Maybe your brain is dopamine deficient and you need to get tested. I myself just recently discovered I have adhd, I’m 39. I started talking to a therapist describing much of what you’re describing; lack of will, no motivation, exhaustion. She told me that adhd in women can manifest as depression. I took a tova test at a behavioral clinic and wouldn’t you know it. I have it. I’m on an antidepressant and a low dose of adderall. It’s been a complete game changer. I’m present, I’m confident, and I want to paint again. The drugs help, but it’s also a sense of validation. I’ve gone my whole life beating myself up for not being able to focus and constantly daydreaming. I got labeled by friends and family because of it and slowly over the years made a series of poor decisions. Now I have something I can point to as to why. I had a deficiency that needed to be treated. That was all. I’m not saying that’s what is going on with you, but you’re worth looking into.