The little brother is 15, he replies, ‟I will do it for $50!”

A lonely female gorilla at the zoo is infatuated with the groundskeeper, George. One day the veterinarian, concerned with the gorilla's mental health, pulled George into his office.

Vet: ‟George, will you've sex with that gorilla for $500?”

George: ‟Well, okay. But you will have to give me a couple days to come up with the $500.”

... per each mount.

My friend says $300 and all the bananas he can eat

I don’t get it. /gen

Saying that Howard, the farmer’s son, costs an unknown amount to be a stud like the bull and pig. It is a stud farm

Thanks!

I don't think I've ever seen "you've" used like that. 😳

Me neither...but im not a native english speaker. Curious if that's right?

Man, I love to tell this to my friend. But I really dont want to give him the idea.

AFAIK, you only use "'ve" when the verb "have" is being used as a helping verb. But that may not be a rule. What you did may be grammatically correct but just uncommon.

No. The "have" in "will you have sex" cannot be contracted to "will you've sex."

Thank you.

It’s not correct even though it is understandable. “You’ve gone to the store” is a correct usage because “you have gone” is in the present perfect tense and is an appropriate use of the contraction “you’ve.” It isn’t normally used as a contraction for other tenses, such as “will you have” or “did you have” and so on.

Thanks.

Even the OP isn't a native. And he's American

Thanks bud.

It's actually illegal. Breaks brains.

As people have said, it does not work.

A fun contraction which does work just fine is “I’d’ve”(I would have), which I love. It doesn’t help us here, but it’s something real you can take away.

You’ve no idea. It does seem to work in the present tense in some cases. Maybe what’s off about this is that the emphasis rests on the verb that get contracted out, whereas the emphasis in my little example rests on the subject.

It's the latest rage in Southern Iowa

Check the banana stand for latest banana to $ xchange rate

i understood just fine

I'e

Do not you dare correct my contractions!

All these jabronis are wrong. I know there are grammatical rules you must follow in professional and academic settings, but the only rule in English is that it must be understandable. All other rules are rubbish.

If you pay for dinner ...

I finish a lot of emails with, "Let me know if you've any questions."

'You've no idea' isn't grammatically correct either, it's just less obvious.

You could say 'you have no idea,' or 'you have got no idea' interchangeably.

'You've got no idea' would be a correct contraction.

The reason 'You've no idea' feels correct and 'will you've sex' from the original doesn't is because our brains are trained to sort of skip over, or add in if need be, the existential verbs, like 'is' and 'got.'

Tis what tis.

Which is correct. What OP said is not.