Thank you for your thoughts. I definitely don’t want to be in something like a poly relationship, but am open to exploring on an occasional basis but i did not see it as becoming a regular “friday night event” kind of thing. I do agree, the suicidal thoughts probably came from a culmination of a lot of pressure of different things (possibly a lifestyle i do not want).

Thank you for insight. Me and my bf are going for couple’s therapy and we’ll see how it goes from there. I personally do not think it was so that he could cheat. I trust him when he said it was not his intent. And if he wanted an open lifestyle, he could well able to break up with me and live a more open lifestyle as a single guy.

I know that pretending to be happy when i’m not is not the best. I just am worried that if i don’t portray “happy” it might it seem like i’m always a downer and he wouldn’t want to be with me. But i also understand he would just get frustrated later on if he found out that i wasn’t actually happy.

But thank you for your supportive words. I’ll do my best..

Thank you