>has a history of being very vindictive and malicious when angry and also very jealous.

So a lot of this does seem in line with the reality of what you know about her, right? She wants sex, you are tired or turn it down, she spirals and goes and talks shit about you to her exes. Clearly she has a lot of problems regulating her emotions, particularly when upset, and it results in her being toxic and abusive.

And... yeah. You seem to know this. So I think you are more or less being forced to face the reality that as she is she just isn't ready or capable of a healthy relationship. You probably already knew it, it just took her attacking you in a way that hit your pride deeper to finally have that sense slapped into you.

I think it is pretty clear this can't continue. Don't take what she says literally, likely it was all informed by her erratic emotional state. But don't dismiss it just because of that either.

>He told me this before asking me, because we have an open communication.

Was he open about the fact he was pursuing other women?

Why was it only now, after all this time, that he was actually open about his feelings about you and what he considers the prospect of the dynamic?

Like honestly, I don't think you were open on what was a really huge topic. And he exploited that, he would initiate contact despite being aware he didn't really want more. You assumed it was relationship trauma, but it comes across more as opportunism to me.

Which is gross. You deserve more than that. Sure, if his trauma is making him hold back then that's something worthy of compassion but really it only cements he probably isn't capable of being the kind of partner you need him to be. Honestly, I think he failed as a friend as well.