I support being on the lookout for scientology, u/themacmeister! 👏 I think any group can become cult-like, and IFS is no exception - especially, as you say, with the fervor it can arouse. I've noticed, for example, that the admiration for the founder, Dick Schwartz, can veer into reverence. I emphasize respect, not reverence - for the founder and for the model itself.

Thanks for looking out for unhealthy dynamics - the world, and IFS, needs that critical eye.

Hi u/Chuymatt, it can be. Any therapy that helps heal childhood trauma will be helpful in this vein.

Hi u/diesiraeSadness, yes - there are a few studies indicating the efficacy of IFS therapy - you can see a list here: https://ifs-institute.com/resources/research When the National Registry of Evidence-Based Programs and Practices (NREBP) existed (a US government agency listing evidence-based practices phased out in 2018), it recognized Internal Family Systems as an evidence-based practice.

That said, the scientific evidence base for IFS is in its infancy.

Hope this helps!

Hi u/devil_d0c this sounds like a very, very painful situation.

I try not to approach things with a "should" attitude. I think the question is: What's honoring of you? Perhaps you could do some parts work to find out the different needs inside of you.

Hi u/sooshimon, what a fascinating and original relationship you've developed with your inner world. It sounds honoring of yourself as well as gratifying. As an art therapist, I love the expression in the language of colors.

Thank you for sharing with me and everyone reading here.

About integration with the Self:

No, that's not the goal! We'll always have parts and we get to keep them. That's part of being human, and it would be a tragedy to take that away!

As we become more and more healed inside, this typically leads to more of a feeling of integration, of wholeness. But by no means does this nullify our parts.

Let me know if this brings up more questions. I'll be around for another little bit before closing the AMA.

Wonderful to hear 👏

Now I can tell my 4 year old about this convo when he asks about my work day 😆

u/NorseMickonIce just saw this! Yes, Frank Anderson is well-respected in IFS circles. If you feel a connection, that's a great way to start.

I'm all for trusting yourself!

No, would you?

Hi u/mikebookseller, thanks for the question.

I have to admit I feel sad reading this because I'm guessing you're asking from personal experience.

One of the biggest antidotes is building a live human connection with a caring, safe person. Therapy is one way to do this.

You can look for an IFS therapist or another therapist. The main important quality is that you feel deeply respected by them. That your inner compass says YES.

If you decide to look for a therapist, I'd recommend planning to interview several.

After meeting a potential therapist, you might like to pay attention to your dreams (if you remember them), for signs about whether it's a good fit.

I hope this helps.

Yes, u/bokurai. I found IFS as a young adult after a traumatic incident. The trauma therapist I saw began with EMDR - which was very helpful - then incorporated IFS into sessions.

When I first got into Self energy, I felt like I'd finally returned to who I really was. I became aware I'd forgotten who I was for so long that I didn't even know I'd lost "me."

It was such an incredible feeling that I was hooked. I immediately read all the IFS literature available at the time (only Dick Schwartz books back then!) and began adopting IFS into my worldview.

Years later, I had trouble finding an IFS therapist, and I got fed up of the frustration. I decided to sign up for an official IFS training - mainly to get the personal benefit, to be honest!

My book coming out in autumn 2023 goes into the FULL story 😉

Hi u/nephilim80,

You ask about narcissism. Hot topic!

People who qualify for a diagnosis or narcissism will have been that way essentially since childhood. No amount of adult introspection will turn someone into a narcissist. Quite the opposite, in fact: Narcissists are not interested in actually seeing themselves, because at the core they feel they're worthless. Instead, they're interested in puffing up their persona.

That said, I do want to point out that there is a healthy degree of narcissism, if we're talking about concern for one's well-being and positive self-view. In fact, children have a "narcissistic" view of the world. It's developmentally appropriate.

Regarding social media and the ego: Our egos are perpetually in danger of becoming unbalanced and externalizing our sense of worth, which is a prime quality of narcissism.

About swiping in dating apps: There likely are such studies, you could search on Google Scholar. I'd tend to agree with your guess.

Hello u/profanitymanatee, thanks for your patience with my reply.

Have you experienced IFS therapy yourself, as a client?

This can be the most long-term rewarding investment of resources because your own inner explorations of the inner word will always be accessible to you, and won't be constrained by an outside curriculum.

