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redderper t1_itgk31h wrote

Reply to comment by feetofire in LPT: Watch how people react when they think you’re in a tough spot. People show their true colors when they think you have zero leverage. by [deleted]

I don't necessarily see how that acquaintance is in the wrong there. She chose her husband over an acquaintance, which isn't really that strange. She probably wanted to help you, but couldn't because her husband wasn't comfortable. Unless you know for sure that she's lying about that, I don't think you can blame her.

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feetofire t1_itgl7uv wrote

Had she been somewhat less effusive, I would agree. And she wasn’t an acquaintance them - she has been someone who had been calling me long distance in tears as her marriage had been breaking up (btw - I’m a woman), so I had thought her a close friend at the time.

Anyway - it was a good in the end. Last minute Airbnb in a moment of desperation led to me making two new friends.

And the more I think of it … I have another dear friend who I will keep in my life forever who, hearing that I was in town, insisted that I stay with him and his GF in their flat. We were and have remained platonic friend fwiw … anyway what he didn’t tell me, was that his flat was the size of a shoebox, so I ended up spending the weekend, sleeping on their kitchen floor. I didn’t mind - and we are still (very platonic) friends.

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redderper t1_ithbv2b wrote

I do agree that it's shitty to make promises that you can't keep, especially if they were helped by that person before. However, my point is that you also don't know exactly why she couldn't go through with it. Maybe her husband is really controlling and that's why she couldn't keep her promise. Of course she should have talked to him about it before making that promise, but people make mistakes all the time.

Anyway, you know her better than me of course, so maybe the whole friendship was just you being there for her and not the other way around. Just from that one story I can't really make any conclusions basically.

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MJohnVan t1_ithjy8q wrote

If her husband is controlling why would she say that? Instead talking to him first ? People make mistakes. That’s normal. But people will forgive you and forget you. Not because you can’t keep the promise but you lead them on something you can’t keep.

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rexmaster2 t1_ith3qoe wrote

The true moral of the story is, if u have no intention of honoring what u say to someone, then don't say it.

I have a neighbor who is similar. Call me whenbahe needs me, but can't be bothered to keep her word with me. She'll say, let's go out to lunch, meet up, ill be over later, ill call u tonight, and I get nothing from her. In most cases, it's because her (60) husband (70) won't let her leave the house once he is home. He wants no one in the house. Well, except for his gf, of course.

In cases like this, it's all about control. Nothing more.

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redderper t1_ithctak wrote

I just feel sad for women who are being controlled/abused by their husbands. Not keeping your promise is definitely shitty, but she's a victim of the situation as well and she might not be able to escape that situation so easily.

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rexmaster2 t1_ithjfm4 wrote

Sadly, some don't want to escape but continue to complain about their situation. The number one reason why they stay...."but I love him".

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MJohnVan t1_ithjpa6 wrote

Why would she give that offer if she can’t even afford to follow with it? It shows how shallow a person can be, don’t do that. Because people will start to look down on you. Delivering promises you can’t keep. Not once twice but more than often.

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