more! Fight harder' This is just not true and not fair to people who endure such treatments.

I'm not one for miracles i'm realist. If i get healed then there is a explanation why and how it worked.

Life is not fair or unfair - life happens.