You might know that the waitlist to get into an official IFS training is over 7,000 people long. It's a lottery, though, so you can join the waitlist and cross your fingers you get lucky.

I've had some therapists join my Soul-Led IFS Mastermind instead of waiting for the official training, so they can get direct experience themselves. If you want to learn more, you can check it out here: https://seekdeeply.com/mastermind

Sure! Some Jungians feel that we all have both an animus and anima.

Another way of viewing it is that the animus/anima is essentially the guide between our ego (the regular you, the person you feel you are, your consciousness) and the unconscious.

We all have that, and one view is whether we call it the animus or anima is somewhat irrelevant.

That said, there are some recognizable characteristics that are traditionally recognized to cluster around the animus and others around the anima. So an agender or nonbinary person might feel their inner guide more resembles the animus or the anima.

The anima and animus are really hard to understand. We can't truly pin them down. Kinda like you and I were just discussing with parts in IFS ...

Hi u/business_adultman, it's heart-filling to hear about the healing and flourishing you've found with the help of your IFS therapist. Thank you for sharing about with us all.

You ask about my perspective on responsible use of psychedelics with parts work.

To be completely open: I don't work with psychedelics in my practice nor have much interest in them. Why?

1. I find the psyche immensely mystical without bringing in plant medicine. IFS would be an example of that. We can enter non-ordinary reality via parts work, no need for chemicals to be a part of that.
2. While the psychedelics experiences can be immensely meaningful, my main interest is in helping people live their regular lives in a way that is deeply honoring of themselves. And I find that's achievable via long-term regular therapy - for my clients, at least. So I don't see the need for the psychedelics, and I think they can be a distraction. My bent is towards foundational change in daily life, not seeking peak experiences.

BUT I understand psychedelics can be immensely helpful for people. With - as you said - the proper support, context and integration resources. I know multiple people who feel psychedelics have provided critical turning points in their personal development.

Dick Schwartz, founder of IFS, has been very supportive of IFS and psychedelics for several years. If you google "Richard Schwartz psychedelics" there are several interviews with him where you can hear his view. He envisions IFS becoming the standard of care for psychedelic work.

Let me know if you have more questions.

I'm glad this is helpful. I love The Body Keeps the Score. Author Bessel van der Kolk is originally from the Netherlands, in fact!

Yes, there are a lot of therapists combining IFS with such practices. A Google search for IFS + (any of these terms) will probably be fruitful.

I'm an art therapist myself and teach people how to integrate solo IFS and art therapy in my 9-month Soul-Led IFS mastermind which involves live 1-on-1 guidance from me in learning how to do IFS on yourself - https://seekdeeply.com/mastermind One of the important ritual steps involves the body, so that we can do IFS with wholeness rather than splitting off from our physical selves.

Susan McConnell has a well-received book all about IFS and somatics https://www.amazon.com/Practitioners-Guide-Somatic-IFS-Therapy/dp/1623174880

Hi u/Justarandom_Joe I don't personally. Googling "IFS therapy for RAD reactive attachment" shows several resources, but I'm sure you've already done that.

For RAD I do recommend the work and books of Dr. Karyn Purvis, if you don't already know her.

Hi u/cdank, interesting question.

Generally speaking, IFS is right for a very wide spectrum of people.

I'd say it's not right for someone whose intention with IFS is to force change or healing inside themselves. Because this would mean abusing the powerful tool of IFS.

At least, it's not right for someone who's blended with a Self-Like Part that's determined to force change. But an experienced IFS therapist would be able to see that person is blended with a part and help them unblend so they can approach IFS with an attitude of true healing.

You can learn about how to unblend from Self-Like Parts like these in my free workshop next week: https://seekdeeply.com/workshop-ifs-therapy/

Aside from that, if someone really doesn't resonate with IFS, it might not be the right modality for them. (Sure, we could say that's a part feeling that way, but that doesn't mean the part's wrong.)

It's all about trusting yourself. Asking: What does my inner compass say?

Hi u/Coliexsunshine, super connection you're making.

YES, absolutely parts can cause pain in the body. They can cause all sorts of physical symptoms. I've worked with many people with psychosomatic issues stemming from parts, and IFS can make a big difference.

