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thisplacemakesmeangr t1_iwrnh0l wrote

Sending my Amish arch nemesis one of these rockers now to let him know I've bought his coffin. Excellent tip ty

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K-chub t1_iwsivwz wrote

Amish intimidation tactic

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lastdazeofgravity t1_iwtmga2 wrote

The notorious Amish mafia

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PARKOUR_ZOMBlE t1_iwuq67c wrote

I live in Amish country and if you move to a property adjoining the Amish, I’ve heard that if they don’t like you they’ll subtly make your life miserable.

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f1del1us t1_iwvgju7 wrote

Does the opposite also hold true? Imagine going next door for a cup of sugar and getting a couple loaves of banana bread…

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PARKOUR_ZOMBlE t1_iwvlafd wrote

Actually it does! If they like you you’re IN. They really take care of eachother and people they like.

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awibasedgod t1_iwrh23j wrote

Amish furniture is incredible quality, truly BIFL stuff

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MuleLiver t1_iwrpdjr wrote

In this case it’s built for death

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schmittc t1_iwrtrvi wrote

That's why the guarantee only covers life.

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aelios t1_iws1emo wrote

What if they come back?

Now I'm interested if there are any Amish zombie movies...

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krazy_kat_laddie t1_iws4xp1 wrote

>Now I'm interested if there are any Amish zombie movies...

Given the Amish's stance on electricity, I doubt it.

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nxcrosis t1_iwskutd wrote

Okay but what about Amish zombie comic books

3

twowheels t1_iwtatte wrote

You mean those people that sell furniture on the internet, and have electric bicycles? Not all Amish are as you describe them.

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theoriginalmocha t1_iwtki3v wrote

Actually met some near my home town in a tourist area. They showed up to vacation with the kids. They were playing arcade games and eating junk food just like the rest of us. I always wondered if they went to the theme park rides.

1

itoddicus t1_iwvu8nd wrote

I have seen some either Mennonites or Amish at Busch Gardens Colonial Williamsburg.

2

Frost1235 t1_iwsfa1f wrote

Incredibly disrespectful.

You think the Amish would allow any of that nonsense to occur?

"Farmer Smith passed away from a animal bite two days ago. There's been rumors of him walking around the fields."

"Looks like another community hunt. Let's bring the boys that are close to the coming of age ceremony this time."

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gallaj0 t1_iwt0oo6 wrote

He didn't help in the last barn raising.

Must be a zombie, let's hunt him.

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aelios t1_iwvfbfp wrote

You can't tell me ripped zombies on horseback chasing people with a scythe wouldn't be damned entertaining, assuming a Tucker and Dale vs evil vibe

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haloid2013 t1_iws4i8o wrote

Attack of the Zamish is something I'd watch.

9

Summoarpleaz t1_iwrpyuc wrote

I once went to a local version of like goodwill/thrift store and there was a sort of scratched up dresser. I like to sometimes treasure hunt but have no real eye for anything. It looked sturdy so I took a peak and saw the inside was branded with an Amish company from PA. The wood was solid. It was already marked sold, but I think the price was like $85. It was probably worth many fold over that.

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HedonisticFrog t1_iwsextl wrote

Quality furniture is a steal once it's used. I snagged a really nice mahogany bedroom set for $300, and a $3000 leather couch for $500. They're worth well more than that for how long they'll last and how nice they are.

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Neiliobob t1_iwsypsc wrote

They have auctions up in Shipshewana that'd make your head spin. To them it's just old furniture. People load up trailers and drag it back to different states and sell it for 10x what they paid.

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Negative-Ambition110 t1_iwrt6wz wrote

My in-laws only buy Amish furniture. At first I was shocked by the prices but I totally get it now. We only have an Amish coffee and side table so far but there is much more in our future. It’s beautifully made. We have 2 little kids and they both still look amazing considering what they’ve been through.

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apocryphalmaster t1_iwse3h8 wrote

> We have 2 little kids and they both still look amazing considering what they’ve been through.

