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vivivivivistan t1_jaerhbd wrote

If you feel like being around them makes you worse in some way (your mood, sucks all the fun out of something, makes you feel bad, etc.) then they're probably toxic.

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RxstySp00ns OP t1_jaeroms wrote

I think ur right but we have good times too. Idk if i should talk to them about their "jokes"

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zTomer t1_jaes5dw wrote

If you tell them you don't appreciate when they joke about XYZ, and they continue to joke about XYZ with you... they're toxic and lack respect for you as a friend.

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LeadershipTrue8164 t1_jaeuf8z wrote

Or making you believe that your complaints are wether ridiculous or even hurtful towards them … they are not joking .. they are toxic!

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RxstySp00ns OP t1_jaesksc wrote

thank you for the advice :) i think i will this week

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LeadershipTrue8164 t1_jaeuky8 wrote

Toxic people will always give you amazingly good times between the abuse… they want you

  1. to stay
  2. second guessing yourself
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LadyBugTango t1_jaev0zl wrote

True story ☝️ learn to never second guess yourself.

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dank_memed t1_jaerqv1 wrote

If they decide they're joking by gauging your reaction to what they said

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RxstySp00ns OP t1_jaerztj wrote

oh i think they do that...

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TechyDad t1_jaeu620 wrote

I call that Schrodinger's Joke. The statement is simultaneously completely serious and "just a joke" until the person sees the reaction to it. Then, it collapses into the state that benefits the person the most.

If you agree with them, then they are totally serious.

If you're offended by what they said, then they were just joking and how dare you take that seriously!

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TrulyFull t1_jaermxx wrote

When they constantly make jokes at the expense of marginalized people. They'll always say they're joking but the moment anyone humors them the facade of a joke goes away.

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a-c-moore t1_jaers1u wrote

I find that people who say "just joking!" a lot are either.

  1. Testing the waters with their "jokes" to see which of their odious ideas are going to fly with this particular group
  2. Just not very funny
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renegadeMare t1_jaerzmk wrote

Actions are what matter, not words? Somebody can insist that they're not setting you on fire or stealing your car while they're doing so, but that doesn't change the fact that they're doing those very things and it's not funny.

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clearwind t1_jaeru5g wrote

If they are making toxic jokes they are toxic. Non toxic people don't make toxic jokes.

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HappinessOrgan t1_jaeul1m wrote

Bigggg disagree.

I have dynamics with some people where we reallyyyy rip on each other - like that shit gets creative. And if you're taking as much as your giving I see no problem. I also have many relationships where it comes no where close to that.

Not every toxic joke is rooted in sincerity. You just have to really know the people you choose to spend your time with

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clearwind t1_jaevhtx wrote

I would also disagree with your take, specifically that the friendly ribbing is a toxic joke, when both parties consent to the jokes that is when it stops being toxic, but the instant that someone removes that consent and the jokes continue that's when they become toxic jokes. In your example they would be on a precipice of becoming toxic without actually getting there.

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RxstySp00ns OP t1_jaf0ecp wrote

i do have this relationship with some of my friends. but this person takes it too far and makes the same "joke" over and over

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HappinessOrgan t1_jaf1to9 wrote

Yeah, I've read a few of your replies. It doesn't seem the same at all really as your case. So I wouldn't take it as advice for sure

I just think it's a really weak (and simplistic) opinion to over generalize like that person did. There are many reasons a person could be "toxic" to you without them actually being a toxic person

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judynaybooty t1_jaes0r3 wrote

This question is great.Now i need great answers

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Mixedbagostuff t1_jaesb61 wrote

Tell them how you feel about the “jokes”. If they make you uncomfortable, ask them to stop. If they don’t stop, it’s up to you to decide if you want to be around someone like that.

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RxstySp00ns OP t1_jaetjgk wrote

I fell like they might know how what they say makes me feel, but they think making it a "joke" will stop me from saying anything about it.

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Mixedbagostuff t1_jaetsds wrote

Make it clear. Sounds like it’s time to speak up, as uncomfortable as it may be. People like this need to be checked. It also sounds like you know deep down they aren’t a good fit for you, and that’s okay.

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MotomusPotato t1_jaesn9t wrote

Because they’re always “joking”

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Therealleo410 t1_jaesry3 wrote

I find it simple. People who can never take anything serious, are toxic.

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RxstySp00ns OP t1_jaesxwm wrote

yeah... they can never actually have a serious conversation without getting uncomfortable or cringing

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ScoVirgLeo t1_jaet89s wrote

If they always have to state they're joking while speaking upon an uncomfortable subject, they're toxic lol

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JackVessalius1984 t1_jaetjlq wrote

Fire back with the same or similar joke. If they get bothered, They can recognise the damage it can make, and they're doing it on purpose, but if they genuinely laugh, then they're thinking nothing of it, and are the type of air head that just shoots jokes, but isn't trying to hurt you

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LeadershipTrue8164 t1_jaeu3px wrote

People hitting somebody’s weak spot all the time.. labeling it as a joke (so they are immediately taking away your possibility to addressing that as hurtful behavior)… are emotional intelligent … and not doing this by accident… that is highly tactical.

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__Jimmy__ t1_jaeuabb wrote

No actually good person persists in acting toxic. Them saying "it's a joke bro" changes nothing

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Pillow_fort_guard t1_jaevcal wrote

There’s a saying “Kids can throw rocks at frogs in fun, but the frogs die in earnest.” Non-toxic people tend to back off when they realize their joke was actually pretty hurtful. Toxic people will blame you for getting hurt

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Pitiful_Brief_6424 t1_jaewc7y wrote

If they feel toxic to you and others then they are toxic. Many people are toxic without being aware of it, so when they say they are joking they could be telling the truth, or what they feel is the truth. Unconscious toxic behaviors are learned responses to stimuli, brought on by growing up in a toxic environment. Of course, they could also just be jerks and know perfectly well they are jerks. Either way, they should be called on this behavior and avoided if they make no attempt to change.

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Hellen_Bacque t1_jaewkxf wrote

If the jokes aren’t funny and they’re always at your expense

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apple_sauce_sucks t1_jaex75x wrote

Easy, if they insist they’re always joking… and the jokes make you uncomfortable, and you’ve expressed this…. They ARE toxic.

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bigjackaal48 t1_jaexcfy wrote

People who say "Just banter/joking" Implode when given the same back I've left groups where folk will threaten to the point the group/site is worthless.

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1w2e3e t1_jaf06ob wrote

Ok do people laugh when say his jokes. Because I have a crude sense of humor, I also have thick skin. My friends have said some fucked up, mean and hilarious jokes at my expense. If he is a trades guy, it a joke. I'm a mechanic and it used to get rowdy here.

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RxstySp00ns OP t1_jaes8wv wrote

these are all rly good answers thanks

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