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vivivivivistan t1_jaerhbd wrote

If you feel like being around them makes you worse in some way (your mood, sucks all the fun out of something, makes you feel bad, etc.) then they're probably toxic.

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TrulyFull t1_jaermxx wrote

When they constantly make jokes at the expense of marginalized people. They'll always say they're joking but the moment anyone humors them the facade of a joke goes away.

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dank_memed t1_jaerqv1 wrote

If they decide they're joking by gauging your reaction to what they said

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a-c-moore t1_jaers1u wrote

I find that people who say "just joking!" a lot are either.

  1. Testing the waters with their "jokes" to see which of their odious ideas are going to fly with this particular group
  2. Just not very funny
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clearwind t1_jaeru5g wrote

If they are making toxic jokes they are toxic. Non toxic people don't make toxic jokes.

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renegadeMare t1_jaerzmk wrote

Actions are what matter, not words? Somebody can insist that they're not setting you on fire or stealing your car while they're doing so, but that doesn't change the fact that they're doing those very things and it's not funny.

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judynaybooty t1_jaes0r3 wrote

This question is great.Now i need great answers

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RxstySp00ns OP t1_jaes8wv wrote

these are all rly good answers thanks

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Mixedbagostuff t1_jaesb61 wrote

Tell them how you feel about the “jokes”. If they make you uncomfortable, ask them to stop. If they don’t stop, it’s up to you to decide if you want to be around someone like that.

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Therealleo410 t1_jaesry3 wrote

I find it simple. People who can never take anything serious, are toxic.

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ScoVirgLeo t1_jaet89s wrote

If they always have to state they're joking while speaking upon an uncomfortable subject, they're toxic lol

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JackVessalius1984 t1_jaetjlq wrote

Fire back with the same or similar joke. If they get bothered, They can recognise the damage it can make, and they're doing it on purpose, but if they genuinely laugh, then they're thinking nothing of it, and are the type of air head that just shoots jokes, but isn't trying to hurt you

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Mixedbagostuff t1_jaetsds wrote

Replying to RxstySp00ns (#2,130,818)

Make it clear. Sounds like it’s time to speak up, as uncomfortable as it may be. People like this need to be checked. It also sounds like you know deep down they aren’t a good fit for you, and that’s okay.

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LeadershipTrue8164 t1_jaeu3px wrote

People hitting somebody’s weak spot all the time.. labeling it as a joke (so they are immediately taking away your possibility to addressing that as hurtful behavior)… are emotional intelligent … and not doing this by accident… that is highly tactical.

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TechyDad t1_jaeu620 wrote

Replying to RxstySp00ns (#2,130,166)

I call that Schrodinger's Joke. The statement is simultaneously completely serious and "just a joke" until the person sees the reaction to it. Then, it collapses into the state that benefits the person the most.

If you agree with them, then they are totally serious.

If you're offended by what they said, then they were just joking and how dare you take that seriously!

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__Jimmy__ t1_jaeuabb wrote

No actually good person persists in acting toxic. Them saying "it's a joke bro" changes nothing

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HappinessOrgan t1_jaeul1m wrote

Replying to clearwind (#2,130,113)

Bigggg disagree.

I have dynamics with some people where we reallyyyy rip on each other - like that shit gets creative. And if you're taking as much as your giving I see no problem. I also have many relationships where it comes no where close to that.

Not every toxic joke is rooted in sincerity. You just have to really know the people you choose to spend your time with

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Pillow_fort_guard t1_jaevcal wrote

There’s a saying “Kids can throw rocks at frogs in fun, but the frogs die in earnest.” Non-toxic people tend to back off when they realize their joke was actually pretty hurtful. Toxic people will blame you for getting hurt

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clearwind t1_jaevhtx wrote

Replying to HappinessOrgan (#2,131,249)

I would also disagree with your take, specifically that the friendly ribbing is a toxic joke, when both parties consent to the jokes that is when it stops being toxic, but the instant that someone removes that consent and the jokes continue that's when they become toxic jokes. In your example they would be on a precipice of becoming toxic without actually getting there.

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Pitiful_Brief_6424 t1_jaewc7y wrote

If they feel toxic to you and others then they are toxic. Many people are toxic without being aware of it, so when they say they are joking they could be telling the truth, or what they feel is the truth. Unconscious toxic behaviors are learned responses to stimuli, brought on by growing up in a toxic environment. Of course, they could also just be jerks and know perfectly well they are jerks. Either way, they should be called on this behavior and avoided if they make no attempt to change.

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Hellen_Bacque t1_jaewkxf wrote

If the jokes aren’t funny and they’re always at your expense

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apple_sauce_sucks t1_jaex75x wrote

Easy, if they insist they’re always joking… and the jokes make you uncomfortable, and you’ve expressed this…. They ARE toxic.

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bigjackaal48 t1_jaexcfy wrote

People who say "Just banter/joking" Implode when given the same back I've left groups where folk will threaten to the point the group/site is worthless.

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1w2e3e t1_jaf06ob wrote

Ok do people laugh when say his jokes. Because I have a crude sense of humor, I also have thick skin. My friends have said some fucked up, mean and hilarious jokes at my expense. If he is a trades guy, it a joke. I'm a mechanic and it used to get rowdy here.

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HappinessOrgan t1_jaf1to9 wrote

Replying to RxstySp00ns (#2,133,958)

Yeah, I've read a few of your replies. It doesn't seem the same at all really as your case. So I wouldn't take it as advice for sure

I just think it's a really weak (and simplistic) opinion to over generalize like that person did. There are many reasons a person could be "toxic" to you without them actually being a toxic person

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