Life is about the small things. Relationships too. The big things you'll work on and get too... But don't let the big things blind you to the small. Well, life is about balance too...

It only matters if you're not getting enough. But it's a fine line... Too much and it'll never be the same again, no matter how many times you try. As with most things.

Everything has its place. It's about being able to see things for what they are, rather than enforcing your view on others, and ironically, for that you are in part utterly and excessively dependent on others. But it's realizing that your own life looks the same as those you envy, or look down on, to someone out there. And that ultimately it doesn't matter, what matters... Is that what matters to you is not mattering to you because you think it's what others want you to have matter to you, but what really deep down inseparable from you, really matters to you as a matter of life and death, even after several false starts in finding it and realzing its not that. That's your calling... The reason you do everything you do, the reason you were born, the thing you chose this adventure of life for, all over again, again. Yes, sometimes we make up stories given the facts, retrospectively, to make thinga feel right. But why does that work in the first place? If you gradually became more powerful, so that you were an all powerful god that could create and be and have happen things at will, know everything, have everything always work out, once you bore of that, what will you crave? Maybe not knowing? Does that situation sound familiar?

It's a start, but it's not enough. You're just one cell I'm an organism. The best people I know are the most troubled, and still looking for their organism. Of which an organization can just form a small part, if any at all!

Life has been so good to me. Can always be better, but I had really almost forgotten that that was me too when I was fresh in university. Over 20 years ago. I went from top of my class to bottom, and dropped out, in one term. Life was just one big disillusionment, nothing made sense. I didn't want to be here. I didn't care about those who wanted to help. Things started changing when people close, who I looked up to, became friends. And I learned that people freaked out when you spend too much time around them and that I had to withdraw into my own world and things long before that could even start happening, got to leave them with a sense of curiosity, admiration wanting more. Like they do for you. Only very rarely do you meet soul mates who you really never can get too much of... And oh does it hurt when you thought that that's what it was, but it wasn't. In those times I also started a diary. Sometimes I got stuck in the echo chamber of my mind, that only other people could get me out. Other times I got to know myself. I wrote anything and everything I dreamt of, thought, wondered about, all the impossible things I thought weren't meant for me. One of the most surprising feelings in life is discovering those entries you forgot about, and realized that you had done all of that, without even thinking or knowing about it at the time. Life is mysterious and magical. Every moment a grace. It's clear to me now that nobody is better off or worse off, it's just how we feel about our current situation, and that's the hardest thing to see, accept and change. And just time is not enough.