I'll be honest, I've been the older guy in a relationship like this. I was fresh out of a divorce and started dating someone 10 years younger than me, looking back it wasn't a good decision for either of us, but you asked not to give advice regarding the age gap so I won't.
At the beginning of that relationship, I gave my ex-wife some financial support when needed. She left me the house, and rent is significantly more expensive on a monthly basis than a mortgage payment, so even though she earned more income, my lower cost of life expenses put me in a more stable situation. I felt like I had a moral obligation to kick in financially until she could stabilize, especially because we split custody and I didn't want the mother of my children to be financially struggling if I had the resources to help. Within about 6 months she had fully stabilized and no longer needed the help, and she's since remarried and has a solid 2-earner household now. She moved to a different city and we both agreed it would be best for the kids to not have to switch school systems, so now I have weekday custody and actually receive child support from her. I'm applying for a remote job that comes with a significant pay raise, and if I get that, it'll probably flip to where I'm paying the child support instead of receiving it.
It's pretty common in amicable separations for the person in the better financial situation to help the other person get back on their feet. Going from 2 incomes to 1 income is a significant financial hit and unless you're a pretty high income earner it's not something that's easy to recover from. But if this has been going on for a long period of time, I'd be suspicious, and I definitely wouldn't merge finances with somebody who's still supporting an ex. Keep that separated until that situation is resolved.
TitoTheMidget t1_j6myj1j wrote
Reply to Is he M45 F20 still in love with his ex? by ThrowRA-wwydiw
How long has he been doing this?
I'll be honest, I've been the older guy in a relationship like this. I was fresh out of a divorce and started dating someone 10 years younger than me, looking back it wasn't a good decision for either of us, but you asked not to give advice regarding the age gap so I won't.
At the beginning of that relationship, I gave my ex-wife some financial support when needed. She left me the house, and rent is significantly more expensive on a monthly basis than a mortgage payment, so even though she earned more income, my lower cost of life expenses put me in a more stable situation. I felt like I had a moral obligation to kick in financially until she could stabilize, especially because we split custody and I didn't want the mother of my children to be financially struggling if I had the resources to help. Within about 6 months she had fully stabilized and no longer needed the help, and she's since remarried and has a solid 2-earner household now. She moved to a different city and we both agreed it would be best for the kids to not have to switch school systems, so now I have weekday custody and actually receive child support from her. I'm applying for a remote job that comes with a significant pay raise, and if I get that, it'll probably flip to where I'm paying the child support instead of receiving it.
It's pretty common in amicable separations for the person in the better financial situation to help the other person get back on their feet. Going from 2 incomes to 1 income is a significant financial hit and unless you're a pretty high income earner it's not something that's easy to recover from. But if this has been going on for a long period of time, I'd be suspicious, and I definitely wouldn't merge finances with somebody who's still supporting an ex. Keep that separated until that situation is resolved.