Hey congrats

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awibasedgod t1_iwru24r wrote

I wanted a really great TV tray and not the cheap stuff at big box stores either because I use mine a lot. I ended up ordering one from an Amish company in Ohio that cost more to ship it to me in CA than the price of the tray itself. Totally worth it IMHO

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edcculus t1_iwrywgk wrote

my dad builds furniture as a hobby. He's built us some really amazing stuff. But hes not interested in even trying to sell the stuff because he'd have to try to sell it for so much not many people would want to pay. My coffee table he built would probably cost $3000.

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mx5fan t1_iwsg4g0 wrote

My parents bought my wife and me a dresser/nightstand set from the Amish for our wedding gift -- truly remarkable craftsmanship, but it doesn't come cheap. Nothing good ever does though I suppose.

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gravityandlove t1_iwtcp6c wrote

my grandmother has the amish community create all of the furniture in her summer home, as well as build it. amazing folk

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Sbuxshlee t1_iwtpjon wrote

I have a rocking horse built by the amish from at least the 80s. My grandma gave it to baby me back then. His mane and tail has since turned to dust and i replaced his leather ears because my younger sister finally ripped them off after months of her abuse in the late 90s but everything else is exactly how it was then and my 5 year old son loves it now.

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krollAY t1_iwrmane wrote

Makes the funerals very romantic, but the child rearing is a bleak affair.

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Web-Dude t1_iws18vi wrote

It's not as bad as you think. Basically the way farm kids were raised in the 1800's. They work really hard, but they eat really well and grow up with an incredible work ethic. Honestly wish I had some of that (should be coding right now instead I'm on reddit).

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krazy_kat_laddie t1_iws56j1 wrote

And that's why you're bound to lose your job to Amish coders. Tsk. Tsk.

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Web-Dude t1_iwuv0n0 wrote

don't laugh. I did once lose my job to a Mennonite developer when I first started!

He drove a sports car and was way cooler than me. That was the day I realized I didn't know anything about anything.

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bikinireef t1_iwsibpn wrote

They also (in the US) often stop education after middle school and there's rampant sexual abuse in the communities

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joenphillips t1_iwsjurv wrote

There is absolutely no evidence to back that up other than some random reporter with anonymous sources.

Their actual rates are far lower than the general population.

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RedStateBlueStain t1_iwss38i wrote

>There is absolutely no evidence to back that up other than some random reporter with anonymous sources.

Can confirm. Grew up with Amish, and, as a whole, they are the most kind, decent, wholesome people you'll ever meet.

Did I meet a few asshole Amish? You betcha. In that regard, they're just like any other sector of society. So, I'm sure there's isolated incidents of sexual abuse, just like any other sector of society. But it definitely isn't rampant, because the vast majority of them are the type to best the shit out of anyone engaging in such behavior.

Can also confirm that, in fact, nearly all our their children don't attend school after the 8th grade. But the Amish kids my age were smarter in 8th than the majority of people I graduated with. So, nothing lost there...

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evilted t1_iwstl5g wrote

Not big on their puppy mills. They can fuck off.

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RedStateBlueStain t1_iwswqjn wrote

>Not big on their puppy mills. They can fuck off.

Raising dogs isn't strictly an Amish endeavor.

Obviously, people wanna buy dogs, or why else would anyone, not just the Amish, raise them?....maybe the target of your ire should be the people shelling out money for dogs, not the people raising the dogs to fulfill a demand?

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JAK3CAL t1_iwszpif wrote

Just worked with amish on my property. Does limited interactions reveal deep underlying issues? no... but they sure seemed happy. really enjoyed talking to them and their perspectives

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GrapeScotch t1_iwsquvu wrote

It’s a reference to the TV show The Office. Dwight talks about his family’s tradition of being married while standing in your own grave plots.

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awesomesauce615 t1_iwstv16 wrote

They don't actually eat that healthy overall. They have plenty of problems of obesity and don't steer clear of refined sugar.

