President_Calhoun
President_Calhoun t1_jditotk wrote
Reply to comment by TheReal-Chris in I gave a woman my umbrella yesterday by h3llofaRide
>Yeah baby. We’ve got a category 5 squirt coming.
From Al Roker's sex tape.
President_Calhoun t1_jd5s7ep wrote
Reply to comment by RangerHUTCH93 in We trust our lives to traffic lights, simple machines that we expect everyone else to obey without question by Chilltherocks
Same for me. I remember my dad saying that a green light means it's legal to go, not necessarily safe.
President_Calhoun t1_jcru3xm wrote
Reply to comment by XenomorphBOI in TIFU by complimenting a girl wearing leggings (she wasn’t wearing leggings) by wowzaps
It was a Simpsons reference, but I futzed it up anyway.
President_Calhoun t1_jcrdy1i wrote
Reply to comment by mrdanielsir9000 in TIFU by complimenting a girl wearing leggings (she wasn’t wearing leggings) by wowzaps
I'm from Albany, and I've never heard that expression.
President_Calhoun t1_jbktaxg wrote
Reply to comment by exceptionallyhonest in [Image] Writen by rupi kaur - the sun and het flowers by sarah1604
There have been studies that suggest that butterflies retain at least some of their caterpillar memories. I don't think that indicates that it's a conscious transformation, though.
President_Calhoun t1_jadsbcj wrote
Reply to comment by GoodMerlinpeen in How do i tell the lead singer of my band that they aren’t that good? by MiniFestSam
>It doesn't have to be one or the other, look at the Beatles.
Yeah, but just think how far they might have gone if they'd had one lead singer.
/s
President_Calhoun t1_j9wh9kp wrote
President_Calhoun t1_j93olik wrote
Reply to comment by acidranger in I saw the Embrace statue in person today in Boston. by willk95
"I have a ream."
President_Calhoun t1_j7co6p7 wrote
"Hi. This is my parent Taylor, and this is my other parent Taylor."
President_Calhoun t1_j6o11fc wrote
My favorite L&S moment was when Squiggy had to stay at the girls' apartment, and the next morning after he left for work, Laverne came out of the bathroom and said, "I don't know how he did it, but he left a ring around the mirror."
President_Calhoun t1_j6if7y8 wrote
Reply to Venus fly trap on the hunt by c0ntr0ll3dsubstance
Fun fact: Venus flytraps aren't actually from Venus.
President_Calhoun t1_j2amxi2 wrote
Reply to comment by Vladius28 in TIL Archduchess Mathilde of Austria accidentally set her dress alight and immolated herself while trying to hide a cigarette from her father by Brotherdodge
"I like my mead cold, my operas loud, and my archduchesses fa-LAMING!" - Archduke Homer Simpson
President_Calhoun t1_j2973sg wrote
Reply to comment by POGtastic in Christmas Day dust up at Waffle House ends in arrests by d1yb
>and will serve you when you are too shitfaced to do anything other than grunt at the waitress.
I like to think that the waitresses are fluent in drunkgrunt.
"What'll you have?"
"Ugh."
"Coming right up."
President_Calhoun t1_j28jbs9 wrote
Reply to comment by Coast_watcher in The "Eight Is Enough" kids turned out poorly: TV child stars who never made it by Lili_Danube
Carl "Alfalfa" Switzer was shot to death because of a dispute over a $50 debt at the age of 31.
President_Calhoun t1_iy4ucgh wrote
Reply to Like Father Like Son. by HyperMBE
>I also saw you kick the rooster; for that, no eggs.
I think I've found a loophole that might get the kid some eggs after all.
President_Calhoun t1_ixs1j2h wrote
Reply to comment by Remarkable_Camera832 in TIFU by getting so drunk I shit in my bedroom by Remarkable_Camera832
You might have trouble finding an appropriate greeting card to express your regrets. This is kind of a niche situation.
President_Calhoun t1_ixn0qv2 wrote
Good one!
President_Calhoun t1_iwulp3e wrote
>The hunter was unharmed, but cold and wet due to falling into the river three times, police said.
After the third time, he decided not to walk so close to the river.
President_Calhoun t1_iw5csj9 wrote
Reply to comment by Drs83 in 600-year-old coin may be oldest found in Canada by IslandChillin
For sure. I live in a small town in northern Michigan, and a few years ago a guy was metal detecting at a local beach and found a Roman coin dated to the 3rd century CE. It was assumed that it had simply been lost there by a careless modern-day coin collector.
President_Calhoun t1_itzw9rm wrote
Reply to Every language travels at the speed of sound, except sign language that travels at the speed of light by _somename_
We should be trying to contact other planetary civilizations with sign language.
President_Calhoun t1_ir57olq wrote
Reply to comment by WienerDogMan in Skydiver dies in Florida after 'parachute malfunction,’ authorities say by Thetimmybaby
My favorite part is when her emergency chute deploys as they're loading her into the ambulance.
President_Calhoun t1_je9igwr wrote
Reply to comment by JackKovack in No other food falls to the ground more than popcorn. by Captain_Excellence
This makes me think of Simpsons anchorman Kent Brockman: "Ladies and gentlemen, I've been to Vietnam, Afghanistan and Iraq, and I can say without hyperbole that this is a million times worse than all of them put together."