Deep questions, u/thinkandlive!

Let's start with the easiest first 😝

- Do you believe that each of us has something like a calling/soul path or is it "just" choice and learning enough and getting good at something no matter what it is?

IFS says that each of our parts has its own unique essence, which is IMO a way of acknowledging the unique spark and soul-quality in each part.

To answer more fully, let's look at the Jungian approach. Jungian analysis says - and I believe this to be true as well - that each of us is here for a reason. We are here to get closer and closer to wholeness, to becoming who we really are. This soul path process is called individuation. And what that individuated person is like will be different for each of us. (Just as an "individuated" dandelion will look totally different from an "individuated" snapdragon flower.) And it will depend on where and when we were born, and the life circumstances that come our way.

This view says that the greater Self calls us to our unique path of individuation, and it is up to us to willingly follow or to get dragged there, kicking and getting scraped up along the way. It's up to us to learn how to hear, accurately interpret, and choose how to respond to the call of Self. (We are not meant to simply roll over and automatically do what Self is proposing - that would be blind following which is just as problematic as totally ignoring Self.) BTW the Jungian understanding of Self is different from the IFS Self.

Part of the process of individuation process involves developing all 8 of our functions: Thinking, Feeling, Intuition and Sensation (each can be introverted or extraverted).

We are born with easy access to some of these functions, and a much more difficult time accessing others. That is something we don't get to choose. The functions that are our natural home will always be our natural home. However, we can develop the other functions and in fact we must in order to individuate. (For example, think of a stereotypical engineer type who desperately needs to learn how to live not just from logic but also from feeling) Jung calls this typology and it is the basis of personality psychology ... but most personality tests have strayed very, very far from Jung's work.

If you're intrigued and want to know what your own natural gifts are, an excellent resources is the Gifts Compass Inventory which is based very closely on Jung's work: https://giftscompass.com/ (click on "take the GCI")

Ok, next questions!

- Is there a way to make good decision about difficult life choices like changing jobs etc when many parts have different opinions?

One of the most difficult things to do in life is "hold the tension" (another Jungian term). That is, to fully feel the impulse to go towards one choice (held by one part or a cluster of parts), and fully feel the opposite impulse to an opposing choice (held by an opposing part or cluster of parts), at the same time. WITHOUT taking action.

What typically happens is when we discipline ourselves to hold the tension between the opposites - instead of blending with a part and just going with its desires - then the "third solution" comes in. Jung calls this the transcendent function. It's a way forward that we could never have figured out, thought through, noodled out. It leads us out of seemingly neverending state of that tension.

So to your question, holding the tension helps us move forward in the right way for us.

IFS can be an excellent tool for helping us hold the tension. We can hold ourselves as the mediator or therapist, and the parts as the "clients."

Important note: For this to be effective, we need to truly listen to each part. NOT with the goal of solving - if we're doing that, we're in a Self-Like Part. YES do this with the goal of understanding.

One useful method is to apply the EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) approach which is used for couples in conflict to our own parts. Basically, you bring both parts to a solo session. You let the parts know you're going to listen to both of them. Start with one part (Part A), asking it what it's afraid will happen if you don't go with its choice, and asking it to focus on what it feels when it imagines this outcome. Then let it know you're going to check with the other part (Part B). Ask Part B if it heard how Part A feels. Then give Part B the chance to answer the same questions, and check with Part A if it heard that.

That's it.

If it feels right and if the parts want it, you can encourage them to see if they can reach a compromise.

However, simply listening to the parts is often enough. The third solution then often emerges on its own, out of the unconscious.

If needed, you can rinse and repeat. And in the short term, if nothing else, letting the parts fully air their perspectives reduces the charge around the conflict.

Now your other question!

- What do you do in moments where you would need direct access beacuse there is no Self present but you cant reach anyone who know direct access? Like when you are pretty much fully blended with a part and it doesnt know how to unblend even though it wants to but its like it is the only "person" there in that moment?

This can be a good time to bring in the expressive arts. Any time we can externalize a part's experience - that is, take it out of our inner world and give it form in the external world - it changes the psychic material. Jungians would say it's an alchemical process and describe this process as as "transmutation." But we don't need fancy terminology to do it.

So if you're blended with a part, you can provide that part with a means of expression. If you're doing the solo IFS process with my audio guide, instead of journaling you can invite your part to express itself onto the page with art materials. (In my audio guide, I take you through ritual steps [OLD Steps] to contain the experience to avoid overwhelm.) This works with any art modality: music, movement or dance, etcetera. Journaling can also be a way: by putting down in black and white what the part feels, you're inherently acknowledging it's a part, and that creates a sliver of space that is not totally blended with the part.

Another option, which I've been wanting to create for a long time, is a choose-your-own-adventure video with a trusted therapist in which that therapist "leads" you (prerecorded, but you choose your responses) through various steps to try to unblend. If you like this option, stay tuned to my email list https://seekdeeply.com/ - when I create this I'll share it there.

But for now, I'd also suggest that it might not be as necessary to have Self present as you think. If we can simply make a window through which Self could enter, that can be enough. You could ask the part if it'd be willing to allow in a pinprick of Self-energy. If it says yes, just know that there is a tiny bit of space, and be open to allowing what happens to unfold.

Does that help?