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JAK3CAL t1_iwszh4s wrote

ive met plenty of amish men with a few tires stacked around their waist haha

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tikimora t1_iwstx8f wrote

I dated an ex Amish guy for a few years. The stories I heard from him and what he endured….It really is that bad. To put it in perspective if I had to choose between Sc*entology or the Amish..id pick the former.

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reduces t1_iwsp7g8 wrote

something something unexpected office

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LurkingShadows2021 t1_iws2bfa wrote

I have to ask, where do people buy Amish furniture/ goods? I live in the US, and presumably the Amish wouldn't be using the internet to sell things.

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Yosemite_Scott OP t1_iws3bid wrote

There are a lot of third party sellers like some high end furniture stores I have Daniels Amish furniture brand in my house . There is a pretty big mark up if you buy from stores that carry it. You can buy straight from the Amish community for a huge discount a lot of the time the furniture is unfinished but you save 70% compared to the furniture store . For example I bought my parents a queen four post bed frame made from solid red oak for $330 . I had it finished for another $300 from a guy I found online and I bought the metal side runner rails for $150. So I spent $780 in total and a frame similar goes for over $2k .

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himmelundhoelle t1_iwuagep wrote

So the Amish are getting ripped off big time

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leviwhite9 t1_iwudt3q wrote

Yeah but they can't check here or eBay to confirm pricing.

Shady ass middlemen as always.

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mithrilbong t1_iwuttir wrote

Ya'll have no idea what you're talking about.

Amish people know exactly what's going on, and are happy to rip you off. The fact is, "amish made" as a whole is a big scam, with few exceptions. They know yuppie tourists will pay anything for "amish made" goods. They can use internet and just about any other technology if it's for the purpose of business, otherwise they'd never stand a chance in todays world.

The truss plant I worked in had an Amish guy doing the marketing, and the CAD/Engineering.

Oh, and they also treat animals like absolute shit (again, few exceptions). Animal abuse, inbreeding, overbreeding, etc. Drive through any Amish area around spring time and you'll see a "free puppies, unknown mixed breed" sign on at least half the houses you go by.

Source: grew up in Lancaster PA, worked for multiple Amish companies, 5 of my 6 closest neighbors were Amish.

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mcmaster93 t1_iwv6c2z wrote

Appreciate this. Love how people just believe anything they read on here without verifying

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itoddicus t1_iwvtyud wrote

Another thing people don't understand is there is no such thing as "The Amish".

They are not a monolithic group.

The churches that drive their lives have broken up and re-formed into various combinations and iterations a great many times.

So each church and each community in that church has different views.

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TorrenceMightingale t1_iwun6uw wrote

They should hire consultants to do the “devil’s work” of keeping them from getting ass-raped.

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ILikeBumblebees t1_iwv8n7z wrote

No, the customers who buy from downstream distributors instead of from the Amish directly are the ones getting ripped off. The Amish folks themselves are still selling their furniture at their own prices either way.

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nwoh t1_iws4gie wrote

Just go into Amish communities if you're close by, you'll find great stuff at great prices.

Yearly we go full our entire suv with pumpkins for about 40 bucks, which includes touring the Amish farm and a horse and buggy ride into the pumpkin patch.

I also get it if you're not nearby, you'll need to find a 3rd party.

I live in Ohio but grew up way deep south, so just going into Amish country was wild for me the first time.

Now we do it at least once a year.

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oldspicehorse t1_iwttzyl wrote

Question: what can one do with an entire SUV full of pumpkins?

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toborne t1_iwulhwf wrote

Just about anything one sets one's mind on

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effinnxrighttt t1_iwsi2sx wrote

Directly from Amish communities. There are a lot of them in Ohio, PA and western NY.

Some Amish also partner with English folk and the English person sells the goods online while the Amish person sells them in store or only does the crafting and sells based on commission.

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remainsofthedaze t1_iwssm65 wrote

I'm in central PA. Amish people may not use the internet, but Amish businesses absolutely do. They can also hire non-amish folks to do things like build websites.