Speaking personally, I developed an intolerance of gluten as an adult and later met the part that was causing this symptom. I learned why it was doing this, and negotiated over it agreeing to relieve the symptom. Today, I can tolerate gluten much better than before working with that part. (Scientific talk: I think of this particular example as the part turning on something I had a genetic predisposition to, aka using epigenetics to communicate with me)

Often these parts are frustrated we're not hearing them, and they're trying to communicate something to us.

It'd be much easier if they could directly tell us, wouldn't you agree? But we have to set the conditions to make that possible.

Which leads to your final question.

As a starting point, you could begin a session asking to meet the part(s) of you connected to the physical pain. You would then ask the part what it's job is, and what it's afraid would happen if it doesn't send you that pain.

This can be complex work and if you're in physical pain, really affecting your quality of life. You might want to consider finding an IFS therapist to guide this, if you can afford it. A good directory is here: https://ifs-institute.com/practitioners

Hi u/Ok-Feedback5604, good question. Check out my reply here: https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/112yhjm/comment/j8n7az8/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

Hehe u/IggyBG this question makes me smile.

Yes, the "EFS" is one's actual family.

The person who founded IFS, Richard C. Schwartz, began as a family therapist. This means he conceptualized of psychology in terms of systems - multiple actors who all affect each other. This equipped him to understand and pioneer a new way of working with the individual: essentially, by applying family therapy to one's own inner world.

And that's IFS 😃

Hi u/Coliexsunshine, the official IFS directory is always a good resource as it shows people who've completed an official IFS training - https://ifs-institute.com/practitioners. You can filter your search by state and city.

I searched for "Long Island" and found this: https://ifs-institute.com/practitioners?country=All&us_state=NY&city=Long+Island&approved_consultant=All&level=All&availability=All&consultation_availability=All&field_acceptphone_value=All&keyword=&field_geofield_proximity%5Bvalue%5D=100&field_geofield_proximity%5Bsource_configuration%5D%5Borigin_address%5D=

Please note: The IFS directory lists anyone who's done an official IFS training, but not all of them are mental health professionals. Many are coaches or regular lay-people. Check the bios carefully to ensure it's a therapist, if that matters to you.

Hi u/kabre, great question.

Short answer: Yes it's absolutely possible a well-regulated part (i.e., not extreme) might not fit neatly into one of the manager / firefighter / exile categories.

In fact, one of the ways I like to refer to Exiles is: Vulnerable Parts. Because once the Exile is unburdened, it's no longer an Exile - it gets to be a conscious part of the inner system. So we can't accurately call it an Exile anymore.

But I digress.

IFS is an elegantly simple model of the psyche. It's a very effective tool.

And it would be hubris and quite naive to assume that we can have a model that explains everything in psyche. We humans are way too complex for a single system - especially one so simple - to encapsulate everything.

So I hold IFS lightly, knowing that it explains many things, but not everything. I recommend what you're already doing - noticing how your inner world is.

From my view, it's critical to honor the mystery inside, that we can't pin down everything, and that we have no right to, in fact. Our unconscious has the right to exist, too.

In addition, the way I synthesize IFS with the Jungian approach means that I recognize the anima/animus and the shadow as parts. Those definitely don't fit into the neat categories of IFS.

Hi Daniël,

No, it's not necessarily necessary, and I discourage any outside expectation like that. Instead, I recommend centering the Exile and (if possible at the end of the unburdening session) asking the Exile itself two things:

1. Does it have any requests of you between now and the next time you visit non-ordinary reality, the dimension where parts reside? (whether in solo IFS or a classic IFS session with a therapist)
2. Does it want to pick a way to signal to you when it wants your attention? This can be physiological (like sending you chills), sending you a particular image, an impulse (like "scratch your chin") etcetera. This gives the part a direct line to you in regular life.

We always want to center our own unique system and what our own parts need and desire.

BTW if the part has a request, you don't have to say yes. It's another chance for authentic connection. If the request will be impossible or too hard, you can explain that, and see if the part has alternative ideas or a compromise.

About the crying -

It's not always necessary to know why you're crying. Psyche is beautifully mysterious and we can respect and honor that mystery without needing to know exactly what's going on. It all depends on what feels right to you.

♥️ thank you for sharing