WolvenHeart0014

WolvenHeart0014 t1_iydp6qi wrote

Reply to [WP] "Double Edge" Is a legendary unique sword that is available for a handful of copper. It is the sharpest and strongest weapon in existence. It also talks, and roasts the living hell out of its owner constantly, pulling no punches. Write a story of one of its many, many owners. by ASentientRedditAcc

"You mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!"

"For once in my life, can you SHUT UP?!"

>Hi there. The name's Johnathan Grikks. And my sword hates me.

"YOU SWING LIKE A INFANT!"

"No I don't, asshole!"

The man slashes at the throat of his oponent, causing them to choke on their own blood.

"And your aim sucks more then you mother does on a daily basis!"

"I WILL THROW YOU IN THE OCEAN IF YOU WON'T STOP."

>Incase you couldn't tell, my sword LOVES to insult me. As it turns out, it's a pretty well known sword for that specific reason.

The man screams in frustration, repeatedly slamming the sword into a rock that just splits on every impact.

"You call yourself a warrior?! Your grip feels like that of a little girl!"

"JUST SHUT UP FOR FIVE SECONDS!!"

>I'd say the hatred is pretty mutual. However...

The man stands atop the head of a dragon's corpse, bloodied and cut.

"What was that, a mosquito?! Why'd you take so long?!"

"...I'm just gonna take that one as a compliment... partner."

>It's still a pretty dependable blade.

"You smell of cheese and urine!"

>Still hate it though.

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WolvenHeart0014 t1_iy74tpx wrote

Reply to comment by GrumpusBear in [WP] You're a 'comically incompetent' supervillain for a group of C-List heroes. They are no real threat to you, so you endure their childish speeches. However, when the heroes raid the civilian business you run on the side and injure your employees, you decide to take yourself seriously for once. by Informal_Ad_6157

I hadn't even thought about it. Just wanted to end it off nicely. Thanks though!

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WolvenHeart0014 t1_iy74s9o wrote

Reply to comment by AnonymousNeko2828 in [WP] You're a 'comically incompetent' supervillain for a group of C-List heroes. They are no real threat to you, so you endure their childish speeches. However, when the heroes raid the civilian business you run on the side and injure your employees, you decide to take yourself seriously for once. by Informal_Ad_6157

Thanks! I don't really comment on many posts, but it's nice when a submission gets some good feedback.

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WolvenHeart0014 t1_iy6s23t wrote

Reply to [WP] You're a 'comically incompetent' supervillain for a group of C-List heroes. They are no real threat to you, so you endure their childish speeches. However, when the heroes raid the civilian business you run on the side and injure your employees, you decide to take yourself seriously for once. by Informal_Ad_6157

When I saw Jeremy sitting against the wall with a hole in his arm, I knew who it was.

Those three idiots called themselves "SWAT Ops", and I was the "class 8" villain that the league assigned to them as training. It was a nice job, pretending to be some Doofenshmirtz impersonator to help new heros get used to their powers. It was fun, paid okay, and kept my city clean of major villains.

But these three... they were too much.

Cannon, a cyborg who fired energy blasts out of his arms, tended to use pigeons for target practice, and I had made sure to report it to the league when he started ignoring bystanders in our fights. He was the leader, and made sure people knew it.

Riot, whose powers allowed him to create shields of varrying sizes and materials depending on what he could access. He started out fine, but I had my doubts once he started using parts of buildings for his powers.

And Zapper, who could fire off small bolts from his body, was only about as stronger as a human tazer, until he started siphoning power from nearby buildings to amp up his voltage and amps.

They had started being trouble, but I was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. But this? Attacking a civilian worker in a bakery? MY BAKERY?! JUST CAUSE HE TOLD THEM TO LEAVE WHEN THEY WERE MAKING SOPHIE UNCOMFORTABLE?!! That was the limit.

We met up in the usual park we had our fights in, but I wasn't wearing the costume I usually did.

"What's with the get up, Breezie? You put on a little too much extra weight for the lab coat?" Cannon said, getting a laugh from his buddies.

"..." I merely kept walking towards them, my armor making light clanging noises with every step.

"Where's your newest gadget big guy? You forget it back at your ~secret lair~? We can wait for you to go get it!" Zapper said, a smirk on his face.

"Okay, what's with the wind today? You'd think a super-" That was the last thing Cannon said before a massive gust of wind slammed a tree into him.

"WHAT THE-" Zapper began, before getting slammed into a fence.

"What's going on?!" Riot shouted, barely standing his ground against the hurricane that was assaulting him.

"...My name isn't Breezie. It's Typhoon. Make sure you remember it next time you attack an innocent civilian." I told them, using my powers to guarantee that they could hear me.

"What are you talking abou- AAAAAH!!" Cannon screamed in pain as a blade of wind severed his left leg.

"CANNON!" Riot shouted, rushing to his leader, before he heard my voice right begind him.

"Watch your own back, dumbass." He heard, before he was trapped in a blender of wind.

"You sound so much like Goliath did in our last battle." I told him, a grin spreading across my face.

"I remember you now. You're the one who was slaughtering high ranking heros, like that class 3 Lancelot guy." Zapper said, fear evident in his voice.

"Congrats kiddo, you win. You wanna know what your prize is?" I said, a bright and bubbly smile on my face.

Before I ripped an eye out of his head.

"Partial blindess!"

He screamed, clutching at his now empty eye socket.

"YOU'RE A MONSTER!" Cannon shouted, before the winds all stopped at once.

"If I'm a monster, what does that make you?" I said to him, before his head was ripped from his shoulders.

"You don't target civilians unless you're a villain. And I'm allowed to kill any villain who enters MY city without permission. No one's gonna miss you."

Their screams became the soundtrack for my dreams for awhile after that. I have a new group now. Far more polite, kind, and good at doing their jobs correctly. I'm keeping an eye out though.

Can't let anyone hurt my employees.

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