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pqrs234567 t1_iws759z wrote

They do! Lots of modern workarounds these days. Depends on the specific church/pastor within the religion I think. Like, if someone else charges the computer they can type on it. I don't have a rec, sorry! But I bet you can find an actual Amish person.

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NEDsaidIt t1_iwsimpc wrote

Their “pastors” are called Bishops for what it’s worth. Grew up Mennonite in Amish country

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pqrs234567 t1_iwvk1wv wrote

Excellent. Grew up atheist in Amish country.

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Hell_in_a_bucket t1_iwshgng wrote

Definitely seen some groups using modern networking tech as buisness only.

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drmcgills t1_iwtfpzt wrote

Some communities are even starting to use cell phones. There are specific apps that they can use to limit the functionality to only the features that their community wants to access.

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brenndog t1_iwu1zdk wrote

There’s a whole tourism industry built around the Amish here in Lancaster, PA. Tons of stores to buy Amish furniture, quilts, foods, etc.

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JAK3CAL t1_iwszck9 wrote

there are outlets; and they work with english suppliers to distribute goods. I have lived in both NY and PA close to their communities and there is a wide degree of Amish-ness if you will. Different sects (this post referenced the Swartzentrubers specifically) have different degrees of strictness. The Amish I just worked with to log my property were of a belief that they could use their mobile phones for work purposes, and frequently did. But would leave outside the home, etc etc

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SCP_5009 t1_iwtcsai wrote

As a Pennsylvanian, many Amish businesses do use parts of the internet. Since it’s for work they are allowed to according to some of the churches (at least here in Lancaster). Some use the same “loophole” to own phones and some cars.

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OzarkHiker1977 t1_iwuq1j1 wrote

Where are you located?

1

4x4b t1_iwus593 wrote

Pennsylvania.

1

OzarkHiker1977 t1_iwuu80q wrote

my family said in Ephrata they have a places out in their neck of the woods you can find stuff...I will talk to my cousin here after breakfast and ask her more...

2

Havingfun921 t1_ix4ccbf wrote

I live about an hour and a half from Lancaster PA, and there are several places there that sell very high quality stuff.

1

chasonreddit t1_iwrtutj wrote

While both are beautiful, doesn't anyone else have an issue with buying such a beautiful piece of craftsmanship (and valuable wood) and then either burying it or burning it up?

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Will_Winters t1_iwrv8mw wrote

100%. The one tip funeral homes don't want you to know; Use the coffin just for the funeral not the burial. Then pass down the rocker AND coffin to your children. BIFE Put me in a burlap sack and save the $10k.

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Tack122 t1_iwrybm7 wrote

Just store the coffin in the attic with a realistic plastic skeleton inside for the time between funerals?

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Will_Winters t1_iws128m wrote

Bring it out for Halloween and rent it out for other funerals too. I mean, this is funny...but why the fuck DON'T we do this? The buried expensive casket is a moronic idea.

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Tack122 t1_iws1jwg wrote

Realistically, the funeral home ought to have a few of each of the fancy coffins they offer and all the customers share/reuse them, wash the liners between funerals, but I think that overly engages people's squeamishness about corpses.

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HedonisticFrog t1_iwsfhwc wrote

That's a great idea. You can parade me in a nice coffin, and then have a release hatch on the bottom where my body falls down once it's level with the ground.

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mx5fan t1_iwsit3x wrote

Kinda the same reason why diamonds are ridiculously priced even though they're actually very common in nature.

The funeral business is one that I believe is particularly predatory -- they prey on the emotional response of people at their most vulnerable state to upsell shit they can't afford, all under the guise that it's "showing your respect to the dead." Whether you feed your dearly departed dad to a pack of pigs or take out a loan to bury him in a fancy cemetery with a $30k mahogany casket, he is none the wiser.

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EngFarm t1_iws0xum wrote

Use it as decoration for Halloween and as a blanket/toy chest during the rest of the year.

