Come on, don't make it sound like fantasy. Billions of people would be disappointed. Use more spooky language.

I'm a lefty who plays right handed guitars. I thought it helped to navigate the fretboard as a lefty and I did also struggle with my picking technique for a while. I find any issues with the left hand is best approached by going really slowly at first and then speeding up, while my picking got worse when I try to start slow (I go fast to establish what I want to do, then do it slowly to clean up and progressively speed up again)

After 14 years we're still waiting for this thing to do something?

I've been using the slowest charger I've owned since 15 years ago. I will use it until it dies. I don't care for fast charging. I charge when the battery goes below 30% and charge only up to 85%.