A joke my dad wrote to me in one of his letters while he was in prison:

​

A farm boy gets up early one morning and finds himself very
hungry. So he hurries downstairs to get his breakfast.

When he reaches the kitchen, he finds his mom already there.
"Not so fast, young man" she says; "You won't get breakfast
until you're chores are done!"

Perturbed, the boy stomps out of the house to do his chores.
On the way to the barn, he shoves the cow out of his way.
Then he kicks the rooster in his frustration. At the pig
pen, he pulls the sow's ears.

Finally he finishes his chores and returns to the kitchen to
get his breakfast.

His mom says, "I saw you shove the cow, and for that you
won't have milk for breakfast. I also saw you kick the
rooster; for that, no eggs. And I saw you pull the sow's
ears; for that, no bacon.

At that very moment, the little boy's Dad walks through the
door and trips over the cat. Pissed off, he kicks the cat
across the room.

The little boy looks up to his Mom and says, "Are you going
to tell him or am I?"