LucilleAaronWayne OP t1_j8n8ygo wrote on February 15, 2023 at 3:43 PM

Reply to comment by EfficientlyEpic in Hi, I'm Lucille Aaron-Wayne, MA - Certified IFS therapist (Internal Family Systems therapy). Ask me anything! by LucilleAaronWayne

Hi u/EfficientlyEpic I often find that family constellations work easily comes to mind for Dutch therapists and coaches when they hear about IFS. Obviously they are very different, but that can be handy starting ground as it's widely known in the culture and in a similar arena of shamanic healing as IFS.

Is there a particular quality of uneasiness you fear? (For example, are you afraid they'll think you're talking about dissociative identity disorder?)

EfficientlyEpic t1_j8nequr wrote on February 15, 2023 at 4:22 PM

I sense uneasiness when I feel I don't understand what they want me to do.
Maybe it's best to share two examples:

Example 1: Coach uses slightly different model and I want to understand it

For example a coach I worked with in the past had a model of 1) 'pain', which seemed to me to be the initial bodily response to a trigger, surrounded by 2) a cloud of 'thoughts', which according to her were generated by 'the narrator'. She asked me to give a name to 'the narrator' which sounded to me like a very very simplified version of IFS, with one part instead of many. I tried to ask for clarification: did she mean the sort of underlying pain of an exile, or did she mean the reaction of the protector stepping in in response of the trigger, which could also be pain/anger/panic/strong emotions. My impression is that these questions were unexpected, and if I try to explain IFS, she maybe felt like losing control of the moment and of course they want to achieve something with this modality, so me going into analysis mode is not what she wanted.

I wouldn't want coaches/therapists to be intimidated of IFS, which actually helps me to understand what they want to teach me.

Again, I think it's very complementary.

Example 2: Coach uses visualisation exercise and I want to be carefull with it.

Another experience were this would be usefull is of another coach, who has an exercise to find a core phrase that describes the negative self-image that a person has created of themselves. We talked about something that happened in my youth, and then to imagine my younger self walking in the room, describing what my young self was doing, and speaking to my young self in terms this imaginary me of that age would understand. This of course reminded me of IFS. The first time I spoke it came out as advice. I acknowledged the advice part and the part that felt sad about me not approaching from self, and tried again, with a pleasant interaction.

I would have loved to be able to take a little bit more time, maybe just in my own head, to get a feel for some of the protectors popping up and to give them some acknowledgement, which from an IFS lense seems a very necessary thing to do this responsibly! But I (again) don't want to come across as not trusting the exercise or the person leading it.