Do you guys follow anything besides my movie reviews? I would hate to deprive you of something you enjoy so much.

Yeah, he's nuts.

Avatar: it's not you, it's me

Around hour 1, when we finally made it to the beach, I realized something. This was going to be a long ass movie.

Let me break down a scene for you.

The villain is supposed to be interesting right? A combination of both his past self, and a new reborn person. So when he finds his dead body, is he alone, or is he paling around with his buddies?

Do we see his face on full frame. Do we see his reaction, besides what a rushed comic panel would show?

No, we don't. We are starved of character development.

And you deserved more than a story about family sticking together. You deserved something that made you curious about who these people are. You just spent 3 hours with strangers. You know everything about what they did, but nothing about why they did it.

And when they don't let me meet the characters, I don't care when they threaten their lives. This isn't sports. I don't have a team to cheer for.

And the pacing. It marched, trudged along. The actions scenes were great, but I swear it's like two kids playing a video game. One of them likes the peaceful parts and only plays those. The other one only plays the boss fights. And the kid who plays the peaceful parts is bad at it.

You need to use silence.

And space.

To control the sense of time. It makes it feel less like you're flipping through memes on your phone.

Oh man, I hate when I'm incoherent. Maybe it'll be clearer tomorrow.

Of course you can't ding it too hard. The radio drama died and now it's ghost haunts poorly written movies in the form of narration. Why get radio for free when you can pay for it at the movies?

But that's the question anyone who values their time would ask at hour 1: why didn't you just tell me that the sky people had chased you out? Show wazzer face crying. Done.

Why am I scared of, or invested in the villain? I don't know. I know of him. I know what he's done. But I don't see him as a person. He's like a robot. He fills the space that's left for him after the heros done posing.

Thanks bro, may you be surrounded by others who support you just as well.

-edit: you guys have been a fantastic mob. I couldn't have asked for a more surely sack of anti intellectualism dogpiled with angst and ignorance. You keep watching but not understanding film, and I'll keep on giggling at the wrong parts. Keep the sudsy, slippy, movie industry alive with the charity of the cutting edge of your wit.

-edit: some of of the dumbest comments here are from my alts. Can you.vote only for the real ones? Hint, I said the stupidest things.

Hmmm

Hey my man. Working hard?

I'll take a ... Hang on.

This a safe space.

It's was fine, but there was some honest to God, straight up parody played deadpan straight. And boy howdy does that stuff give me the giggles. I love airplane.

You call that angry? Phah! My little dog looks more angry than that when I rub her belly. Now say something that sounds truly angry. Don't worry. I'll be waiting.

I like to think of it as a meet and greet. I meet people who think it's mean of me to not like their movie. But it's super weird because the things that make it bad are just objectively bad.

Hello you angry scally wags. Why would you self identify as defending this piece of mashed content? Tell me your villain origin story.

Hey the gang showed up!