The Quick and the Squid.

Does he also have an axe with a dick hanging off of it? Or just an axeblade with a ballsack?

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Hide Casca

Quiet. The dead lay spread across the field, both human and alien. Mostly alien. The wind blows, the sun rises. A new day of battle.

Dug in on one side is the last bastion of humanity, the 101st Bonecrushers! And they dawn their power armor and electro blades in anticipation of the coming attack.

They have a giant bunker built into the side of a cliff. Its massive speakers start blasting a rap song from 2003. 4000 Bonecrusher troopers line up in the fox holes with only the electro blades for the alien enemy.

Men and women from every parts of the world make up the Bonecrushers. When they hear the song playin over the speakers they all begin to sing together in unison, " Mutha F× cka, I aint never scared, I aint never scared, I aint never scared!"

The horde of aliens charge the last remaining bastion of humanity. They are angry and tired! They want the war to be over! They want the humans to just be dead already!

"I aint never scared! I aint never scared! I aint never scared!" The warriors scream in defiance as the bash away the alien threat that ripped away their peaceful lives.

The humans beat back the swarm. They lose some and the aliens lose more. Just another day.

The Bonecrushers just set up for the next day. They aint never scared.

Us humans suck. Think of how we treat the NPC's in the GTA games.

Lol I like how you incorporated my typo.

"Pastor David, The Leagues of Unified Heroes have come together with an unanimous decision. We will be landing on your island to take you into custody to stand trial for the crime of Supervillaniany!"

Pastor David turned and scoffed at the pointy-eared hero on the screen and replied, "And what crime is that? All I've done for this planet has been to help, not hindered! I don't beat up the mentally ill in alleyways like you do!"

"When you 'turn' your followers, they lose their free will. You are nothing more that a mind-slaver," said the hero.

"You lie," The Pastor retorts, " they join my congregation, they are not forced. And they still have free will. I can feel all of them. There are places within all of them I can not touch."

"So we should just trust the word of the cult leader that lives on a private island with thousands of fanatical followers and a stockpile of super-powered followers?" Replied the hero. "Our psychics can't read your followers' thoughts either."

"You can't read the mind of someone connected to a hivemind, you idiot!" Pastor David said before angrily flicking off the monitor. He sat in the darkness of his command room breathing heavily, feeling his congregation moving about with his mind.

"We knew this would escalate things," he heard Wondera say. He turned to her, she was beautiful, tall, muscled, in red and gold armor. 

Wondera was the last of her warrior race and the greatest hero of planet Earth. And she had just joined Pastor David's congregation 2 days ago.

She walked up to him and caressed his face and he felt her love. How long they had met in secret and talked about their plans to fix this broken word of all its problems. All that time he had never touched her. He wanted her to be sure she wanted to be a part of this! 

"They think I brainwashed you," The Pastor says. "They are probably sending some heavy bruisers to take you on. Radar clocks them 10 minutes out."

"I'm not scared of anything they can scrounge up on such short notice. But you may have to be okay with turning people without their consent. This is a war they started," she says to Pastor David. He seems a little awestruck by her intensity.

"Y-yeah sure. Like we planned. Until we force them into a stalemate, or we secretly convert the leaders of the opposition, or.."

"Total domination!" Wondera says as electric spark out from all over her body. She leans in and gives The Pastor a shocking kiss before taking off, crashing through the ceiling.

Hey let me throw another writing prompt at you.(of course you don't have to do it). What would happen of a human is bitten by a zombie and right after a vamp turns him to save him from his zombie fate?

Some told me in Dm it was called Last Blood

"Commander, they're back," one of my troops informs me as I look over the inventory list. As soon as I look up he racks his shotgun and follow me out to stand on the compound wall with the rest of the men.

It's an "all hands on deck" situation. Everyone is on the wall that can hold a gun. My people aim down at the half-dozen vampire warriors swiftly killing off the few zombies that had stumbled in since yesterday's meeting. I pray my people keep calm and professional. I know how tempting it would be to pop one of these vamps right now.

With the zombies dead a group of cloaked people approached. I recognize from her height that it is the vampire mistress and her handmaidens. She had promised me something tonight that would guarantee trust between the two communities, but I still doubt she can provide.

Too many people think the vampires started the zombie outbreak. People think it was a vampire attempt at bioengineering the ability to walk around in the daylight. Most clans just enslaved humans anyways. This had to be a trick.

But negotiations with The Mistress has been going on for 2 months. Intel says she had 7 vamps to her colony including herself with 3 human familars. She had more humans, but a rival vampire gang took everyone and destroyed her compound.

As she get closer I take the rope elevator down to met her just outside the wall. She steps up to me and i look up at her expectantly. It's hard for me to feel sorry for a vampire, especially in a world that has produced so much misery for the innocent.

She looks down at me and reaches in her robe for something, and you hear the men on the wall shout a warning. I hold up my hand to stop them from firing on her!

"Regardless of your choice Commander," She says, "Whether you let us in or keep us out." She produces a sleeping infant child. "Take the girl. Keep her safe."

"What?" I find myself saying.

"She was one of my Handmaidens, before the Andria Clan took her," the tall vampire says to me. She looks down, almost shy. " The child is Emily. I-I can't have her around. I can't feed on her. Its too tempting and dangerous. She needs to be safe, and with people."

She hands me the child, Emily, and the kid starts to cry. I stand there dumbfounded as the loud kid screams it's lungs out. A couple zombies come walking along towards to noise to get shot by a guard or sliced by a vampire sword. I can hear laughter from both sides.

"So you want to keep her safe?" I ask.

"Yes, Commander. I want to keep everyone safe." She replies.

"Welcome to Fort Brom, Mistress. " I said as I shook her hand. Both sides let out a round of cheers.

Awesome. There has to be a novel or movie that has all ready done this idea but I haven't seen it yet. Its been on my back burner of "things to write eventually". So I decided to share it with everyons..

I need more lore on this!!