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Tack122 t1_iws196m wrote

"Why is the children's playroom decorated like a funeral parlor?"

"Ah you see, it's a dual use room, we store the toys in the coffin when we aren't mourning in there!"

7

Web-Dude t1_iws1nzr wrote

Yes.

Everyone I know knows that I want to be put in a cardboard box and/or just a large hole. I have zero interest in my meatbag when I'm done with it.

But I think maybe a high-quality coffin isn't so much for the person going into it as much as it's for the people still alive who want to feel good about sending them off.

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ivanoski-007 t1_iws9abm wrote

I don't care , they WILL respect my decision to he put in a cardboard box !

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JoMamma_80 t1_iwsehz9 wrote

My Grammy always said this. Put me in a cardboard box, and send me on my way.

It’s a little funny that she wanted to be cremated but my papa wanted a wake and funeral for her first, so he bought a (beautiful) basically covered cardboard (maybe like particle board in there, too?) casket that she would then be burned in.

I know she was laughing.

7

Mountain_Man_88 t1_iwsdn5a wrote

I want one of those classic pine boxes like you see in westerns and old horror movies. Chuck me in the ground and let me decompose, shouldn't cost more than $100.

2

scottb84 t1_iwsnywn wrote

No-frills wood caskets remain a popular option for observant Jews, who apparently cannot be buried in anything with metal components. My understanding is the Leonard Cohen was buried in a simple pine box.

4

Anianna t1_iwtl19v wrote

I've signed the papers to have my meat bag donated to my state's research lab. All my family has to do is call them to come pick it up.

2

Anianna t1_iwtkt9g wrote

I've always felt like a coffin is the one thing that shouldn't be built to last.

1

Jacollinsver t1_iws03ih wrote

Um. Pause. I'm supposed to, what, store a massive casket somewhere while I'm still alive? Hope the fabric doesn't get old, dirty, dusty, and covered in insects? Who has the storage space for that?

This isn't an efficient plan at all

21

Web-Dude t1_iws1x0m wrote

You pay for the casket ahead of time, they just don't build it until you need it. But you get the chair right now so you feel like you're getting something for your $$$.

You can probably ask for the casket immediately but I don't think it would go well as I'm pretty sure the Amish can't abide a vampire living in their midst.

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tyedyehippy t1_iws2gy0 wrote

>You can probably ask for the casket immediately

Hey man, I just wanna get a good night's sleep

8

m0nkeybl1tz t1_iwsbksr wrote

Do you bring the chair in as like your claim ticket when you need the casket?

7

Web-Dude t1_iwuu4ui wrote

If you are able to carry a chair at the same time you need a casket, you technically qualify as a zombie.

2

gothiclg t1_iwtf3f4 wrote

As a weirdo I would totally 100% purchase a casket to use as like a coffee table or something for awhile if it had a flat top. I’d also purchase this if I knew someone would pass soon and it wouldn’t take up space long.

2

synonyco t1_iwrg35s wrote

That is beautiful, really...

16

spiderpuzzle t1_iwrr4li wrote

To... haunt after you die, so it would rock by itself?

8

wooddoug t1_iwrhoeq wrote

From my admittedly limited knowledge, that does not look like a Swartzentruber Amish man.

7

JAK3CAL t1_iwszrv2 wrote

probably an english storefront owner. amish sell to him, he sells to the community.

3

InnerPick3208 t1_iwsnqmy wrote

I can't get behind fancy coffins. Such a waste, particularly when made from nice wood.

6

Woodedroger t1_iwt7oll wrote

I kinda want my coffin made out of an old tree that’s already fallen. Shit I’ll be dead anyway so hollow it out and stuff me in it

3

[deleted] t1_iwro8iq wrote

Can we get those caskets as rockers?

5

gremlinclr t1_iwsznz3 wrote

Same in Ky. My dad died in 2012 and we got him an amish made barnwood casket and it came with a rocker. Then the same for my sister in 2020 and my mom this year... I got a lotta rockers.

