Human: Don't you people have lessons on human ana--? Ugh! It's a part of me, okay!
Officer: Even still, we can't let you into the warp gate with that container without allowing us examine its contents.
Human: Here? Really, I'm going to miss my portal!
Officer: Yes
Human: You'll have to cut me open, in that case!
Officer: Is that a threat, human?
Human: No! I mean, my stomach is literally part of my biology. I was born with it. It's filled with acid because it turns our food into energy!
Officer: Humans are not a first-order species. You do not have the capability to turn matter into energy.
Human: Grr, that's not what I meant! The food enters the stomach and melts it down, then we use that as fuel. Please tell me you know what an engine is?
Officer: What does a machine have to do with this?
Human: Gahds flippin' fuckin'!!! The stomach is our engine! It's a biological engine and we will die if you remove it from our body!
Officer: We still can't let you through the warp gate with such acid hiding in your body, I'm afraid we'll have to confiscate it.
Human: Arrrghh!! Did you not hear anything I just said?!
Officer: Calm down, we will resolve this in an orderly manner. Our technician will be here shortly to examine you to determine the best course of action.
Human: You fucking--!!! Mmmmmm!!!! Haaaaaaa....
Technician: I'm here, what did you want to-- you're a moron, Officer.
Officer: Our scanner reported that this human was hiding a dangerous substance within his body, being found carrying it is a violation of intergalactic law.
Technician: Humans are exempt from this law, you idiot. They're a third-order species that still relies on biological functions for survival. This is Galactic Species Biology 101, everyone knows it.
Officer: So are you going to remove the substance from him or not?
Technician: Good job changing the subject. No. Here, human, some medicine to dilute your stomach acid. I'm surprised you didn't take any before going into the gate, it's a requirement for your species to be allowed in here.
Human: Sorry, I was so tired that I forgot.
Technician: Well, don't forget next time. Oh, and your warp gate's closed.
A shadow bursts from the floor underneath the wolf man, sending him tumbling into the lower floor where he fell into a table filled with food. The chef was not impressed, for the food was supposed to be taken to the waiting food critic and will surely have dog hair all over them.
The sword suddenly glowed exceedingly bright.
Evil Spirit: Curses! How could I have been found out by this stupid sword-swinging buffoon!
Hero: I might be stupid, but you were not subtle.
Evil Spirit: How?! I am darkness personified! I move in the shadows! I hide in the dreams of men! I am the nightmares that plague your every sle--
Hero: It's midday. All I had to do was follow the large patch of darkness moving on the floor.
Time_Significance OP t1_jdq18k9 wrote
Reply to comment by EntertainmentEast614 in [WP] The heroes encounter a unicorn, a creature that will only take orders from a virgin. To everyone's surprise, the hero and the cleric were rejected. To everyone's bigger surprise, the unicorn trots over to the barbarian and puts its head on his lap. by Time_Significance
The dialogue was great, but it being a single big paragraph made it hard to follow.