5

cutofmyjib t1_iws2slx wrote

"This rocking chair actually matches my coffin in the garage! Wanna see it?"

"Uhhhhh"

3

Iggy_Arbuckle t1_iws3kux wrote

"The dead can't hear you, boy. But they do like to rock"

3

bravestar3030 t1_iws2d8f wrote

I thought the rocker was for when my spirit decides to come back and haunt the house.

2

-Angry-Dragon- t1_iwsg7du wrote

Buy It For Life

Buy It For Afterlife

2

SunnyOnSanibel t1_iwsqtix wrote

Gives new meaning to the phrase “off your rocker”.

2

blakeusa25 t1_iwsxx3b wrote

Add a bar stool and im in.

2

RockitDanger t1_iwt65ke wrote

My luck the chair would start rocking out of nowhere and I'd have a mental breakdown

2

datvm t1_iwsotj6 wrote

That's the last thing I need!

1

SGBotsford t1_iwss6v5 wrote

And so you opt for a plain pine box.

Rocker.?

1

Neiliobob t1_iwsyryf wrote

They have auctions up in Shipshewana that'd make your head spin. To them it's just old furniture. People load up trailers and drag it back to different states and sell it for 10x what they paid.

1

TheBirdBytheWindow t1_iwu7c1i wrote

As a northern Indiana Hoosier, I can't describe in detail enough how much I hate Shipshe and the cretins that crawl all over the place to get there and to Middlebury.

I loathe everything about the Amish and that God forsaken flea market.

Buy craftsman furniture, but never buy from them. Don't believe me? Move here; live around and work with them. You'll see.

2

Neiliobob t1_iwuqt37 wrote

I haven't been back there in a few years but I know the flea market has turned to mostly dollar store junk but the auctions were always cool. As someone that grew up in a tourist town (Nashville) I can understand the aggravation.

2

Mister2112 t1_iwsz3jl wrote

That's actually splendid. We will almost all be rocking-chair-years-old someday.

1

Walaina t1_iwt0982 wrote

I want to be cremated, but that is a fucking beautiful casket.

1

TheMeanGirl t1_iwt4q8m wrote

When they say matching… should I purchase grandma a casket that matches my living room?

1

Cherrubim t1_iwt6hw1 wrote

I'll take the rocket you can put me in pine.

1

sermer48 t1_iwtmwmv wrote

Whoa my family had almost that exact chair. Is it a common Amish design or did my grandparents buy a coffin chair? 😂

1

Whales_like_plankton t1_iwudm2y wrote

Plot twist someone buys it to sleep in and then they get propped in the rocker when they're dead

1

gumbysrath t1_iwuw0l2 wrote

The warehouse in the background 👁👁

1

Ok-Cartographer-3725 t1_iwv468u wrote

So you buy a casket for your deceased loved one and the funeral home throws in a rocking chair? Lol!!! I guess it makes sense. It gives the relative a comfortable place to grieve and no one can say that the family has given themselves over to "excess and wastefulness".

1

cat6Wire t1_iwvltyt wrote

Getting some heavy Dwight Schrute energy here..

1

Valiantay t1_iww8hyf wrote

You can also buy caskets at costco, great returns for when the zombie apocalypse happens

1

Havingfun921 t1_ix4bwzq wrote

The Amish make the best furniture, without a doubt. Almost all of my tables, my captains bed, and some outdoor stuff was made by them. All solid wood, none of that particle board crap that the chain places sell. It costs a bit more, but worth every penny.

1

drprox t1_iwu1ceo wrote

Keep this Amish TIL stuff coming!

0

Hailsabrina t1_iwx0q8y wrote

I refuse to buy from Amish they treat the earth absolutely terrible .

0

Gausgovy t1_iwt60oz wrote

Caskets are a waste of the resources used to produce the casket and the materials that are in the human body that resides inside of the casket. Rocking chairs are cool though.

−1